I left him on Dec 28th. During these months, he has tried to be nice to me, has continuously tried to manipulate me and tried to put our children against me. Through the Discovery Process, I have found so much out. Its amazing how you can be married to someone you think you know. He had more than 6 other bank accounts I had no idea about, cashed out our Life Insurance Policy without my knowledge, has only given me 3 child support checks claiming he has "no money", hidden bonuses from me and been with more men and women than I care to know. We are scheduled for a pendentelite hearing next week and he wants shared custody of our children.
My question to you guys is: Do you think I should bring up the fact that he gave me an STD, slept around with prostitutes and transexuals in this type of hearing? It is only for custody and child support. Where do his sexual encounters come in, you know? Just thought I'd get your thoughts...
Are you in a Community Property state?
We have no children...my atty said its all $ now but she managed to put in the *Infidelity* word in a response.
STBX admitted he is "bi".....my atty said the Judge would not care if he was pink, purple or blue at this point.
Someone else with more experience will be along soon to help you.
He kept the house... I'm pretty sure he's about to lose it anyway. I got this beautiful little 2 bedroom condo that I have made our home and wouldn't trade it for anything in this world!!
Best of luck to you! And thank you for replying!
That he has sexual encounters with men and TG individuals is not the main concern. That he has shrouded his life in a cloak of secrecy & financial deception speaks volumes. If he's in the habit of soliciting sex from strangers, that's a big concern which demonstrates his poor judgement. Would any of these partners have access to the children? Would one of these partners feel jilted at some point & come after your WH when your children are unfortunately with him?
I urge you to consider a full-on parenting evaluation. You will be able to bring into the open his financial deception, his unwillingness to support the children, his sexual hijinks, and tie it all up with a bow to highlight any unfitness as a parent. I also think this information needs to be brought up at your pendente lite hearing. It all matters. And what gets ruled on at a PL meeting sometimes turns into final custody orders down the road.
What does your lawyer say?
We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.
I literally printed every single disgusting thing I ever saw on his online profiles, online sex reviews of prostitutes, etc. Its a 2 inch binder full of pictures, emails and evidence that he was also on drugs, taking too many prescription drugs without needing them and very inconsistent with the children 's care. One minute he was super dad, the next minute he was ignoring them because he was "depressed". I honestly believe he only wants shared bc the child support he has to pay me is too much for him. His lawyer is a complete bitch and has threatened my lawyer and I saying he has evidence on me, etc. I have no idea what the hell he could have on me and even though I know I haven't done anything wrong that could make anyone even THINK about taking my girls away from me, it still scares me. This is a man who emotionally abused me for year s and manipulated me like no other. By the time I realized I was being abused I was starting to question my own judgement and believe I was crazy like he told me every day.
I'd try to come up with some succinct bullet points of the most damaging things/summary of what you have and then index the documentation so you/the judge can easily find what is helpful.
Definitely listen to your lawyer and don't try to be the nice person here, giving in too much. Don't worry about his lawyer. That's what she's paid to do, and you don't want her to intimidate you. He's got nothing on you. It's a page from the cheater's handbook.
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
Open intoxicant in car - pp. 1, 18, 325
E-mails with prostitutes - pp. 150-278
Dating site obscene pictures - pp. 45, 89-145
You can include it all; I'd just want to make sure that if you are looking for something it's easy to find. Also, maybe the judge doesn't care about prostitute e-mails, but would care about obscene pictures, for example. If the judge pages through and happens to stumble on prostitute e-mails, that doesn't help you. But if s/he can look at the table of contents and go directly to what they consider important, that should help.
You may want to run this past your lawyer before spending a lot of time on it. I just know when I'm given a lot of information all at once, I can get overwhelmed and miss some important things.
And ITA with phmh. See if you can get together some kind of summary of your evidence, a chart, some way of organizing it. Your L will be happy (to assign his clerk) to go through the whole thing, with the clock running the entire time. Give him your summary or chart or bullet points instead, referenced back to the binder. Some activities are likely more damaging than others, so your lawyer('s clerk) can focus his attention accordingly.
My moving in with my parents (with our kids since I was a sahm with a 1 yr old and 5 yr old) was a BIGGER betrayal than his affair.
That I should have just gotten over the affair
He had printed out some of my SI posts. One person said that sleeping pills and wine makes insomnia go away quickly. His lawyer accused me of taking pills and alcohol. On the stand I was able to say that what is said on SI is not necessarily what I do. I like to live so I don't mix pills with alcohol. And just because someone suggested something doesn't mean I do it. I took what was useful and left the rest.
Just a note SI is an annoymous website so if he doesn't know your username then they can't really prove any of your posts were written by you.
He can't hit you with liable which my Ex's lawyer tried..... It's not my fault the description of a f-ing a$$..... (You get the picture) could fit my ex.
The judge wasn't amused. The more his lawyer tries to attack you with ridiculous "evidence" the less likely the judge will have patience for your stbx.
It's okay to cry on the stand if you feel like it. You can ask for a small break. You might want to bring a bottle of water with you. My mouth got super dry. Our temporary custody hearing lasted ALL day. To say the least, my divorce was NOT amicable and I went in front of a judge 7 times...ex even refused to sign the decree because he disagreed with what he had already agreed upon in front of the judge.
If you need support or have more questions you can always PM me.
My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.
A- healthwise, I do not want them exposed to his towels, hygiene products or body fluids.
B- I don't want any of the other deviants he associates with to know what my kids look like, where they live, go to school...maybe I am just paranoid but I want no aspect of his sickness to touch them. Geez, I screen anyone I hire to help around the house thoroughly.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.