My husband had an LTA that started before we even married. If I'd figured it out with one kid -- I would be totally gone. Probably even with 2.
But either way, here's why you walk out in your situation. Because he's remorseless and he needs to know you're dead serious. Total NC. No info about you, the baby, anything. Have him served too. I was 5 months pregnant (with my 4th) on Dday, and my WH wasn't sure I was going to let him come to the birth until we got up that morning.
I have a friend whose husband was hooking up with an exGF while she was pregnant with the first and when the baby was small, she left him with their 6 week old baby and went total NC for 9 weeks. Stayed with her Mom. She took him back but it was a whole list of hoops to jump through, and she still doesn't share finances with him (13 years later).
You have to say, look, you might not respect me, this woman or yourself, but I respect me.
I completely agree with the above, you are no ones second choice.
1 month EA/PA (no sex) with our best friend 5 months after we got married. She sang at our wedding.
Status: trying R
When you had the issues, did you set firm boundaries? Are you following through with the consequences?
#1 Your WH is a piece of shit. He has an affair and then, even though discovered, continues to hurt you over and over again while starting a family with you.
#2 The police need to be called asap. There is absolutely no excuse for not reporting this woman - do not let her think this can go on.
#3 Set firm boundaries - he so much as flinches and you should throw his sorry ass out the door.
You are in no condition to put up with this crap. Put a stop to it now.
I now see the OW is trying to convince me to leave him as well by making up things (see above) so I'd prefer to just have control over all contact she tries to make with either of us.
He is not going to work today and am helping him write a letter of resignation later on. Then we'll have to take it from there- this is the last kind of stress I needed while 6 months pregnant.
Yes...you're WH is ultimately responsible for his actions..absolutely. But,honey,she is also responsible for her actions. She is not a child. She is a 25 year old woman who had an affair with a married man. Yes,she said she was disgusted with him,and yes,she sent you emails and texts he sent her...but she also is lying to you about him contacting her when he is right next to you and you know it's not true..she showed up at your house and broke a window...those are not the actions of an innocent woman who found out her boyfriend was/is married. This woman is desperate to get your WH's attention,and has shown you she can be violent...what she did is bad enough,but it can,and very well might escalate if you don't act right NOW. You can NOT be passive. You are responsible for protecting your sweet baby,and yourself. You must go to the police.
Im so sorry he has done this again. You need to stand up,pull your bitch boots on,and take control of this situation...either he does A,B,C,etc,or her gets the Hell out. if you are too passive he will walk all over you.
Big hugs. I hope I wasn't too harsh. Im alarmed at the behavior of the OW,and Im worried about/for you.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
. I think what also is stopping me from calling the cops is I feel bad for her...I know how manipulative he can be, and she is clearly hurt. Of course, I would never behave the way she did, even though I was the one who really got fucked up by this situation, but do I really want this poor girl to get her heart broken and get arrested in the same 2 days? I know it sounds crazy- you never know how you will act in a situation until it happens to you.
I am not trying to be harsh but HUH?!?!? I think you are projecting how you would be as this young woman, she is clearly not the naive young flower you want her to be. She is a master manipulator in training. Believ me I dealt with her grown-up version. She has agoal that is to get into your head & wreak havoc on you. She can then say you ended the marriage she was just a bystander.
MY OWDBC would do the same thing, call me & tell me he was with her - umm he's sitting right here She would tell me where he was & what he was texting her, all of it untrue.
You need to NC her ass now. Block her phone, email etc... Now that they won't be in any contact for work why not? Also I would warn her next contact will result in police report & harasssment order. The ball is then in her court, she can tae the responsibilty if she does it again.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
[This message edited by jojo42 at 8:27 AM, June 3rd (Monday)]
I think that it should be your WH that phones the police to have her charged, after all he is the one that brought the OW into your life, in a bad way
If he calls then he is showing accountability to you for bringing crazy into your life at such a delicate time
All this added stress is not good for you and the baby,
He needs to man up, and put you and your unborn child first, I don't think that you should have to help him write his resignation letter, you didn't cause this problem he did, if you are always going to take care of things for him, what is he going to learn from this horrible experience, besides, he can do what he wants and you will clean up the mess, he needs to clean up the mess that his infidelity has caused, not you
If he won't call the police then I sure hope that you do, the crazy other woman could have thrown a rock threw the window, but no she is crazy enough to use her own hand, she is unstable, and if your WH won't then you need too, please protect the innocent baby that you are carrying, you don't know what this crazy OW will do
I agree about the work situation - if she's contacting you from a work account, forward them to her boss. If you are afraid a restraining order will only increase her behavior, then at the very least go to your local police station and explain the situation. Show them the texts, tell them about the window. They will advise you on how best to handle it.
Not only that, they will then have a heads up and understand what is really going on if she shows up at your house again and you call 911.
I can't imagine going through this and being six months pregnant. Try to stay healthy. Drink ensure or smoothies if your appetite is decreasing and drink lots of water. Make sure you're taking pre-natal vitamins and big HUGE hugs to you....
If he doesn't have the common sense to stay away from her, then you'll need his child support after you divorce him.
If he does stay away from her, you need the income.
Just my two cents.
I know you feel bad for her, but who's more vulnerable, her or your baby? Yep, the baby. Easy decision. Also, by taking concise action, you're also giving your husband context of just how bad the whole situation is.
No doubt, he's still all fogged up and in denial - to whatever degree - and has minimized the situation and his involvement for a long, long time.
This will help him measure the depths to which he's dragged your lives.
To be honest, if you have good supports, being a single mom is doable. I lived with my parents for a year after my oldest was born. Saved my sanity since he was super colicky. I actually enjoyed being a single mom, though I think that's cause the bio dad had NC with us, so I got to make all the decisions.
Not sure where you live, but if you want to move (like to another state, for example), doing it before the baby is easier. When you have a CO, it's harder to move away.
DS (6), DS (18 months)
Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".
Status: Done like dinner