Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: 49ergirl (44698)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm happy and sad at the same time.
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Concerned  Posted: 4:49 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm happy we are in R, love each other again, but I still can't let go of all those OW he had the "romantic" love with. Both our MC's agree his first love was beer. But, but, but. Yes, I keep saying "but."

Am I in denial still? MC's keep asking why the past matters...He's done remarkably well so far with owning his stuff, IC, fathering, husbanding, etc.

Does anyone else have a "but?" but still trying to move forward.

Guess I hit a bump in the road. I've been good for a while now...

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:50 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uhm, I'm sorry but in no way should you already be over this. It takes 2-5 years of hard work from both partners, to get over it. There will be many more ups and downs inbetween. Why would an MC say this? Are they unfamiliar with infidelity and addiction?


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, my MC said the same thing about 2 months after d-day. We had a session where I was supposed to ask all the questions I needed to and then that was it, I needed to move forward.

AYFKM? I didn't even know half the questions I wanted/needed to ask 2 months after d-day. Some MC's just don't get it.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand Sister. Years. I'm impatient, it's me that wants to get over this...it hurts too much.

Yes, they are both chemical abuse MFT's, one a pscychologist.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:59 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some MC's just don't get it.

and your MC asking you why the past matters? Because his actions in the past crushed your life into a million pieces, because you need to feel emotionally safe with your spouse and if past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior - Um yeah, that's why it matters.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4765 | Registered: Dec 2010
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're early. This is a long road, and you have a lot to get over, make that a very long, long road. We've been in R for 37 years, and it's good, but it ain't ever over.

IMHO your MC is Full of Shit and should be either shot or fired. After a few months? Fuggedaboudit !!!

I told one that I would gladly pay for as many sessions as she thought it "should" take as long as I got as many sessions as it "Did" take. That shut her up.

I have to stop before I start ranting, but in my personal experience, only about one in ten counselors are worth the money, and only one in ten of those are actually excellent. Given these odds, you should feel zero compunction to keep one that isn't working for you, and all the freedom in the world to drop them like a hot potato and look for better. You didn't marry them.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

8 months into it and I am still making sense of his A, as in accepting that it happened, as in not desperately wishing someone had a magic wand that would make it all go away. Until 6 months, I was still in shock.

It really is a roller coaster.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 697 | Registered: Oct 2012
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much, everyone for sharing.

I missed my session this week. I think I realized they can no longer help ME. They're really there to help my dry drunk of a H...

Don't worry, I'll get a good one this time! :)


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.