I've trickle truth about my infidelity with three separate women. The truth finally came out about the last one a few weeks ago. My BW had a feeling that I was lying to her, and I finally couldn't stand the guilt anymore, so I told her.

Because I've never come clean about anything before, my BW feels that I have more to tell, which isn't the case.

My abusive behavior is making things worse. I've transitioned from verbal and emotional abuse to borderline physical abuse.

I lose my mind at the drop of a hat; I simply snap. I wasn't abused, and I have no reason to be angry.

To add fuel to the fire, I have a hard time posting on SI. I have a hard time knowing what to say and how to say it.

My BW (Juki) has been extremely patient ad has tried to help with by suggesting I read books and the forum; I've resisted. In fact I haven't really accomplished anything.

After reading this post, I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say.

I know I'm an abuser. I know I'm no longer involved with anyone, in any way, nor have I been for decades.

I know I don't want to disappoint my S or hurt my BW anymore.

I'm in IC, but I know I need more help.