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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Taken the first step
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I did it. I emailed an attorney. After looking through many websites this morning I chose a lawyer. They had an option to be contacted through email so I chose that since the 4 year old doesn't go to school today and I don't want to talk to a lawyer in front of her. It was surprisingly easy to hit that submit button. Maybe that's a sign I've had enough and his comment yesterday (thread in general) was the last straw. I don't know where the hope came from that he would wake up but it was very very slight. Well....it's gone. Oh well, he is losing one fucking awesome woman.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

What am I doing?


Posts: 1551 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big hugs to you girl.

Honestly, with how verbally and emotionally abusive he is (like mine is) you REALLY need a shark lawyer. Of course, we are all mediating and accommodating and would be willing to get this over quickly, but I guarantee your WH will try to contact you and intimidate you and bypass the lawyers, so you need protection. Find the best bulldog you can. I wasted 5 grand on a mediating puppy dog lawyer since I wanted things simple and easy, but this will NOT be simple and easy for you. Do as much research you can and find someone who has experience dealing with this kind of ex..

And I agree, you sound awesome, and it's totally his loss


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1369 | Registered: Feb 2013
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excellent! I was lucky in that my sister is a lawyer and was able to reccomend a good family lawyer to me who didn't over charge and handled everything smoothly.

Once we are gone they realize what they lost. Stay strong!!


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree...you need an aggressive,take no shit attorney. Your WH makes alot of money...I guarantee he will have a shark attorney.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6641 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sheesh...now you guys are scaring me! No email back yet...not that I'm checking every 3 seconds....


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

What am I doing?


Posts: 1551 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You'll be fine. Just document everything (as in EVERYTHING), keep all communication via email and text for proof, don't make ANY verbal or written agreements without your lawyer, and let your lawyer do their job.. Your ex will try to manipulate or persuade or convince you to do things that are NOT in your best interest, making them seem like they are... Do NOT trust him anymore, especially if he knows you're consulting with a lawyer..

Don't defend or explain yourself to your ex. Don't let him know where your heads at or what you are thinking.

It IS scary. That's why I hide behind my attorney and let him fight for me..

It will be rough, but try your best to IGNORE him (besides specifics regarding the kids). He will keep trying to hook you, with sweetness and anger and pity and God and whatever else he can think of, but don't allow him to do that anymore. Divorce is war. And as much as he is the enemy to you, you are now an enemy to him.

I know this is hard to accept from someone you love, and that you want so bad for him to love you back, but you gotta think with your head now and not your heart.

And that's exactly what your lawyer will do.. And honestly, the more crazy ridiculous your ex is without you getting sucked into engaging, the MUCH better you will look to a judge if it comes to that..

You can do it!!


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1369 | Registered: Feb 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be scared. What you are doing is incredibly brave. Im very proud of you,TCD. I know how hard this has been for you.

[This message edited by confused615 at 1:31 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: R? I don't know..ask me tomorrow..it changes rapidly.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 6641 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big hugs, honey. (((((TCD)))))


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22587 | Registered: Aug 2011
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TattoodChinaDoll)))

I hope I have the same strength you do when I come to the same conclusion.

You are VERY awesome and brave!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
In R
"If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth." -Carl Sagan

Posts: 2248 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry that your WH is such an asshole (read your thread in general).

But I'm really glad that you've found the courage to email a lawyer. I was so scared to go to consult with a lawyer but after I found one that I felt fit me, I felt in control...and after all the bullshit that a ws can put you through...it's fucking nice to feel in control.

((((TCD))))


ish kabibble

Posts: 4188 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((TCD))
Scary but big step. Good job!!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13188 | Registered: Jul 2011
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The lawyer finally got back to me and I called. No free consultation. And the fact that I'd basically be using WH's (do I call him STBXWH) money to look into divorcing him, I don't want to cause any trouble. I don't think he would go off on me using his money for this but I'm trying to keep this as cut and dry as possible. For example, I need to do some food shopping today. I made sure to text him (so I had documentation) to say that I needed money for shopping and that the list was on the fridge and to take out cash for the amount he thought I needed for those items. That way he can't say I asked for a certain amount that I didn't. Anyway, I have an email in to another lawyer who specifically said free consultations on his website. Still not sad today. But I do feel more nervous.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

What am I doing?


Posts: 1551 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TCD)))

You got this.

Thinking ahead like you are is good strategy. Imagine everything being read to a judge.

As for what to call your WH/stbx... some of us found a way to highlight the reasons we don't have spouses anymore by nicknaming them with their faults. Others find this an unnecessary insulting practice that interferes with effective co-parenting. Since I had no future in co-parenting, I found a nickname that suits my twisted humor and reminds me I am NOT dealing with a human being with a name or anyone in any kind of positive relationship (past or present or future) with me...

Do what works for you.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jerkface McGillicuddy is too long. I've got to come up with something else.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

What am I doing?


Posts: 1551 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could always shorten it to JfM and define it in your tagline.... if you like your first choice that is.

Helps to have a sense of humor here doesn't it?


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5290 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, though sometimes I feel bad about having a sense of humor. That people will think I'm not taking this seriously or it isn't as serious. It's my personality and probably keeps me out of jail.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

What am I doing?


Posts: 1551 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to say, depending on your area, the "good" lawyers don't do free consultations. I live in the DC/Baltimore area and when I got a list of the best, not a single one did free consultations.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1147 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That thought did cross my mind. I guess this will be a learning experience!


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

What am I doing?


Posts: 1551 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No lawyers do free consults around here.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8756 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was pro se for 99% of my divorce so when I finally had a wonderful attorney to deal with FT and his POS attorney that were trying to bully me, it was priceless to let my attorney to do the talking.

Good luck and now you know with out doubt that nothing will change with WS.

As others have said, no communication with STBX is the best for you.
The wrong thing said by you can set the divorce back for months and many more $.
Big Hugs and you have great support and wisdom here in D/S.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
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