Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Turtles (43206)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Visiting this site triggers ?
Hopeful85
♀ Member
Member # 36366
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am almost a year from dday and we are in reconciliation...I trigger usually when he is not home but I have also discovered most times that I also trigger is when either I visit this site or after couples counseling. Anyone else similar? He is hard to trust because I have recently caught him in a possibly unrelated lie and while my gut says he wouldn't cheat again that obviously isn't good enough since I never expected it from the start. I just worry I'm in denial because most days I'm fine but then I read the site and it brings it all back and I find myself calling him out on everything whether it be current or old issues. We talk it out but I don't want to be detrimental to our r...how do you guys handle it? Or is it strange this is a trigger when it should be helpful
Jess

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012
MoreThanMe
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well yeah- people come here- more often than not- with bad news. And we're all so Leary of our waywards as it is.


Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009


Posts: 694 | Registered: Sep 2009
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I admit that sometimes I have read some things here that compelled me to start questioning my fWH about some aspect of his A I hadn't considered before. I can't say I regret any discussion or argument we've had that was provoked by something I read here. I learned to trust my gut by hearing others' stories. It is only now at 8 months post DDay that I am starting to discern better between real and "fabricated" concerns when I'm reading on here, but like I said, no regrets. Even in my naivety and confusion I didn't do anywhere near the damage my fWH did with his A.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 697 | Registered: Oct 2012
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I do think I pick up new baggage here, but this site has been so tremendously helpful to me so I keep coming back. It's hard to hear the stories of others with such similarities to our own without internalizing it.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

The sea is so wide, and my boat is so small.


Posts: 553 | Registered: May 2013 | From: A state of overwhelmed
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. Some stories on here trigger me at times. I however find that this site is also more helpful than hurtful for me.

1.)Without the folks from SI I would have always thought that the A was my fault in some way.

2) I would not know that I was actually enabling him to continue his affair with OW.

3)That I needed to heal me and I couldn't fix him.

4) That WH#2 is regretful, but not remorseful and until he is we can not R our marriage. It won't work until he fixs what is broken inside him.

5) Detach from him and practice the 180 (still working on this one).

6) That I have to be willing to let him go in order to save myself and our marriage.

I could go on and on with the things that SI has helped me with. I guess the most helpful thing is knowing I am not alone and I always have someone that will listen and really care when I need to vent, cry, laugh, get a 2X4 upside the head, etc..Just like some medications that have side effects, are the side effects worse than the cure in the long run or can you tolerate them in order to help yourself. SI shows me that there are kind caring people in the world and not everyone is distrustful and hurtful when you open your heart to them. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If i read this site before bed it makes the nightmares more intense


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have at times felt the same way...but you want to know the truth?

see....i realized that sometiems i didnt want to come here because of what people were saying....the truth. for example...i would read stories about what real r looked like....and would know in my heart that my wayward was not doing what he needed to do do help me. or, i would read the stories and learn about how access to phone records was a must. it hurt me because my husband refused initially to give me the phone records..

i didnt want to read what people were saying becasue in my heart i knew that my husband was full of crap. fast forward....i discovered i was in false r.

now, my eyes are open. yes, it is hard reading some things on here...and i do get triggers. but that is okay. i need to know that i have the support by reading or posting....to ensure that i am making the right decisions.

tough stuff to read sometimes but so important....i have avoided many mistakes and pitfalls from reading this site.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 1 baby
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
Attempting R in bitchboots

Posts: 907 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
pewpewpew
♀ Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes I feel the same sometimes.
I actually had to take a break from SI to focus on my healing.
As much as this site has helped - sometimes it triggers me and causes all the hurt to come back.


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Jan 2013
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its funny that after a 2 week break from visiting SI, i come across this post first.

yes, there have been times i have triggered from reading the site. BUT then again, i trigger from TV shows, songs, the freaking Home Depot for crying out loud. I think it is just a part of the pain that we are going thru. Triggers pops up in the strangest places...no rhyme or reason.

There is much sadness on this site....but from that sadness i have seen some great strength prevail not only in myself but in the other users. Despite the negative/trigger feelings i have gotten from visiting sometimes...the hope, strength, support and words of encouragement i have received from the incredible users here has been vital to my survival. That far outweighs the occasional trigger i feel.

hugs to you.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
still-living
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Visiting SI and reading various stories good and bad enabled me to push myself through the pain and process it in a more controlled and accelerated manner. Otherwise, I leave myself susceptible to being "triggered" by random events occurring to me during the day. Some call it "leaning" into the pain.


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14

My dog farted, startled himself, wondered where the noise came from. I wish my life was as simple.


Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes, yes, I find it hard to be here. Sometimes after reading a particularly heart-breaking post, I find myself regarding my FWH with narrowed eyes. Sometimes, I just have to put the computer away and walk away for a while. And when I need to do that, I do.

But most of the time, I learn something new every time I come to the site. And I'm reminded in the Wayward forum, that there are WSs who understand completely what they've done and are determined to never go there again, and I can un-narrow my eyes at my FWH (much to his relief!). And occasionally, I can help someone walk a path that no one wants to walk. Those are the good times.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4120 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Hopeful85
♀ Member
Member # 36366
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for not making me feel alone in this. The benefit def outweighs the harm which is why I do come back. I am lazy by nature and this website and our counselor helps keep that in check by assuring me I should check up on ws even if it just be for the positive outcomes of me finding him being truthful. Wish I could just turn back time to when this all wasn't an issue ya know...like wake up from the nightmare

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012
Hopeful85
♀ Member
Member # 36366
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for not making me feel alone in this. The benefit def outweighs the harm which is why I do come back. I am lazy by nature and this website and our counselor helps keep that in check by assuring me I should check up on ws even if it just be for the positive outcomes of me finding him being truthful. Wish I could just turn back time to when this all wasn't an issue ya know...like wake up from the nightmare

Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.