At this point in time he is being completely stingy about turning over financial docs that I have been requesting. So after receiving yet ANOTHER "ask you L what she's looking for specifically, because I've already provided that information" note from him.....I sent him a very detailed and explicit email about what I wanted.
As part of an exchange about the issue, he says this:
In our marriage, I never once hid money from you. You cannot make that same statement and you know it.
Now this happened 20 or so years ago and I had almost forgotten about it until today. But I did open a savings account....in BOTH our names. And I'm pretty sure that it was one of those things that I did unilaterally....opened it and THEN told him about it.
But now, 20 years later....it has morphed into me *hiding money* from him. Seriously?
There's that whole *grain of truth* thing that he uses to make me look like an asshole. Did I kinda, sorta *hide money* from him? I guess technically I did. BUT it was an account in BOTH of our names and for BOTH of us and for the good of the marriage.
But, from the way he used it in that email....it sure as hell sounds as if he is running around telling people that I *hid* money from him.
Gotta love dealing with the people that twist shit up in their heads......NOT.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
It is absolutely amazing what their twisted minds think of!!
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC
"The most amazing things can come from some terrible lies"
You're a smart lady. School's out for the summer (I think I just sang that in my head lol), please track down a book on game theory & have laid out in front of you all of Sultans gambits. It'll be a fun game for you predicting which one yes using & then seeing him act lock step with the mathematically predicted outcome. Your own little game as it were. I have some I can recommend & I'll PM you when I return home tomorrow with some recs that you can easily pick up at Amazon.
I too think you should just ignore it and let people think what they will. As much as he may act like this is such a tragic, horrible affront to him, I don't think most people will care or think it's nearly as bad as he would like them too. Sadly, I do understand the want to straighten everyone out about the truth, but you'll make yourself crazy focusing on it. Good luck
The attention's on you now and you are riled so that Sultan can go off on his merry way and think he upset you. At least that's my take on it.
Some examples that I kind of snicker at now...I've been accused of cheating on Perv, (By him) of having men on my facebook (relatives, lol) of being on dating sites! (It was him) (and honestly, Me, with all my grey hair and pregnant?)
I'm sorry for your frustration, but nothing's hidden in my opnion, with the guy's name on it! "Forgotten" by him sounds more like it?
The twisting of things gets to be as amazing an artform as the blameshifting.
Do you keep track of this as I do? It can be used for charachter reference or flaw sometimes and just helps to show the kind of person it is. It helps to discredit, esp. the lying.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
It is what it is.
BTDT not going back.
If he is accusing you of hiding money... chances are he IS hiding money. At least that has been my experience. Good Luck.
Even on the stand I got questions. Luckily my financial strategy during our marriage was straight from Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. They had accused me of hiding money in a Roth under my names. Yes, after I maximized your IRA, opened a Roth in your name maxed that, and then opened one in my name WITH YOUR NAME ON IT TOO. Straight from the book. Damn, if I was trying to hide money I wouldn't max out his accounts first and then open an account in the same freaking back with your name on the account
I am way smarter than that.
He's trying to relieve the GUILT he feels. Plain and simple. He's proven he's an expert at hiding things from you.
I'd bet my paycheck (not that it's a lot, lol) that he's hiding money from whatever accounts you're looking at.
He's trying to figure out how to cook the books before turning it over to your L.