I ignored certain clues, certain that he wouldn't return to his old behavior. Wrong. He died before I could confront him and guess what -- finances are a mess, strange texts are showing up on his phone, and even his shrink admits he was "secretive". Point is, your H hasn't changed and you shouldn't have to live like that. Don't end up like me..mourning on the outside--seething with rage and regret on the inside. You deserve better.
The reason I ask is, I have one and if I receive an email on my phone and delete it, it will not appear in my gmail account if I log on, on a computer. So if the OW is responding and he is deleting the response you will not see it in the account. This might be the same for other email service providers?
I am sorry you are hurting.
You don't have to go through with the divorce but there needs to be consequences for his actions so he can see that he can't play you for a fiddle.
"They cling to their bad choices out of shame, because it is far easier to continue to destroy yourself than to do the heavy work required to fix yourself." - a wiser SIer
Look for that second phone, install the VAR. Get your financial house in order, check and photocopy bank statements, credit card statements, income tax returns, income tax returns, pay stubs etc. Put all of these in a safe place. If there is a second phone, the statements may confirm it. Set some money aside, seek some legal advice and retain counsel.
Doing the above will help you emotionally more than you know. To know that YOU will be all right IF it comes to a break-up will give you emotional power, financial assurance, and a whole lot more. Get yourself prepared for the worst, and then you will feel much better. Trust me.
I will also add that if this is enough to make you walk, then it was enough to confront him with. If this was not enough to make you walk, decide now what is. Then if/when it happens, it will help you at that time because you won't have to make a decision; it's already been made.
Only when you have whatever it is you need to walk do you confront.
When you do confront, use I Think I Can's method. It leaves no room for arguing, excuses, nothing. Just the message, "Done!"
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
I think it has finally sunk in to WH's brain that our marriage is very near being over. He started talking last night, finally openly talking. It's going to take so much more than that if we hope to save this sinking ship of a marriage, but it's the most he's done.
Ironically the Not Just Friends book I ordered a couple weeks back also arrived, time for him to make some efforts.