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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Married Couple Asked Us for Advice
IGaveItMyAll
♂ Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I thought I would share a possitive story that made my FWW and I feel pretty good...

First off we have been working really hard on ourselves and our mariage. We have been really trying to understand each other better. In the past few weeks we have really been able to connect on a much deeper level. Our goals are the same to connect mind body and soul.. to live as one. Pretty crazy stuff but we have connected on a deeper level than we ever have. Our intimacy is FINALLY developing and becoming stronger and deeper. We both have been working on breaking down our walls. Its been pretty awesome!!!

Yesterday a friend of ours was having marital issues, asked us for advice on how we were able to make such huge changes in our marriage (They have known us PreA, During and Post) He said we seem so much happier and connected and wished he had that in his marriage. Not going to lie.. it was nice to hear. I gave my advice but also stated we are no where close to where we both envision our marriage in the future and we both work on ourselves every single day. I was glad I was able to share some of the lessons and values I have learned. My wife and I felt pretty good. This is the second couple in 1 weeks that has asked us for advice.

Honestly I can't wait for 5, 10 & 20 years from now. I can only hope we continue to grow and understand each other. It will be an amazing life. There are parts of me that are glad we are going through this. So many valuable lessons that we both have learned. Don't get me wrong parts I can totally do without but there has been some amazing thing that have grown from the ashes


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's so great to hear. What worked for you to become more intimate? We're a bit stuck on that, because we're so used to talking about every thing, in a intellectual, detached sort of way. So we've been very open, but there's something lacking re real emotion/connection.


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1051 | Registered: Aug 2012
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36512 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
pewpewpew
♀ Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


That's great! Enj


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Jan 2013
IGaveItMyAll
♂ Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as what has helped us become more intimate I think it was a few things. Going through R my wife and I both are trying to become WAY more connected and have a much different life then before. We both are working on ourselves. So far it's been a combination of things. On her part she has been working on letting her walls down and really feeling emotions. She is also working on FOO issues and that's helped. We read 5 Love Languages and that helped us understand each others needs. But I think the biggest thing has come from me. When we have conversations now I don't just sit there and listen and then give her my opinion on how to fix things. I really try and understand her. I listen to what she has to say. I look her in the eyes and I really intently try to understand her and what she is saying, how she is feeling and who she is. I really focus on being present when we are talking. I really want to know her and understand her. She is the same way with me. She really listens. So that's one thing that has helped us. Another thing is I am getting my confidence back. I also plan things better and lead more than I did before. I chose what I want to do. I get her input on what she wants to do and I make it am adventure. Sometimes it changes throughout the day or date but I try and lead more. I also have been trying to have more fun while we are out on dates. We laugh now and have fun. Those are just a few things that I have been doing that have been making a difference. The results of this have been... She is much more physical with my. She hugs and kisses me passionately more. We have much deeper intimate conversations. She shares her struggles and opens up to me more. She is more vulnerable around me. I learned intimacy isn't all about sex. I feel that we keep this up and we will be very fulfilled. I think our sex life will be even more fulfilling. That part isn't exactly where I would like it but I am going to start here and see if getting our minds and hearts intimate will help our bodies feel more connected. It's a work in process. I also been listening to an audio program that has REALLY been helping me. I am stoked I found it.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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