I mean really dating a married man and it isn't cheating.. ReallY????
So right, thank you. Sometimes he manipulates it so much that I start to wonder if I'm crazy or if he is right. When I get feedback like this, I know I'm not nuts. He is justifying.
And we all know there's a special place in hell for douchey WH's who cheat on their very pregnant wives.
Stay strong sister.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
[This message edited by allatsea at 2:32 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]
I have wanted to post an update for quite a few months now. I haven't been on SI for quite a while, after the turn of events, but is probably time I try and help others in any way I can.
After finding out about OW when our 4th child was only just born and going through the nightmare of post DD, and he and the OW broke up, (two months after he moved out of our home to "move on"), he wanted to come back and said he "made the biggest mistake of his life". We tried to R, well, we were R the way he wanted to, forget it happened and not talk about it. He wanted to move on again, go back to life. He was acting like I should just be happy he wanted to come back, as a narcissist would. We had some nice days in between where I'd try to push down what happened because I wanted it to go away so bad. Beach in August, still trying through the fall, even to the point of missing each other and lots of HB, leaving work early to sneak to be with him. Spent Christmas 2013 together.
In January, things were just not right. I was not happy, he would still come in smelling like pot. Leave for a couple hours in the middle of the day. Stay at his place but since he found out he was going to be evicted on Feb 15, he started moving his stuff into our home again little by little. I wasn't being romanced, he wasn't helping me heal, he just wanted his life back, and a roof over his head. I think he loved me in his own way.
Beginning of February 2014, we had a huge text fight after I asked some questions and a revelation about the A came out. (He admitted to having a kiss with her before I even had the baby and the whole time, it was "we were just friends", and yeah, I have the book). Anyway, horrible things were said and I blocked him for good. I couldn't bare hear any more. It was like he knew it wouldn't work so he was trying to hurt me with details of the A and be a monster to push me away for good.
March 16, 2014 I am out with the kids for dinner, get home around 9 and get a call from his father that he is not feeling well and in the hospital. I get my mom over to watch the kids and rush there. He is unconscience and tubes hooked up everywhere, bloated. He arrested but was on machines. In that instant, I was ready to forgive him and love him forever, if he could just be ok, I was going to hug him so hard and say, "everything will be ok."
He was transferred to another hospital because he needed a heart machine. We were hopeful. I couldn't wait to get to talk to him and a chance to work everything out. His dad and I were up all night waiting for something. Tests were being done, things kept getting worse. His dad got a phone call and says to me in the hallway, "his girlfriend is on her way up".
WHAT!? I don't know at what moment in my life so many mixed emotions were occurring at once! I had to face the girlfriend, who turned out to be a bottom feeding idiot. His parents kicked her ass out of the hospital because she was being rude and mean to us all. We wouldn't let her see him. She was the last thing we needed while we all were grieving. She only knew him for 4 weeks. He never woke up. He died within 3 days of arriving at the hospital and only because of the machines. He was 40 and in perfect health. Autopsy revealed cocksackie virus.
Further, this girl he shacked up with in his last four weeks of life, turned out to be my nightmare for the next months up until last month or so to the point of driving his car around getting tickets that would be sent to my home. She tried telling everyone she was pregnant, then four months pregnant, then it was ectopic, so that was all a lie. Shocker. She MOVED herself and two kids into MY town from an hour away and put my ex WHs sweatshirt with our last name on it on her child and sent him on a field trip with it on. I happened to be on the trip and see it! That's how I found out she moved in! Psycho! Sent me emails using his email address! A picture of herself. Told me he hated me deeply and he didn't think our last 3 children were his. Lots of private things I'm sure he did tell her to get her feeling sorry for him. Unreal.
A few weeks after he died, I realized that he died exactly one year to the day he told me he was leaving me. How surreal. It still is.
I'm so much better, but still so traumatized and confused. Unsure about my emotions, how to have relationships, trust. I thought I'd be posting a karma story on SI for a long time, but this isn't karma. Karma would have been if he were alive to see how happy I am going to be. After all the horrible things he's done, I never wanted this. I miss him every day. I don't forget the things he did and I'm still angry even. But I would have rather he still be living and be part of his children's lives in some way. I was with him since I was 20, for 15 years, and a part of me is gone with him.
I've been dating someone really special for a couple months and it's been really difficult. I'm not sure I'm healthy enough yet but I care for this person and he is good. Good guy. Caring. Different for me. I'm happy with him. But I'm still healing.
[This message edited by Jewlz at 3:53 PM, October 14th (Tuesday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Words cannot begin to express my heartfelt sympathies for you and your family.
You have been through so much. So much.
Grieve. Grieve the loss of your H and your marriage.
You are an amazing, kind, loving woman. Give your time and space to heal.
We are here for you.
Many hugs and prayers.
I just had a discussion yesterday with WH about what if one of us were to die tomorrow.
You've been through to much, I hope your future brings you so much better! You are a strong woman!
My XWH was killed on his 36 birthday back in 2003 & while I was further in the process than you, I was still absolutely devastated he died. We had been divorced for several years & I was actually getting remarried that fall. But I was crushed & sobbed over his casket before his funeral.
So I totally understand your sorrow & my heart goes out to you!!! Thank you for the update although it wasnt the one I had hoped for you.
Me: BS, 40s
WH: WS, 50s
Married 18 years, Together 22
Two school aged daughters
Confronted H 10/24, H admitted to EA but not PA
11/14 Admitted to PA
In MC, attempting to R
I hope that now the initial shock has passed and you are healing from the pain of all of this you realize your worth.
You are brave, smart, and fearless. You can and will be stronger and smarter for having gone through this.
I wish you happiness and strength.
[This message edited by tushnurse at 7:36 AM, October 15th (Wednesday)]
I can't believe everything you've been through. You are a very strong and courageous woman to have dealt with all that and remain strong for your family.
I wish you and your children well.i hope you find the happiness you truly deserve in life. No one should have to go through what you did. I was in tears at some of the things you endured.
I honestly think you need to take a step back before jumping into a serious relationship. You need time to grieve and process the A as well as his death. You are extremely vulnerable, and I would hate to see someone take advantage of you....
Sending you hugs and prayers.
Good to hear from you.