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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just found out H is cheating for 3 months.
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position.

Does your WS realize that this OW very likely has a string of OM, also sending her money, buying her gifts and going to visit her.

If he thinks she's waiting just for him, he's crazy.

All carefully managed so that none overlap.

Blackhair, do everything you can to protect yourself, hugs, lots of hugs.



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Apr 2009
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did the separation agreement outline custody and visitation? Did it deal with holidays?
I might be totally off-base here but way too often separation/divorce is dealt with as an alternative lifestyle to marriage. It’s like an agreement to partially remove each other from your lives – but only as little as possible. Divorce should be the exact opposite – it’s removing each other from your lives AS MUCH as possible. If you have kids you need to be amicable co-parents but that’s it.

So I wonder how you interact now. Do you still live together? Does he drop in unannounced to visit? Do you have to discuss who’s taking the kids to park next Saturday or is it clear?

IMHO you would do well to remove him as much as you can from your daily routine. I know it’s hard but right now he’s getting the best of two worlds. Make his fantasy reality and it’s the best way to get the scam over with as little damage to you and your kids. If he is paying half his assets, CS and Spousal Support. [Canada has a rather predetermined calculation for CS. Based on the median wages for 2011 (CAD 78000) and 3 kids you should be getting around CAD 1500 per month).

About the going to Philippines… NO WAY. Be VERY CLEAR on this and have your attorney send him a formal letter warning him that you do not agree on her travelling out of the country. Ask the attorney if you should notify the authorities or what action you should take.

I really hate drama and I tend to be a no-nonsense sort of guy. I would guess that even if your DD went the chances are extremely high she and XH would come home safe and sound. But you never gamble with your kids…


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5484 | Registered: Sep 2005
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the wonderful support!
In SA we have the date/ time where the kids should be picked up/ dropped off every other weekends. But right now twin boys are too young to leave me at nights.

We are still living in the same house as it is a big house with a separate suite on each level, I am moving out here on Tuesday as the house we been renting before will become vacant.

I also will talk to our lawyer to see if it is okay to move before I get the money, as WS need to refinance the house and pay me.

CS and babysitter salary was all stated in our separation agreement. Another worry is my family are all over seas so I try to be amicable as possible, so when I need to visit my family he won't make it difficult either.

This is so HARD and painful, I need time to grief and he already planned his Christmas with OW before he even met his lawyer. If I told him not to take our daughter my first Christmas will be extremely difficult with three children, I have no family here at All.

I am strong and independent person but right now it is extremely hard, i am scared of thinking about next holidays. I have been reading a lot.
I know it will getting worse when I first moved out, but it will getting better in the end!


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently as I can because I tend to come across as gently as a sledge-hammer in a crystal shop…

When and if your then ex-husband and his new Pilipino bride set up home in Canada and start a new happy family then I would strongly encourage you to let your kids interact with them freely. As hard as it may sound then AFTER divorce it’s better that your children have a good relationship with both parents “new” families.

But right now… I smell a scam. I smell an angler that has sunk her hook into the jaws of a big fish and is now reeling him in. When and how she intends to land your husband is still way open. Does she intend to scam him off all his money right now, does she see him as her ticket to a visa in Canada, does she truly love him and this will be a modern-day Cinderella story and they be happy ever after? This woman might be the kindest, best woman in the world. But she could also be focusing on remembering all of her 15 “future husbands” and seeing whom she can reel in first. I simply wouldn’t risk sending my child overseas while the picture is still so unclear. I wouldn’t want to enable her to hold your DD hostage for the rest of WH funds…

And frankly… (this is me being gentle…) I don’t give a damn how hard the holidays will be for you if you need to be with all the kids. I have a feeling your in-laws will help you. I have a feeling you will get support. Have a feeling your mom would fly over. I also have a feeling that although physically this might be hard then mentally having your DD abroad will cause you even more hardship. (This is me being nice…).

You WILL manage. Why? Well… because you really don’t have another real option.

And about WH withholding your kids if you want to go back to family to visit… Don’t worry. Things WILL calm down and he will have to show realistic reason for his refusal. Revenge isn’t accepted as “reasonable”.

WS need to refinance is immaterial.
Once you separate his finances are not your issue. He will have commitments defined by the agreement and he needs to meet them. If he doesn’t then you need to have your attorney handle collecting the debt. If he’s broke he can take a freighter to the Philippines…
The “plus” for Canada is that there are Federal agencies that enforce CS payments. So if your WH doesn’t pay then there is a Federal hammer banging away at him and he can face actions such as wage garnishment, passport being withheld and so on. Once separated his ability to keep the house, his ability to meet payments… not your issue.
Blackhair – You are a lot stronger than you think. I KNOW you will make it fine out of this crappy situation.


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5484 | Registered: Sep 2005
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with posters....do not send her over there. If it is a scam...could you live with yourself if your daughter was killed, just because the holidays are going to be hard.

Reality will set in when this women comes to Canada and he expects her to be a wife if she isn't a con-artist. He will eventually hate the role of husband again. The novelty will wear off.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 909 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, that posting is powerful, It does give me a lot courage, not acting as an victim all the time.
I did talked to X, told him about my concerns, he finally agreed not to take my daughter to Phlipines.

As a matter of fact, he probably prefer not to bring her so he can have more intimate time with OW.

If you ever watched the movie called " My Tai Bridge", that is what is going to happen to X soon.
It will be another interesting show.... Just wait to see.....


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 46
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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