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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Holy turn of events batman!
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy Crap!!! Guess what! exso contacted me this weekend 3 times. I did pick up the third . We spoke for a long time. Mostly about her as she wanted to tell me what has been going on with her. She said after our breakup reading some of the emails I sent her prompted her to see a doctor. She said she has been trying to figuire out how she could go from being in an exclusive relationship to not feeling connected at all. She believes it has to do with a combination of the anti deppresant she was taking causing her to not truly be intouch with her feelings and menopause. She told me she continues to see the doctor and has been greatly reducing the medication and changeing her diet. She says she both didnt know what true love was or how it felt so she couldnt feel it but now with these changes does feel more emotions. She said for the first time she understands it's not about feeling butterflies in her stomach(sex) but about being best friends. That the sex is an important part but not the only part. She is sorry and wants to roll her sleeves up and go to work on us if I am willing. WOW!!! I told her I'm happy for her that the changes she has made seem to be positive but explained that I have spent the last 3 months learning how to let go, her timing sucks and I need all kinds of time to respond to her. Holy turn of events batman!!!


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a difficult time believing that a change in medication prompted a sudden epiphany about what love really is.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13810 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Lieshurt.
Good for you on turning down another ride on the roller coaster.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6540 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lies the way she explained it was that the medication just had her sort of flatlined and that she was sort of going through the motions of life not feeling much of anything any way it was for sure. I'm sure we will speak again as she is now looking for a little help to heal from her ending the relationship. It's too bad I had to do that alone...well with the help of you all here...so I can see atleast being friends.

ETA uh oh! that didnt sound good! Fruedian slip?!? meant simply we could be friends

[This message edited by turned123 at 9:11 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She said for the first time she understands it's not about feeling butterflies in her stomach(sex) but about being best friends

Tell her she needs to learn to be her own best friend first. She's been working on herself for 3 month? It sound like she is lonely and reaching for straws.

I told her I'm happy for her that the changes she has made seem to be positive but explained that I have spent the last 3 months learning how to let go, her timing sucks and I need all kinds of time to respond to her.

Stay strong. Keep working on yourself.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks jennie! I agree. I loved her so I am glad to see some positive changes for her.


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still don't buy it. I would assume that she's been in love before, so she would have some idea of what it felt like. To say she had no idea and that NOW she does still doesn't fly.

I'm sure we will speak again as she is now looking for a little help to heal from her ending the relationship.

This isn't your job. This is just a way of pulling you back in.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13810 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had not thought of the fact that yes she was married before and yes that must have been some sort of love. Clearly she is looking to draw me in again!! I guess it/she doesn't scare me anymore. I cannot answer today what level of correspondence if any there will be going forward but my eyes are WIDE open. There is a level of compassion on my end not much more. It also answered some questions as from a simple logic stand point it does explain how poorly she handled the break up. It reinforces that it WASN'T about me it was about her being emotionally unavailable to move on to the next step and her saying no to love not necesarrily no to me...make sense?


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it takes more than medication to explain infidelity. Just like you can't fix it with a pill, a pill didn't cause it. To me, this sounds like a surface excuse to avoid getting into the really tough work of owning your shit.

It's not your job to fix her - I would say to keep your distance and keep working on YOUR healing.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5297 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kernel back story is that this was my new beginning relationship. Lasted a year. According to her originally it just fizzled out. I do not believe there was any infedelity, but I agree with you! Distance!

Eta
Gender typo!

[This message edited by turned123 at 5:28 PM, June 4th (Tuesday)]


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oops, sorry! Should have realized, NB forum.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5297 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 11

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