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User Topic: Grrrrrrrr........gave the digits too soon I'm thinking
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Exclaimation  Posted: 11:45 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay....so "normally" I don't respond to messages I get on the OLD sites...but this one guy caught my eye....seemed smart and had his life together (which is a far cry from the typical guy I attract). He and I started talking the other day.....and then he wanted to text me instead saying that it drained his battery on his phone to email so much.

Okay....I fell for that bait... and let him have my phone number. (which I am usually very hesitant to give out too soon). THEN...he sends me a picture. Okay... fine. I sent him one back. He tells me that his picture is only a week old.... mine was a little older.... so I sent him one from April. All of my pics are of my daughter....I don't take constant ones of myself. I tell him I have more pics on Facebook than on my phone...so he wants me to friend him.... Okay....so I do (SMACKING MYSELF) Then, I said..."Okay...sent you a request" and he responds back after about 20 minutes and says "Rejected"... so I say "Boo haha" (ASSuming he was joking)....and he says "lol"

Then...NOTHING. His texts just stopped..... he is still showing as my friend on Facebook...but now he isn't talking to me at all.... and I don't know how to take it. He was so GUN-HO about wanting to text me and now I feel like he weeded through all of my pics and changed his mind.

Must admit...I'm feeling a little insecure about this....cause I think I'm a fairly attractive woman.... Oh well... if he doesn't say anything to me in the next day or so....I will just delete him on Facebook and add him to my mental "File 13"


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did he know you had a daughter?

ETA: When I was online dating, I got a lot of guys who wanted to add me on FB. I created a "list" that let me limit what they would see, and also keep track of who I had added. If I stopped talking to someone, I un-friended him. I usually gave it a few weeks before doing it. One guy got super upset, texted me, etc. We had gone out maybe 4-5 times over the course of 3 months, but had stopped talking more than a month before. I mean, no texts, no calls, total silence. I un-friended him and an hour later, get a text asking why I had done so. He claims to have an app that tells him when someone un-friends him, but I was seriously creeped out thinking he was stalking my profile still.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 11:52 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes! I was completely upfront and honest about Piper! So, he knew I was a single mom BEFORE I even gave him my phone number! If a guy isn't 100% okay with me being a single mom, then I'm not going to waste my time talking to him!

I agree on the deletion thing....I will definitely be doing some house-cleaning but I don't know if I will give this guy a few weeks since he "literally" stopped talking to me after looking at my profile for 20 minutes!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm surprised you haven't unfriended him already.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19732 | Registered: Aug 2006
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well...I was "trying" to not jump the gun or be insecure about him not talking to me and was trying to give him a chance... but then verses from that book "He's just not that into you" start playing in my head about how if a guy really likes you he will MAKE the time to talk to you..... and he's not. ::growl:: Just irritates me. He probably saw most of my most recent pictures are of me with my hair up and all sweaty after a run...and was like.....YIKES! Oh well... I don't want a superficial douche... I've had plenty of those!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've stopped trying to figure out why someone else does anything...especially people I don't really know. This type of thing that you experienced used to drive me for a few days. Now, meh. That is one of my lessons from OLD. It isn't really a rejection because he didn't really know you at all. You had only invested a couple of hours of communication time in this guy...don't worry about "what it means", you'll never know and it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things...don't let a stranger mess with your head...


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3209 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay...so is the concensus....DELETE NOW and move on??


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay...so is the concensus....DELETE NOW and move on??

Yes, and ditto everything better4me said.

I suspect he might be like Ama's guy and try to contact you again once you lose interest, unless he has an amazingly good excuse, he's playing games with you.


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3452 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah...and as a single mom....I SERIOUSLY do not have the time for games.... If this guy is looking for a Victoria Secret model who only glistens when she runs...then he needs to move on....and possibly wake the hell up too!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay....next time he checks his "friend list" and sees I'm not on it....he can hear me in the background saying "REJECTED!"

DELETED... DONE AND DONE!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 1:26 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
idkam
♀ Member
Member # 18375
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you ShellyB... Im not sure i know how to de-Friend a person or blovk them from FB... Please tell me how...


People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime..
Divorced

Posts: 1801 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Texas
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You just go to their Facebook page and click on the "Friends" Button and there are several options there.... two of which are "Unfriend" and "Block"


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I seriously doubt that he saw pictures of you and thought you were not beautiful.

I've heard from a guy I dated that sometimes they use the pics as "eye candy"...if you get my drift...for their "alone time".

Men are visual.

Next time they ask you to do something you are uncomfortable with...don't do it. You are in the drivers seat. You don't have to be a bitch, I would always make it a joke, "Oh....I need to make sure you aren't a serial killer before I do XXX". Usually they would ask me out in the first email or two, and I would tell them ^^^.

I don't give them my phone number until we are about to meet (since they may be late/lost) OR they ask to TALK to me. Plus, I have a "fake email account" that I use just for OLD so they can't email my "real" email account.

The first guy I dated from OLD, I really messed up too...we talked every day on the phone for an hour or two. Then, the day before we were to meet, he let it slip he was a fWS. I still agreed to meet him, but I was no longer attracted to him because of how he handled the explanation of the affair ("I fell in luuurvve"). I had already friended him on FB. After the date, I told him I was no longer interested, and that turned into drunk texting me, then angry texts when I removed him from FB, etc. It got ugly.

I learned my lesson. I don't emotionally attach (lots of phone calls), I don't put them on FB, I stay in control until I meet them in person. I've never put another guy on my FB page, and some I've dated for a few weeks.

There are some real wierdos out there...be careful.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was just reading my messages on the OLD site and this guy I have had small talk with is like... "We should "hang out" sometime... not sure if that is asking me out or not... but I don't like the terminology of "hanging out" for some reason... maybe I'm PMSing and just don't know it... I mean....I'm still breastfeeding...so no period...but its possible that the PMS is still there...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, if they use terminology like "hang out"...for me....I would pass. Most men ask me to lunch, coffee or drinks.

I don't want a "buddy to hang out with"...just keep looking


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah....and to me ...when they say "hang out" its either a friend zone type of cop-out to avoid the word "date" or its a guy looking for a hookup.... and either way....I don't have time for games...and I'm not the type of girl that "hooks up." Period.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
slipperyslope321
♀ Member
Member # 33112
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She11ybeanz, I've seen your pic and you are gorgeous! What a dope. Delete and forget!


Me: BS
HIM: WH
DD1 1/11 fb chats
DD 4/11 txt msgs
DD 5/11 hidden accounts for underground EA. Busted it wide open.
DD2 8/2012, new OW
Divorcing

Posts: 126 | Registered: Aug 2011
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Slipperyslope321...

It kinda gave me a slight complex but oh well! His loss! The next man's gain!!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought 'hang out' was code for screw.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9827 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couple of observations:

First of all, it seems that you get overly invested when someone shows interest. Why is that? I mean, interest is good, investment is not.

You should do what feels natural, normal and comfortable to you. If you don't want to give out your number, don't. Make up a humorous excuse (my experience is that it takes the rejection out of the refusal), but stand your ground.

In your case, I would assume he found other fish to fry and I would probably unfriend him after a few weeks had passed. And I wouldn't take it personally and I wouldn't read anything into it.

If you are going to do OLD, you need to develop a thick skin and stop thinking that folks actually do things the way you do. They don't.

Set the bar high. This guy didnt make it. His loss.

Cat

[This message edited by Catwoman at 8:15 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29664 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 21
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