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Newest Member: PushedOverBoard (45076)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Living in the same house
dbellanon
♂ Member
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So at this point, separation and divorce look certain. The only problem is that we are stuck living together for an indefinite period of time. She was planning on moving out on July 1st, but she is having trouble finding an apartment, so she says that she could be living with me for the entire summer.

I do not know how I feel about this.

On the one hand, it makes the logistics of trading time with our daughter easier. There are certain practical conveniences to the arrangement. But at the same time, having to have separate time with our daughter when we are living in the same house... it just drives home the injustice of it even more because I'm just physically so close. It could be family time with just a few steps, and yet one of us is still forced to step back.

I feel as though I'm finally doing a 180 and detaching myself, and I suppose that if any benefit were to come from this step, it is good that it would have some extra time to come about, but I also wonder if she'll really have enough breathing room to come to her senses while we are in the same house.

The situation is tense, though we're doing a decent enough job of being civil around each other. I just don't know how I should feel about it. I appreciate the practical benefits, and pushing back the July 1st deadline was something that I had wanted before, but I don't know if I want it now. I am sick of being stuck in limbo. I judge the probability of her changing her mind as near zero. I know her too well.

I suppose it doesn't make a difference since I can't kick her out until she has a place to live, but I'm not sure how best to handle it.

Does anyone have experience with an extended in-house separation?


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 223 | Registered: May 2013
Shockleader
♂ Member
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone have experience with an extended in-house separation?

I did it, and it totally sucked.

I do not know how I feel about this.

I can tell you that while you can detach in the situation, it is much better when you are not around her. I totally get the injustice bit, and agree.

I judge the probability of her changing her mind as near zero. I know her too well.

You got that right... Don't even try.

She can't find an apartment, or won't consider what she is finding... Tell her to go on Craigslist and rent a room, and put her crap in storage.

Good luck.


D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...


Posts: 652 | Registered: Sep 2012
dbellanon
♂ Member
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever apartment she finds is one that my daughter is going to have to live in 50% of the time, so I have every reason to want her to find a good place.


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 223 | Registered: May 2013
CallMeRed1
♀ Member
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the extended in-house separation thing and it was hideous. He mentally moved on about 4-5 months before he moved out. He moved out March 15th and I'm only just getting there.

Limit the length of time as much as you can, that's my advice.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 187 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
aLadypilot
♀ Member
Member # 1822
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did it for a while, even after we were divorced. We were never around each other, but were cordial when we saw each other. It's like living with a roommate that you don't like very much. If you absolutely hate each other, I don't think that would work for anybody.

It was necessary for financial reasons.


Divorced 9/2010
Just married 7/4/13

Posts: 4082 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Twin Cities
Topic Posts: 5

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