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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: OW - why does she do this shit?
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I've mostly come a long way. I've accepted life as it is and blah blah...but something about OW (now wife) just irks me!

It's the way she like 'is' around DD. My DD is a great girl, but she figured out OW's number pretty early on. OW realized DD figured her out and isn't all schmoopied out with OW like others usually are, I guess? So anyway, OW just does like petty jr high shit to her or says petty jr high 'around' DD, not TO DD, but within earshot.

For example - she made a big deal about DD's eye color once. How OW, XH, my DS and her DD all had the same colored eyes - EXCEPT my DD. Went on and on about how DD couldn't be in 'their' family....of course DD felt like shit!

Then the other night (I know *I* sound petty now, but if it hurts my kid, it hurts me - and this did) there was a preview on TV apparently about some new maid show and OW snorts, "All the maids are brunettes - what does THAT tell you?!" Well, she's not a brunette and neither is her kid, but MY DD is..and my DD asked me, "What did that mean? I don't get it?"

I gave some lame answer, but I really wanted to say something like your dad's wife is a wacko and thinks she's clever with her words.

I think OW is actually like envious of DD and/or is pissed DD hasn't fallen for her like everyone else seems to?

It's not just those two things, but those are two examples. It's a lot of really juvenile shit, but seemingly at DD's expense? WTF am I supposed to say? Keep pretending it's all just a misunderstanding?

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 11:38 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]



Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2008
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think OW is actually like envious of DD and/or is pissed DD hasn't fallen for her like everyone else seems to?

Was thinking this before you typed it.. OW probably said the same junior high crap about you to your ex. She's competing.. Blowing out other's candles or whatever..

What a bitch.. I would focus on your DD here, maybe talk to her about bullying, jealousy, back-handed hurtful remarks, etc. You can't cure the problem here, but you can give your DD the tools to deal with it.

And it bears repeating. What a bitch..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2400 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that's true - she's pissy DD sees through her.

When I hear this shit, I want to slap this bitch, like seriously?! You want to 'endear' yourself...then just grind the time with my kids away with a smile and be shitty to your GF's like the rest of us do! Dumbass!

I do teach my kids about life and how sometimes people can be crummy 'just because'...but it's harder when I'm supposed to be neutral about dear old dad's wife, you know?!

I think it's sad that wife acts this way. I don't know, I'm not in her position, but I can't imagine dogging a child/teen to make me feel better.



Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2008
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't imagine doing it either. Again, what a bitch. But if she's still doing it at her age (assuming she's not a fucking teenager anymore), then she's not changing..

I do teach my kids about life and how sometimes people can be crummy 'just because'...but it's harder when I'm supposed to be neutral about dear old dad's wife, you know?!

I might be doing this parenting thing wrong, but no one is "neutral" in my world, and everyone's behaviors are fair game to discuss. That includes me, ex, OW, in-laws, my siblings, parents, cousins, anyone. No one is safe around me. I don't diss the person, but I will certainly call out their behaviors and point out to my children what I'm okay with and what I'm not. So sorry STBX and OW, but you are NOT off limits.. Kids learn by example. Hell, my 9-year-old has been watching "Total Drama Live," and we've had in-depth discussions on the behaviors of characters on that show, a stupid cartoon show..

I wouldn't be too concerned about being "neutral" about this OW. Outright bashing her as a person to your DD? No, wouldn't do that.. Outright bashing her behavior towards your DD to your DD? Yeah, I would do that every day and twice on Sunday..

I guess if my worst character trait is "brutally honest," I will take that over ex and OW's worst character traits any day.. I'd laugh in their faces if they tried to tell me I wasn't supposed to be teaching my children right from wrong so they wouldn't "look bad."

It really is a totally unfair situation, though, so big hugs to your DD. I can't imagine being made to feel like a black sheep all the time. I know you should fight fire with water, but I'd be tempted to give her some fire of her own to take with her next time she goes.. She shouldn't have to put up with that crap..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2400 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:53 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTF am I supposed to say? Keep pretending it's all just a misunderstanding?

Hell no; rude is rude, no matter who the person is or what their relationship is. Teaching your DD that this behavior is deliberate and VERY wrong will go a long way in her life education.

I would not encourage her to return the behavior but perhaps teach her a version of the 180, i.e., 'sorry you feel that way'; 'that's interesting'; etc.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20330 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Dare2Trust
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 1:11 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wannabenormal,

I'm not sure what you mean that your "DD has figured out OW pretty early on..."

But, it seems to me that your DD really isn't understanding these OW's mean-spirited comments that are being directed towards your DD...since your DD asked you:
"What did that mean?I don't get it?"

Personally: I wouldn't pretend it was all a big ole misunderstanding. As nicely as I could - I'd tell my daughter this OW was being a mean-spirited bitch...and I'd explain exactly what this bitch was doing and what she meant!
I'd leave out "the bitch word" but I'd explain clearly what this OW was doing so my daughter would understand.

THEN, if this OW's behavior didn't STOP - I'd have a little BLUNT talk with the ex-husband and she if he could control his bitch-wife!

IF that ex-husband talk didn't STOP OW-wife: I'd talk to my attorney and be trying to rearrange visitations - SO MY DAUGHTER wasn't around this woman, period!

Kids don't deserve this type of treatment from any adult. It doesn't matter "WHY this OW does this shit." What matters is putting a STOP TO IT.

I'm really sorry your stupid EX doesn't have enough brains to STOP this behavior on his own.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6153 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell your dd, that OW(now wife) is immature and says these things to make herself feel superior at others expense. DD should just roll her eyes and should pity her. Bet that would fry OW!


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2988 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 2:44 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dare - DD realized that dad cheated pretty early on.

As for not understanding the comment (about the maids show); DD understood it was bitchy, but didn't know 'why'; like she didn't get the correlation of brown hair = maids? I don't either, other than it was OW being a stupid ass. I just said I don't know why she said that other than to try to be hurtful, which isn't ok.

Of course I can't talk to XH about it because he wouldn't believe it or he wasn't there (OW has been a jerk not around him) or DD is overreacting. He made it clear early on that he's not interested in negative talk from anyone, not me especially and not the kids. NICE!

I've told DD to speak up if something bothers her, but I suspect she won't because she sees that as disrespectful. Since OW's inquired about ME at times in particular, I've asked her and DS to just say they're not comfortable talking about their mom with her.

Oh and she's so immature - she recently stank up the family mobile with a fierce toot and BLAMED it on DD. DD was pissed; she's like I'll own my toots - that wasn't cool! Class act, that wife of his.



Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you should be neutral. This is not a situation calling for neutral. Being neutral is just going to teach your DD to be a doormat, will teach her to normalize verbal abuse. Make no mistake, she IS being verbally abused. I think you need to get your DD some IC, including yourself in a few sessions so you can learn how to help your DD cope with this behavior in a healthy manner.

If she's old enough maybe she can decide she doesn't want to do visitation any longer.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9866 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not just those two things, but those are two examples. It's a lot of really juvenile shit, but seemingly at DD's expense? WTF am I supposed to say? Keep pretending it's all just a misunderstanding?

Hell to the no - and what Sad said as well.

I am not sure how old your DD is, but this behavior is very rude and your DD needs to understand that it's not her fault.

"What did that mean? I don't get it?"

I would tell her that you can't assume what OW meant at all, however, you can give some options

1. Blondes aren't smart enough to even be maids.

2. Blondes must not be able to hold honest hard working jobs.

3. Blondes must need to be catered to all the time because they just are not intelligent to figure out how the vacuum works, or how to cook, or whatever

Ok, maybe not like that....but seriously...What Sad said...she's the smart one.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, OWife sounds pretty insecure, to be competing with her husband's pre-teen daughter.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13813 | Registered: Jul 2011
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This sounds a like a dog pissing all over its territory.

She wants to make damn sure that your DD knows that SHE (Owife c word that is not allowed) is the most important bitch (female dog)in your ex's life now.

I'm sorry for your DD, and I agree that telling her that Wifetress is hurtful on purpose will help her identify that kind of behavior in all areas of her life. (other girls can be so mean while still being "nice".)


What a stupid bitch this Stepmonster is.


Posts: 3423 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you should fight fire with water, but I'd be tempted to give her some fire of her own to take with her next time she goes.

I would not encourage her to return the behavior but perhaps teach her a version of the 180, i.e., 'sorry you feel that way'; 'that's interesting'; etc.

Yeah, Sad's suggestion is a lot better than mine..

Maybe I wasn't thinking you should give her fire as in encourage her to be rude back, but give her some fire as in some self-esteem. I agree that she IS being emotionally abused here, so I think it's important you make her feel good and build her up. Since she's already wondering why stepmonster said that, it sounds like she could be internalizing it and wondering what's wrong with her instead of realizing that stepmonster has major issues..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2400 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know what I find to be sad? Is that my own teen DD can't even have her OWN 'real' teen drama because this silly middle-aged fool has to add to it.

Like really?! Let DD be mad at mom or dad, let DD be pissed Jake or whoever doesn't like her - she doesn't need your petty insecurity on top of it, you old bitch! You HAD your time, it's over!!!



Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2008
Sue1964
♀ Member
Member # 37057
Funny  Posted: 4:33 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The w my h is seeing is off her head and hell bent on getting me locked up as for why who knows scared of competion and only way keeping me away from the guy.not that I moved to otherside of the world and she still can't control him.

Posts: 287 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Uk
Ashland13
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Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, sounds like a grown woman competing with a kid.

FWIW, the one brief electronic interaction I had with OW was like a cat with claws as she made a contest for life and competed with me for a man who will abandon his family...and worse.

She also tried to bully, the one message I had to read in order to locate the delete button, but it seems to be that way sometimes.

I'm really sad for the kids in all of this, who are just trying to go about their lives as we are and have enough trouble figuring new things out without having grown ups make trouble and extra crap happen for them.

I wish there was a way you didn't have to be anywhere near her, WannaBe. I know your WH has "rights" to be around DD, and yes, I think he needs a backbone and to get involved.

It sounds like a wee bit o' narcissism on OW's part, maybe, where her ego may be stroked by picking on a kid-like a bully at school picking on someone smaller.

I'm sorry for the trouble in your life and glad your DD has you to be there for her.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 16

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