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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dealing with other family members of WS
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same thing here..
I tried to tell the family in law but they immediately defended him and turned on me.

I am currently debating on whether to try to get the kids to visit their grandmother this summer for a couple of days while I am near her town.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2120 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same thing here..
I tried to tell the family in law but they immediately defended him and turned on me.

I am currently debating on whether to try to get the kids to visit their grandmother this summer for a couple of days while I am near her town.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2120 | Registered: Jan 2012
Reality
♀ Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During our first DD, I asked my husband if he had talked to his family, to get more perspective, to find support.

He told his mom what was going on. She said that because he hadn't slept with any of the women involved, any problems we were having were due to my "issues and insecurities" and that it was likely me making a big deal over nothing.

Yeah, not fun. Not a surprise they weren't in the loop during DD#2.

[This message edited by Reality at 12:23 PM, June 3rd (Monday)]


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My IL do not know. I adore them and know it would cause them a great deal of pain knowing their precious son turned into a liar and a cheat.

They can't help me heal so I decided to limit who did know but I wasn't going to hide his lie.

A few family members know (sister and sister in law), two good friends one of which treats me very differently now. Judging me, I feel, like I am always in the wrong. Very tense.

Simply put the ugliness of the affair is something people don't want to be too close to them. If it can happen to you then yee gads, perhaps it can happen to them as well. Too close for comfort.

I recommend you reaching out to your IL and simply state " I am sorry this has happened, I know it is hard on everyone, however, I do value the relationship I have with you. I know your daughter will come first but I hope to remain in your life regardless of the outcome".

It sucks all around. It just does. So sorry.

Keep moving.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1143 | Registered: Apr 2013
Ladyogilvy
♀ Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The family of my WH is one of the most screwed up families I've ever known. Equal with that of my birthfather's family just in different ways. Fortunately, I had limited contact with my birthfather. Unfortunately, my mother died young so I have no family left. Sometimes no family is better than screwed up family. My WH has very limited contact with his family. His sister works for him from 600 miles away. She is not very functional and has constantly let him down at work years but he keeps her employed. I don't think he shares anything personal with her. She doesn't want to let him down but she really is dysfunctional. She and her children live with her psycho mother. Her 18yo son is severely depressed. Her 16yo daughter is cutting herself. I cut off communication with MIL when my boys were babies and she wouldn't commit to not spanking them. She's since pulled a gun on her daughter. I like my SIL. She is screwed up but she's always been nice to me. Talked to me when WH was being abusive. talked to me about his A. She knows he's as screwed up as she is in his own way. She still loves him but she doesn't defend his behavior at all. Considering her income depends on him, you kinda have to give her some credit. We don't talk often but she has always been supportive of me and I've always been supportive of her. I can't say the same for my WH's partners at work, one of who has been more like family than anyone in his family. We spent Christmases together, they spent vacations with us in the places we rented, etc... When they found out I knew about the A, I was suddenly persona non grata at the office. It was really bad. I can't even go into the details because they are so upsetting. I hate them. I wish that they were dead. My WH spends more time on lunch meetings with them than going out with me. I forbid the company picnics and Christmas parties they still have without WH. The last Christmas party WH attended, OW put panties in his pocket. The following company picnic they cancelled when they found out I knew about it because they were afraid I would show up and do something to OW (even though they never admited OW worked there). OW was gone before the next Christmas party, if the timeline I've had to piece together myself is right. But, there will be no more picnics and parties for us.


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1512 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shocked, you should tell your WS's parents that you don't take care of cheating women.

Looks like their little princess got to them. Of course they are going to support her. But to say you should have seen it coming and that YOU need to take care of a huss? Really?

If you are going to divorce her, then maybe you might want to stand up to them if they are talking s**t about you and tell them that cheating husses like their daughter don't deserve to be taken care of, and she lost a good man.

I told my x-father-in-law straight up that I like him alot, but his daughter is a cheating skank when he came to see me. He didn't argue with me because he knew it was true. All he said is "ya, just like her mother, but she is my daughter and I have to support her".
I told him I wouldn't expect anything less.

[This message edited by nofool4u at 3:43 PM, June 7th (Friday)]


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, family sticks by family. My MIL blamed me for my wife's affair. Wanted her to leave me..yadda yadda. Whatevs.

Funny, all the family friends ended up sticking by her too. We move in three weeks. All family friends moms are throwing her a farewell party. Nothing for me and the kids eh? Pretty sure I was at their kids birthdays, games, and graduations too. Meh.

I can't help but resent this a bit, I mean..would they still be throwing her a party if it had been their husbands that she was sleeping with?


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly. Ya think if these parents that are blaming their in laws for their kids' cheating would blame themselves if they got cheated on?
Ya, I'd like to see them say, "its my fault, I can't complain" Idiots.

My x-MIL blamed me as well. And when me and her had words I told her, "Awww, too bad. Now your daughter won't have a retirement to fall back on when she is older. Hope she is prepared to work until she is 75 or 80."

Oh that pissed x-MIL off


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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