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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: ban meetings?
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

has anyone ever attended a BAN meeting? i am thinking about joining a local meeting in my area. i feel like i would like to talk with some other people going through the same thing....in person in addition to all the support i receive on si.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1010 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you tell me what ban is?



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1765 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beyond Affairs Network


Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 6588 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BAN is Beyond Affairs Network.

The local BAN group here meets monthly. I usually try to attend as I find it very helpful.


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1499 | Registered: Nov 2010
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is a link from the Healing Library

http://www.dearpeggy.com/lbc.html


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198436 | Registered: May 2002
sunshine226
♀ Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i really wish there was a ban group in my area, I have gain a lot of insight listening to the teleseminars on their website and also read the book Anne Bercht wrote


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Yakamishi
♂ Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried it, the only problem I had was it seemed to be made of people NOT in R. Just bitter people who got screwed over and left the marriage. Didn't give me alot of hope so I stopped going.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
mepe27
♀ Member
Member # 18158
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really depends on who is running it. I ran a group where I live and it was all people in R and people that were divorcing always struggled in our group. I think it can be a valuable resource in recovery, I think it should be in addition to IC, not in place of b/c the people who run it are just other BS's, not therapists.
But being able to share my pain, share my story and everyone got it! THat was so needed. Friends/family all said "leave him, he's a jerk" I know they meant well but we all know it's so much more complicated than that and the other BS's at BAN got that.

I drove 2 hours to my first BAN meeting and it was worth it. Talk to the group leader prior to going and explain where you're at in your marriage and see if the group dynamic is a good fit, the leader can't change the group if it's leaning more one way or the other. So you just have to see if it works for you.


I would often talk with people separating individually and try to get them talking to each other, I also had some divorce support groups I would refer people to. But the same goes for those groups, if the leader is in a bad place it can lead the whole group down that path.
If you don't feel like the BAN group near you is a good fit for you perhaps down the road you could run a group, helping others helped me absolutly 100%. It was scary at first and I sort of fell into it by accident but it was worth it and I ended up handing it off to another BS that I think also really benefited from helping others.



Me BW-39
H WH-41
Married for 10 years
Two boys 6yrs, 3yrs
D-Day 12/1/07
Got whole painful truth 2/2/08
5/15/2008 EA with co-worker, I left
6/1/08 - We are committing to R
"One falsehood destroys a thousand truths"

Posts: 2303 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Georgia
still-living
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I started attending two months ago. I am nearly 3 years from the last TT, and recovery is going well, and still I find it helpful. I was having trouble finding the new me, feeling a bit numb, and so I began attending. It's been helpful talking being able to talk face to face with real people. Our group is small and stories are mixed, not just divorced. It's not "the" solution, just part of the solution for me.


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14
Recovery is constructing a pyramid of inference from which to see clearer.
The process involves using the reflexive loop.

Posts: 784 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you guys...i just sent an email to the local group leader asking for meeting time information. i hope i am contacted soon. i feel like i have talk this whole thing to death to family member and friends...and i know they care...but i can see in there eyes that they just want me to "let it go" if i am going to stay with him.

that is something that i desparately wish i could do. dont they know that i want that more than anything? so, i am hoping the in person support group will help me. i am also going to ic...so i will continue that. but a group setting is something that i really need.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1010 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Topic Posts: 10

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