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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What would you do?
Douchebagfree
♀ Member
Member # 39267
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a substantial penalty that we have to pay because we are paying the mortgage out early. Should I ....

A: Split this penalty with douchebag 50/50. This infuriates me because of what's happened. I don't feel that I should be fair in splitting this with him. He's the one that wanted a divorce so he could find his own "happiness". One month later his 22 year old Twinkie is pregnant! The sensible side of me says "get him the fuck out of your life".

B: Have the lawyer hold on to the proceeds until we can come to an understanding. This could take a while since he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong.


Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to make sure you still can.

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you afford the loss? I would do anything to be free of him before the baby comes if possible.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 6:39 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 635 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Douchebagfree
♀ Member
Member # 39267
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can afford the loss. They'll just be less money left over but all of the debt will be paid off.


Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to make sure you still can.

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think of what additional attorney fees would be if you fought the fee.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it was me I would go with B. It is the principle of the matter. Why should I have to pay for his road to happiness?


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1170 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:17 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A.
Think of it as a garbage removal fee and move on.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13553 | Registered: Jul 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:37 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A - unless its money that would make a significant difference.

If not then just get it done and dusted.

You won't get justice via courts. Just legal bills, drama, contact and prolonging this hideous ride.

Pregnant 22 year old OW? That there is justice enough for me - he gets to watch his UnicornFartLand go up in smoke, she gets to see exactly what a great father and SO(B) he is.

I don't want my girls to have to go through it nor an innocent new baby but aside from that I'd LOVE for the sad clown to be a shit husband and father with any of the OW. Doesn't matter which one.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5392 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it is not a lot of money and it would cost in legal fees, I would just let it go. The lawyers love to fight this shit out and suck you dry. BTDT. It's not worth the hurt or being in contact with STBX and his pregnant little girl. When OW texted my husband and told him she needed to tell him something, I was hoping he got her pregnant with triplets and would have to start over again. Instead she told him she had cancer (not).


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why should you pay for his path to happiness? Because unless your province has some kind of provision for fault, a judge would probably tell you to. You could try to negotiate it, but his L will probably want a concession somewhere else. His L knows just as well as yours what the judge will most likely say, so it will be argued accordingly.

For anything like this, please be very clear what a judge would rule before paying for a huge fight about it. Remember, divorce is about business, judges in no fault are not going to "punish" anyone. So often people pay Ls way more than they stand to gain by engaging in the fight in the first place.

[This message edited by roughroadahead at 8:09 AM, June 6th (Thursday)]


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 725 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could you feel him out? Maybe now that OW is knocked up he will want to rush through the D process...if you suggest the fees will hold it up, he could be more eager to be the one to pay.

Otherwise, I agree that sometimes it's worth the money to get rid of trash sooner rather than later. If it looks like he's willing to truly fight it, don't bother.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣


Posts: 10982 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
Douchebagfree
♀ Member
Member # 39267
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some of you are probably going to be a little disappointed but I've decided to split it with him.
As soon as my mind was made up I felt relieved, another weight lifted. He had already said that he wasn't going to pay all of it and dragging it out would just cause more misery. At this point, I want to cut all ties with him and given his PA personality this could cause me more mind games down the road.
It was terribly difficult to swallow my pride and play fair with him but I truly believe now that it will be for the best.

I take some joy in knowing that he'll blow through the money by the end of the year. He's always been terrible with money and the fact that he bought 2 brand new vehicles in the past 5 months proves that. I just hope that he took a big enough hit when he traded the first one in
Or the fact that he doesn't even have $200 for a permit that we need to get even though he's been living at his parents house for the past few months rent free!

I sure married a winner!


Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to make sure you still can.

Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Canada
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think anyone will be disappointed Dbf, you have to do what's right for you, and it sounds like you did it for the right reasons - YOU.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4365 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
neverbeokay
Member
Member # 8275
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you, be done with it and move on.

Posts: 282 | Registered: Sep 2005
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As soon as my mind was made up I felt relieved, another weight lifted.

That there is priceless my friend. Good decision.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5392 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 14

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