Topic: Residential treatment tomorrow - needing support
Member # 10798
| Posted: 12:29 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
nik--having worked with kids and parents for many years in a variety of roles, one thing I know for sure--parents do their kids no favors by taking the easy way out. The easy thing would to be to let things stay the way they are, pretend everything is ok, that this is just a "phase" or that the problem will resolve itself. You and your daughter are taking an enormous, positive step in the right direction. You are quite possibly saving your daughter's life. It's painful, scary and I'm sure you'll wonder how both of you will manage. Most parents aren't willing to do the hard stuff and they and their kids often suffer because of it. You are doing the hard stuff--for all the right reasons. By doing so you are teaching your daughter an important lesson about strength, problem-solving and doing what's right even when it's scary. Both of you are incredibly brave. Here's wishing both of you love, peace, wisdom and strength to meet whatever challenges are ahead. And--the promise of looking forward to a day when all of this will be behind you. Hugs.
Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James
Posts: 2095 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
Member # 33698
| Posted: 12:39 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
(((NIK and family)))
Stay strong, mama. As an educator, I fully support what you're doing. I often see kids whose parents have their heads in the proverbial sand. They pretend that there isn't anything wrong, and then it's often too late to do anything. You're making the right choice not only for her but for all of you.
(((NIK and family)))
BS (Me) 39
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 24849
| Posted: 12:47 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
(((NIK & family)))
FWW - 40
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.
Posts: 5770 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Member # 15584
| Posted: 12:48 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
(((NIK & family)))
I'm proud to see that you're doing what you need to do for the best outcome for your family. I hope the transition goes as smoothly as possible. I work with individuals who have developmental disabilities. There are many who thrive on strict schedules and there is chaos if their schedule is slightly changed. While I haven't been through it myself, I can understand how difficult this is for yourself and your family.
Failure is success if we learn from it.
Posts: 4131 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Member # 26928
| Posted: 2:17 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
Lots of hugs to you and your fam, NIK.
Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.
Posts: 6111 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 25341
| Posted: 2:20 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
((((NIK & family))))
You are doing the right thing, I hope it works out for your DD.
Sending strength and mojo to you all.
((((NIK & family))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...
Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Member # 10180
| Posted: 2:25 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
((NIK and family))
You are doing the 100% right thing for all of you.
I worked for an organization that supports children and family (not as a caregiver- in Admin) and one of the groups I supported is and RTF. While she is heading in to the unknown it will quickly become all the things she craves and finds comfort in. Schedules, communication, consistency is paramount in a well run residential community. I pray that your DD has caregivers who are as talented and deadicated as those I worked with. I saw many many miracles. Kids that turned a corner and really found their best selves.
You and your DD will be in my prayers!
Posts: 1634 | Registered: Mar 2006
Member # 33882
| Posted: 2:36 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
Sending you and dd lots of strength....
him (NPD Ex)
"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."
Posts: 2572 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 11224
| Posted: 2:40 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
My warmest thoughts are with you... you are making a difficult but compassionate choice and giving her the greatest gift of all - your love.
(((NIK, DD and DS)))
Posts: 1007 | Registered: Jul 2006
Member # 32616
| Posted: 3:09 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
(((nik and family)))
Posts: 3278 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 36711
| Posted: 3:21 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
Prayers for you and your DD. Tonight will be tough- keep her in view- as they sometimes panic and try to go for a last binge. My son did that. And sometimes they try anything to talk you out of thinking they need to go. Stay strong.
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
Posts: 1283 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 33226
| Posted: 3:45 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
Thank you all for your wonderful words of comfort and encouragement. DD is doing ok so far after an anxiety-filled night of questions last night.
We are currently picking out books and pictures for her to keep in her room at the facility, and she's in a fairly positive place. She's ready for the Tourette's to be under control and the anxiety and OCD to ease up.
Her biggest concern is with learning how to handle her anger and defuse a situation before she builds up to an outburst. That is both a medical issue and a behavioral one, and will likely be the hardest to address.
Fingers crossed for the rest of the afternoon, as we're under a tornado watch, and severe weather is a major stressor for her.
You can call me NIK
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
Posts: 24461 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 16024
| Posted: 5:32 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
Sending hugs and a ton of support your way.
Take up your space (and do it well).
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
Posts: 36696 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 31240
| Posted: 6:02 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
My heart goes out to all of you.
All I can suggest is to keep showing and telling your daughter that you love her, visit as much as possible, and give as much emotional support as you can - to your daughter and to yourself. Remember this feels difficult because it is difficult.
And keep reminding yourself you can't predict the future. You can only hope for the best and do your best.
(((NIK & Family)))
fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.
Posts: 9773 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 33338
| Posted: 6:52 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
You are being covered with prayers and warm thoughts, NIK, you and your sweet dd. That's such a scary step to take, but one I know you aren't taking lightly.
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.
Posts: 2664 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 16590
| Posted: 6:56 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013|
Sending lots of (((hugs))) to all of you
Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.
It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert
Posts: 3215 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
Member # 32810
| Posted: 6:28 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013|
Thinking of you both today, sending strength and confidence.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
Posts: 13572 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 35846
| Posted: 7:20 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013|
Hugs are prayers.
I admire the strength you have. It isn't always easy to do "the right thing".
Hope the day goes well.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
We have R'd
Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 27148
| Posted: 7:35 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013|
((((NIK))))) warm thoughts!
Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.
Posts: 2609 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 12041
| Posted: 8:04 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013|
Good luck to you guys today! Thinking of you
“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin
Posts: 43990 | Registered: Sep 2006
|Topic Posts: 85|