I don't even know where to begin. Right now, it's the usual lump in my throat, feeling like vomiting, horrible pain in my heart feeling and I am hoping this site can help me a little.
I am 35 and my H is 39 and last spring, I got pregnant with our fourth child. Our other 3 are 13, 10, and 8 so this was a surprise. Summer was fine, we had a great vacation where we had a conversation about being past all the BS in our lives and best friends and all that. He said it was the best vacation ever. Our kids joined football and cheerleading in late summer into the fall and my husband sat at all the practices and games (I coached cheerleading, yes while pregnant). One of the other cheer coaches had 4 children also and knew me and would sit or hang out and talk. I trusted my husband to sit and talk with her and remember him saying after we sat together one night, how she is nice.
In December I noticed something odd in her looks, a couple of looks she gave him. There was a talent show and her and her family (including the father of 3 of her kids) sat right behind us and I remember being pissed cause everytime I looked at my H, he was staring back at them. I remember asking my husband in early December, "are you seeing someone?" "Do you still want to be married to me?" I sensed something was off but he said he was stressed about the baby coming. He started smoking pot and I dissapproved. At first he said, "I'll stop, I don't want to lose you" but then continued and more.
Sure enough, I went into labor on Xmas Eve and he acted almost pissed that I was ruining the holidays or something.
Anyway, I was so happy the day my son was born. He brought all the kids to the hospital Xmas day and gave me a diamond ring. The next day, I was alone in the hospital all day and was calling the house. He was rushing me off the phone, saying her four kids were there for a playdate. I called hours later and knew something wasn't right and sure enough, my son told me the mother was there the entire time. I cried for hours in the hospital. He ended up apologizing for it and to the kids for it being inappropriate because I was upset for like 2 weeks. All winter, he was completely distant. He was home since he works only spring to fall but his routine was, shower, take kids to school, go to the gym, come home around noon, eat lunch, take a nap and then he'd leave to get the kids an hour early to "get his spot".
We had sex twice in early February and that was it. We were mostly fighting. Mid March, he hit me with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you", bringing up every bad time, saying we're incompatible. It was the first deep convo we'd had and little did I know it was the last. I found out days later that he'd been withdrawing $ from my personal savings that we never touched..almost $7000. Despite this, and his decision to leave me, I still had some hope and was somewhat coping. But day before Easter he went "out" and didn't come home til 1pm the next day. Easter day, I was cooking and he bought the kids baskets. I saw the receipt the next day and saw flowers and a card on it. He told me they were for me but he decided not to give them to me. ??
He tortured me by still living in our home but staying out most nights. I would wake up with our newborn, still breastfeeding and be up with him and looking out to see if his car was there or not was complete agony. I begged him to tell me what was going on but he just said "we're not together!"
Mid April I caught him with this woman I suspected at the park, with all the kids. I was in total out-of-body shock. I drove past with our baby in the car and saw him there having a catch with her daughter. I walked up and the looks on their faces said it all. I said "what are you doing here with my family?" She actually said "I have nothing to do with your problems" and had a bit of an attitude. They acted like a couple and I was this outside evil person!
It's been about 2 months and he will not talk to me about anything to do with the affair, actually denies he even cheated because "we were separated". He moved out and on his 3rd visit with our kids, he had her and her kids there. I flipped out, asked him why he did that, told him he's hurting the kids and he says "I don't understand what the problem is" Is he really trying to say that it doesn't count since he broke up with me first? It's so frustrating, but I guess either way, it hurts just the same. I sent a couple of venting emails, one pretty nasty one and I'm done. I haven't reached out in about two weeks. He barely sees the kids, only spent 3 hours with our new baby in the past month and a half and he's only 5 months now.
I spend my minutes going from heartbroken, to extreme anger and rage, to almost acceptance at times, but then, back to missing him so much! I hate both of them so much. She was a FB friend who'd post stuff about "looking for someone to share her happiness with" for me to SEE while they were in their little romance, would like my pics, always having her daughter call to pick up my kids for playdates (even on the DD!), and she was AT my baby shower! She is sick and he doesn't even see it because he's blind. She is giving him attention. I am thinking it is a bit of MLC for him, but doesn't change anything. Doesn't excuse the behavior, but I swear, I feel like she isn't even with my husband, she is with some other guy. I'm also angry at the fact that I felt indifferent about him before this rejection, but now the intense emotions are amplified! He won't speak to any of his family, won't return calls.
[This message edited by Jewlz at 2:31 PM, June 3rd (Monday)]
