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User Topic: Husband of 13 years left me with 4 children for another woman
♀ Member
Member # 39431
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I mean really dating a married man and it isn't cheating.. ReallY????

So right, thank you. Sometimes he manipulates it so much that I start to wonder if I'm crazy or if he is right. When I get feedback like this, I know I'm not nuts. He is justifying.

Me = BW, 36
Him = WH, 40 (deceased)
Married 13 years
4 children, 14, 10, 9, 1 yr old
DD = April 14, 2013
Left me for OW (x friend in same town with 4 children)
July 2013 - WH wants to R
March 2014 - WH passed away

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

please protect your heart my dear. You may be too rational for him, he's very delusional.

And we all know there's a special place in hell for douchey WH's who cheat on their very pregnant wives.

Stay strong sister.

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1144 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:32 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate it when men like your husband behave so atrociously. All other men get tarred with the same brush.
He will live to regret this.

[This message edited by allatsea at 2:32 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it

Posts: 739 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
♀ Member
Member # 39431
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I have wanted to post an update for quite a few months now. I haven't been on SI for quite a while, after the turn of events, but is probably time I try and help others in any way I can.

After finding out about OW when our 4th child was only just born and going through the nightmare of post DD, and he and the OW broke up, (two months after he moved out of our home to "move on"), he wanted to come back and said he "made the biggest mistake of his life". We tried to R, well, we were R the way he wanted to, forget it happened and not talk about it. He wanted to move on again, go back to life. He was acting like I should just be happy he wanted to come back, as a narcissist would. We had some nice days in between where I'd try to push down what happened because I wanted it to go away so bad. Beach in August, still trying through the fall, even to the point of missing each other and lots of HB, leaving work early to sneak to be with him. Spent Christmas 2013 together.

In January, things were just not right. I was not happy, he would still come in smelling like pot. Leave for a couple hours in the middle of the day. Stay at his place but since he found out he was going to be evicted on Feb 15, he started moving his stuff into our home again little by little. I wasn't being romanced, he wasn't helping me heal, he just wanted his life back, and a roof over his head. I think he loved me in his own way.

Beginning of February 2014, we had a huge text fight after I asked some questions and a revelation about the A came out. (He admitted to having a kiss with her before I even had the baby and the whole time, it was "we were just friends", and yeah, I have the book). Anyway, horrible things were said and I blocked him for good. I couldn't bare hear any more. It was like he knew it wouldn't work so he was trying to hurt me with details of the A and be a monster to push me away for good.

March 16, 2014 I am out with the kids for dinner, get home around 9 and get a call from his father that he is not feeling well and in the hospital. I get my mom over to watch the kids and rush there. He is unconscience and tubes hooked up everywhere, bloated. He arrested but was on machines. In that instant, I was ready to forgive him and love him forever, if he could just be ok, I was going to hug him so hard and say, "everything will be ok."

He was transferred to another hospital because he needed a heart machine. We were hopeful. I couldn't wait to get to talk to him and a chance to work everything out. His dad and I were up all night waiting for something. Tests were being done, things kept getting worse. His dad got a phone call and says to me in the hallway, "his girlfriend is on her way up".

WHAT!? I don't know at what moment in my life so many mixed emotions were occurring at once! I had to face the girlfriend, who turned out to be a bottom feeding idiot. His parents kicked her ass out of the hospital because she was being rude and mean to us all. We wouldn't let her see him. She was the last thing we needed while we all were grieving. She only knew him for 4 weeks. He never woke up. He died within 3 days of arriving at the hospital and only because of the machines. He was 40 and in perfect health. Autopsy revealed cocksackie virus.

Further, this girl he shacked up with in his last four weeks of life, turned out to be my nightmare for the next months up until last month or so to the point of driving his car around getting tickets that would be sent to my home. She tried telling everyone she was pregnant, then four months pregnant, then it was ectopic, so that was all a lie. Shocker. She MOVED herself and two kids into MY town from an hour away and put my ex WHs sweatshirt with our last name on it on her child and sent him on a field trip with it on. I happened to be on the trip and see it! That's how I found out she moved in! Psycho! Sent me emails using his email address! A picture of herself. Told me he hated me deeply and he didn't think our last 3 children were his. Lots of private things I'm sure he did tell her to get her feeling sorry for him. Unreal.

A few weeks after he died, I realized that he died exactly one year to the day he told me he was leaving me. How surreal. It still is.

I'm so much better, but still so traumatized and confused. Unsure about my emotions, how to have relationships, trust. I thought I'd be posting a karma story on SI for a long time, but this isn't karma. Karma would have been if he were alive to see how happy I am going to be. After all the horrible things he's done, I never wanted this. I miss him every day. I don't forget the things he did and I'm still angry even. But I would have rather he still be living and be part of his children's lives in some way. I was with him since I was 20, for 15 years, and a part of me is gone with him.

I've been dating someone really special for a couple months and it's been really difficult. I'm not sure I'm healthy enough yet but I care for this person and he is good. Good guy. Caring. Different for me. I'm happy with him. But I'm still healing.

[This message edited by Jewlz at 3:53 PM, October 14th (Tuesday)]

Me = BW, 36
Him = WH, 40 (deceased)
Married 13 years
4 children, 14, 10, 9, 1 yr old
DD = April 14, 2013
Left me for OW (x friend in same town with 4 children)
July 2013 - WH wants to R
March 2014 - WH passed away

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Jewlz. Im so sorry.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7913 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
♀ Member
Member # 43909
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read through the thread and my jaw dropped reading your final update. What a shock. What a nightmare of a year it's been for you. I am SO SO sorry, Hun.

Posts: 117 | Registered: Jun 2014
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dearest Jewlz,

Words cannot begin to express my heartfelt sympathies for you and your family.

You have been through so much. So much.

Grieve. Grieve the loss of your H and your marriage.

You are an amazing, kind, loving woman. Give your time and space to heal.

We are here for you.

Many hugs and prayers.

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1289 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ Member
Member # 44910
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I am very sorry for your loss!!

I just had a discussion yesterday with WH about what if one of us were to die tomorrow.

You've been through to much, I hope your future brings you so much better! You are a strong woman!

Me BW- 27
DD#1- Aug 1st 2014- EA
DD#2- Sep 15 2014 - PAs confessed
3 OW in total. Has been unfaithful from day 1
Learning to give up control, and to focus on me!

Posts: 438 | Registered: Sep 2014 | From: Canada
Secrets Kept
♀ Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, October 14th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, Jewlz, I am so very sorry. I followed your story last year & was actually hoping for a good update when I saw your post.

My XWH was killed on his 36 birthday back in 2003 & while I was further in the process than you, I was still absolutely devastated he died. We had been divorced for several years & I was actually getting remarried that fall. But I was crushed & sobbed over his casket before his funeral.

So I totally understand your sorrow & my heart goes out to you!!! Thank you for the update although it wasnt the one I had hoped for you.

Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 223 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
♀ Member
Member # 45194
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, October 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry to hear of your loss!


Me: BS, 40s
WH: WS, 50s
Married 18 years, Together 22
Two school aged daughters
D-day 9/28
Confronted H 10/24, H admitted to EA but not PA
11/14 Admitted to PA
I'm in limbo for sure...

Posts: 69 | Registered: Oct 2014
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, October 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Jewlz, you have been through quite a lot.
It must be overwhelming to consider all you have been through.

I hope that now the initial shock has passed and you are healing from the pain of all of this you realize your worth.
You are brave, smart, and fearless. You can and will be stronger and smarter for having gone through this.

I wish you happiness and strength.

[This message edited by tushnurse at 7:36 AM, October 15th (Wednesday)]

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8789 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ Member
Member # 42544
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, October 15th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow I just finished reading your entire story and I'm so surprised with the update. You are in my thoughts and I'm happy to see that you have moved on. My condolences for your kids who lost a father. Such a shock of an update and what a tool to have lost someone like you. May you continue I on your path of healing and happiness. And don't worry, he knows you will be happy. Again sorry and thanks for the update.

Together - 14 years
Married - 7 years
DDay- Jan 15, 2014. WH had EA/PA

Hopeful reconciliation.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2014
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