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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Changing names (and the Mrs/Ms/Miss thing)
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't care a whit about Miss vs Ms. Don't care. I do hate Mrs. I've always hated that tag, even before I married. I think it's degrading to be titled something that belongs to a man.

I will change my surname back to my maiden name ASAP after the judge signs the paperwork. There is no hassle worse than having been married to him. Any bother I have to go through to rid myself of any tie to him will be far less than it was to be married to him.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9821 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I changed my name back to my maiden name as soon as we officially separated. No way I was keeping his name. It made me feel free going back to my name.

We have children and to be honest I didn't even think about them having a different name. My youngest wanted to hyphenate his name but the x refused. My son now says he will do it when he is an adult.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 4:12 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still use my married name, but with 'Ms', which I don't mind. Personally I don't and never did like 'Miss' and have never seen why our marital status has to be clear in our titles, when men's aren't. I will change back to my maiden name when divorce final (this year). For me, dumping the wedding ring and 'Mrs' bit was liberating, part of letting go.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
CallMeRed1
♀ Member
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 4:13 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is so interesting how everyone thinks.

I can totally understand why people keep their married name if they get on with their families-in-law but I've basically been treated like I've died (apart from by FIL who I am very fond of).

MIL thinks everything is my fault as she is a blame-shifting narc like her son.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 187 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And ex didn't just marry someone who is now new Mrs. Asshat, step mom to my kids. She is the OW. I in NO WAY wanted to be confused with that bar trash slunt.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1264 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before I was married my nickname at work was "The Divine Ms M".

Once I was married I became "Mrs D".

You can guess which one I prefer.


I'm happy to report The Divine Ms M is back in the house. I absolutely adore having my own name back. One good thing about Australian Family Law is we are legally known by both names so all I had to do was show my M certificate to change it all back to my own name.

I cannot believe I changed it - my own name is so much more awesome than his stupid name. Its not even his name - its his mothers maiden name. Dumbarse.

I love Ms. Even if I never married I doubt I would be using Miss at this age.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
luv2swim
♀ Member
Member # 13154
Default  Posted: 2:45 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kept my married name for one reason: our children. We have boys. They have seen very little of their father since he left our family to live with (and marry) the OW. The kids and I are family, and ex has detached from us significantly. At one point they begged to change their last name if I was going to change mine. We all considered this, but honestly, it was just too much of a hassle. What seemed most important was to have the same name as my kids as an indication of my family solidarity with THEM, irrespective of what their dad did.

Plus there is this: OW (now the second wife of my ex husband) has the same first name as I do (we have different middle names). Ex husband begged me to change my married name back to my maiden name before he and OW married. So, you know, this sealed the deal for me. No way in hell was I gonna change my name to suit his/ow desires!

[This message edited by luv2swim at 2:55 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]


Me: BS
Him: NPD WS
Married 24 years
incredible kids
D day: 2006 ... he left to live with OW.
Divorced: 2009
WS + OW: Married 2011

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: US
foxglove
♀ Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went back to my maiden name after a long marriage and being known professionally in my married name. However, shortly after my D was final, my dad died and I was so glad that I have the name of the only man who ever truly honored me.


Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1462 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't use any of them. Have not had a problem and it's been 9 years since I went back to my own identity.

I find nowadays most people will call you by your first name or first and last, when calling you to come for your appointment or whatever.

Miss. Mrs. Ms. are dying out except when you are addressing ladies older than you.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
ExposedNiblet
♀ Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was Mrs. Niblet at one time, I proudly wore that name like a badge of honor.

Fast forward many years, Son1 and Son2 are both Niblets, so I chose to also remain a Niblet.

To me it doesn't matter if there are other Mrs. Niblets to follow...I was the first, and Honey, let me tell you, I was the best.

Just like the saying goes, "Often imitated, never duplicated", that's me: Ms.Niblet, now until the end of time.

Amen.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I changed back to my maiden, mostly because I am getting my doctorate and dammit, I want that to be Dr. Maidenname. I was thinking that I havent yet published or worked in my field so it would be an ideal time to change. I also thought ahead -- wouldn't change it again, so if I got remarried but still had ex's last name, that's just... that felt wrong. So I figured I would just switch now and keep it, no matter what. Ex was put out, I think, and my parents thought it was wierd. My kids werent thrilled but it doesnt really affect them much. I'm pleased now, 6 months later, that I changed it, though I am still finding stuff I didn't change!


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kept my married name.It's shorter than my maiden and I've had it 27 yrs. It's my name.
I use the MS. I don't feel like a Miss. It sounds very young and I'm not. Definitely not a Mrs any longer.
Twatwife is now the third Mrs Gma.(1st wife died 20 yrs after their D) I hope it bothers her but doubt it since she fucked him when I was his wife.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
missmydogs
♀ Member
Member # 36559
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While we are still technically married, so I use his last name for legal purposes (tax returns, and FICA). I use my name for everything else. My checking account, fb, lease, ect. I can't drop his name fast enough. I want MY name back!


Me 36
DS 16
DD 4

Divorced!

I've made a huge mistake - GOB


Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: missmydogs
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With xWH#1, I was teaching and had 2 kids and felt it was easier to keep my married name.

When I married current WH, I changed my name to his. BUT, now that I've decided to D (not sure when) I can't wait to get rid of any trace of that POS, even though we have 2 kids together!!


Posts: 1947 | Registered: Jan 2010
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think there is no right or wrong answer to this question - you need to do what works for you. It seems like something you need to do in your situation to get the point across to your STBX. Personally, I wanted my own name back. My in-laws were actually hurt that I did it, but they understood. My kids thought it was a given.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kept my married name. I asked about this in an etiquette forum once, and was informed that "technically" I am still "Mrs. Z" but I personally don't like that, so I use "Ms." instead.

If I ever get remarried to a man, I'd take his name; if I were to marry a woman I would either take her name or we would both take a new name.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13797 | Registered: Jul 2011
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As the only guy chiming in here, I just wish we would go with MR. for men and MS. for women and be done with it. It would be a whole less confusing than trying to figure out if it is Miss, Ms. or Mrs.

If someone - man or woman - is married, that should be obvious in how they act. IMO it is not so important in their signature. It's not the dark ages where women need a husband for legal stuff anymore. But there are enough names that can be for either a man or a woman that having a title does help reduce the confusion.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
bigpicture3236
♀ Member
Member # 27861
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have grown children, so am keeping my married name. My two SILs, also with children, went to a hyphenated version of their maiden and married names.


If you love something and hurt it dearly, then chose not to fix it...you never deserved it in the first place.

Posts: 3603 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Michigan
luv2swim
♀ Member
Member # 13154
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gahurts wrote:
I just wish we would go with MR. for men and MS. for women and be done with it.

I agree! A man doesnít have any new title for being married, so neither should a woman.

OR, if we want to recognize a person as being legally married, do so for both partners: e.g. MRM (married man), MSM (married woman).

[This message edited by luv2swim at 3:42 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]


Me: BS
Him: NPD WS
Married 24 years
incredible kids
D day: 2006 ... he left to live with OW.
Divorced: 2009
WS + OW: Married 2011

Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: US
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those of you who kept your married name, doesn't/won't it bother you when your ex remarries?

Nope, not at all. I've had this last name for 21 years. The wifetress has only had it for 4 months, if she's using it at all. It doesn't bother me at all for her to know that I'll always be the first Mrs. Ex Lastname, and that she got my sloppy seconds.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
Topic Posts: 43
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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