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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is it possible to fall back in love?
Amberdawn
♀ New Member
Member # 39157
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want a divorce, my WH doesn't want a divorce. However, I am not in love with him anymore. I do love him. He had a PA 11 years ago and an inappropriate texting relationship with another woman 6 months ago. He is doing everything he can to repair the marriage. He even quit a part time job he had because I was afraid he might see the recent OW there. He has killed any feelings I had because of his betrayal. Is it possible at this point to fall in love with him again?

Posts: 43 | Registered: May 2013
anv5
♀ Member
Member # 39217
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jmo
I believe that if you love him and he is trying then (it will take time) but yes I beleive we can fall in love again. It's pretty recent for me too but if I didn't think I could fall in love with him I'm not sure that R would work because that's what I need in my M is for us to love & be in love with each other. It will probably be a different "in love" but I have to believe it will be there again someday
((Amberdawn))


BS(me)30
WH 29
1 Child
Married 11 yrs
D-Day: 4/9/13 he cheated in '08 & now + trickle truth & tons of lies 6/27 Found more, swears I really do have the whole truth now.
2/2/14 found out more...it seems the TT never ends.
Trying to R

Posts: 71 | Registered: May 2013
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's definitely possible to fall in love again! It is very relevant to how much is being done to help you heal from the wounds he's inflicted though. If he does nothing and makes fun of you for crying because he cheated on you, then the likelihood of falling back in love is incredibly small IMO. However, if he's going to counseling, reading books, listening to your pain, comforting you when you hurt, apologizing honestly often, being open and honest and hiding nothing else, then it's very possible to fall in love again.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
sailorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. I am falling in love with my H again. It's not the same as the first time. But it's happening--slowly but surely and deeply.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Dare2Trust
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope so.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6112 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
avicarswife
♀ Member
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope so too.

I can't imagine staying with him long term unless I do fall in love with him again.


BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 711 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think yes but it takes time and effort to EARN your love back.

You will never have the "love is blind - rainbows and butterfly" love because you are unable to ever trust him in that capacity. You simply can't. He stripped that possibility away.

But you can define a new love that is meaningful and fulfilling if you both work towards it.

Good luck.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1099 | Registered: Apr 2013
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

quite the post...as these very same thoughts have been weighing heavily on my mind lately.

I too, feel as tho i fell out of love with my WH....but i think that started during the affair due to his behavior and the person that he was leading up to the affair....finding out about the affair and the betrayal just cinched it for me.

I think this...

He is doing everything he can to repair the marriage

and this....

if he's going to counseling, reading books, listening to your pain, comforting you when you hurt, apologizing honestly often, being open and honest and hiding nothing else

are profoundly important to rebuilding the love. Is there open, honest communication? Is WH being transparent and truthful? Is he seeing your needs, understanding your pain and the total ramifications of his actions? Does he "get it?" I dont want the marriage i had before. I dont want the husband i had before. I didnt love the person he was back then.

I think a milestone for me and my healing process was actually admitting that to myself AND telling my husband. It was very painful to look him in the eyes and tell him that i wasn't in love with him anymore. It has been 5 months...and i havent been able to say the words...i havent been able to tell him "i Love You."

However, in these 5 months, i have seen the work my WH has been doing. I see him working so hard to be a better person for himself...a better husband for me and a better father for our children. OTHER PEOPLE have noticed changes in him and commented to me.

So you ask, is it possible to fall back in love again?? I have to believe that you can. In time. Its all in time.

I think the statement below is right on the money. Dont look for the old love you had and try to get that back........build a new love, build on a new foundation together.

But you can define a new love that is meaningful and fulfilling if you both work towards it

hugs to you.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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