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Newest Member: KevinTheAsshole (45445)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: going on 3 years and very sad
♀ Member
Member # 37884
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's wanting him to make you feel a certain way that is the problem.
It's going to be difficult for him to make you feel beautiful, safe or wanted or loved ever again. Why would he? He discounted you in a rather significant way.

I'm very sorry you're still so sad. I don't think the solution lies with any relationship dynamic anymore. It probably lies in other aspects of your life and your relationship with yourself.

My husband is unable to make me feel safe or uniquely wanted. The only thing I've got going on beyond any other woman he'd find attractive is that I'm the mother of his kids. I have no idea whether or not that's true, but it IS how I feel. It's not going to change. Heaven help us if someone manages to give me those "sweep me off my feet" feelings. I hope my boundaries are tight enough to prevent that.

You need to be happy for internal reasons. That's the key.
Things rings so true. The hardest thing is that I only want him to sweep me off my feet but I do not know if he ever could again. It takes trust and really believing that he loves.

[This message edited by n0tm3 at 12:02 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

Me: BS 45
Him: WH 45
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 47 married 23
DDay #2 2/1/13 EA 6 years ago for 2 weeks with a married college friend through FB
Married 18 years, together 21 years
3 kids; 7,13,16
R trying IC and MC

Posts: 252 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ Member
Member # 31507
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

similar place, pretty much don't get hit hard TOO often..

but... my WH took a lover RIGHT AFTER we got married, within weeks. While we were still in the 'starry eyed' phase.

I think I know why I'm never going to "get over" this. But I am living with it!


Me: BS
Together since 1997, married Jan 2010, EA started Feb 2010, PA June 2010
D-day1 Oct 20 2010 / D-day2 Oct 21 2010 and following week / found this site Mar 2011
He didn't do work to reconcile.
DIVORCED in 2014 and HAPPY!

Posts: 595 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, next month 3 yrs. And yes, sometimes right between the eyes.
Determined to see the other side of this someday, a vague memory (both of us!)
Hugs to all of us!

In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!

Posts: 888 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
♀ Member
Member # 39134
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting to Happy,

When you wrote this:

"I fear that if I let my guard down and never talk about his trysts with the ho-worker that he will think that it magically went away. And then I think...not so fast buddy!"

It made me think of something I have read about men and women that made sense to me:

When there is a problem, or bad thing that happens, men like to tackle it and fix it and then never hear about it again because otherwise they think they haven't ticked it off their list of things to do while....
women like to talk and retalk about the bad thing because it makes them feel safe that the bad thing will never happen again.

Perhaps that is why we (women BS at least) want to keep talking about make us feel that the bad thing will never happen again.
Do male BS want to talk about it less than female ones?

DD 1 - 7/7/2004
DD 2 - 10/31/2011
DD 3 - 4/30/2013(or continuation?)(Yes)
DD 4 - 9/25/2013
DD 5 - 2/15/2014 (found phone from 2009)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ Member
Member # 32660
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto for me. I have to same feelings. My Dday#1 was 3 1/2 yrs ago and and DDay #2 about 1 yr ago where I found out by fwh had a LTA with one of the ow off and for 37 yrs. So, you bet I think about it everyday. It is so painful. My fwh is trying to do all that he can ( IC,SA therapy and MC)
And that does help but even though we are trying to R and I'm learning more about his issues it still hurts terribly that he didnt fight hard enough to deal with his addiction. Only when faced with D did he finally "see the light".
I sometimes stop and just shake my head in disbelief at what has become my life.
Take care.

Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

Posts: 429 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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