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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: This is R - positive story.
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The background is this: I have traveled a little over the course of my career. Usually short trips Sunday/Monday to Friday. Often I have done day trips or single overnights. For the past year I have been on the road quite a bit. Logistically it works well because FWH works from home so getting DS to and from school and daycare is easy for him. This last week represented the first time since during the A that I was actually scheduled to be away over a weekend. I was triggering a bit because last time I had to be away this long he was glad to be rid of me.

I left last Tuesday the 28th, and was scheduled to come back a week later. At one point, we had discussed him and DS coming on one of my trips, but this was the only one that was extending over the weekend, and since it was our big go-live I knew I would be working 12 hour plus days the whole time. I figured there was no point.

Well, on Saturday morning FWH got DS up at 4:30 AM to get on a plane, and they surprised me by showing up at the office where I was working. I got a text saying there was a delivery for me, and there was my family. He said they missed me and knew I was working hard, so rather than being far away they thought they could come and be supportive. They made cookies and brought them for our whole team, and for the next day and a half, I was able to sneak away and see them, since they stayed hanging around the office. It was insanely long hours, but it went so well that I was able to take the Monday off and do some sightseeing with them. We all flew home together on Tuesday.

I was touched by it all. I felt badly that they were sitting in the office while I worked (the weather was crummy and we were not close to anything to do indoors) but he said they knew I would be busy, but just wanted to be there to cheer me up when I needed it. Best of all, when the people I worked with started making comments about how everyone should have a husband like him, it didn't kill me the way it used to. FWH would just look at me when someone said this and would reply something like "I wish that was always true."

I think what I liked the most is that he did this solely to make me feel good. He was a little embarassed about the attention he got for showing up, which is a far cry from the attention-seeking that he used to do. I'll admit that it crossed my mind that he was motivated by that, but seeing him try to avoid the comments showed me otherwise.

I just wanted to share something really positive that has happened. We are getting pretty close to that mythical "as long in R as the A lasted" and so far, year 3 of R has been a huge improvement over year 2....


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1732 | Registered: Nov 2010
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have me crying this morning! That is beautiful and shows the real progress that you and your H have made in R. Keep on working, but enjoy this.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1478 | Registered: Dec 2011
Austin
♀ New Member
Member # 39420
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How refreshing! I have been stuck on reading some of the other forums where there is so much hurt and anger, understandably but none the less exhausting.

It is comforting that there are some positive Rs out there.

Thank you for sharing.


Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2013
hellonearth
♀ Member
Member # 11919
Default  Posted: 3:24 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So happy for you, thank for the positive story!!


BS-Me-39 FWH-Him-38
Together 23 yrs. 1 son 9 yrs old
Dday#1-Aug 06
TT until Nov 06
False R until Jan 08-too much anger/defensiveness, lack of consistent support from him
S- Jan 08-July 08
Aug 08-Fall 2011-rugsweeping
back in MC and IC trying

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Canada
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 3:38 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am always so happy to read of WS's that really do eventually "get it" and that work so hard to undo the damage they caused to their BS, marriage, and family. It gives us other BS's something to hope for.
I wish you all the luck in the world on continued R.
(((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is great! Good for both of you!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
bizzygirl
♀ New Member
Member # 39045
Happy  Posted: 8:00 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats!!

Your positive story gives all of us in R hope..


BW (ME):43
WH:44
DDAY:08/13/2012-MCOW(6MONTH EA & 3MONTH PA)
MARRIED 16 YRS- TOGETHER 23 YRS
2 DS
R'ING

Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Indianapolis IN
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How wonderful! This is an amazing story.

Posts: 1076 | Registered: Jan 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im so happy for you..he *gets it* !!


What a sweet thing to do,to bring your DS and surprise you like that...just so he was there if/when you needed him.

Thanks for giving me hope.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7413 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Beemer
♀ Member
Member # 38499
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How wonderful!

Side note: I really needed to hear a positive story this morning... thank you :)


BW - Me (33)
FWH - Him (34)
Married - 8years
D-Day - 06/06/12
Status - Trying...things are good :)

Posts: 77 | Registered: Feb 2013
jojo42
♀ Member
Member # 37583
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing this- and the song in your signature is my anthem right now


Me: 30, BS
Him: 30, WH
Married: 1 year, together for 7 years
1st child due in Sept 2013
DDay: 09/02/12, 09/22/12 admitted to EA ,false R, then 06/02/13 found out about PA & EA with same woman (OW is a coworker)
Hoping for R

Posts: 72 | Registered: Nov 2012
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I happy for you. Great story!!


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yipee!!!! You my dear are going to make it.

It is so refreshing when you know they really really really get it. I felt like doing cartwheels when we had that moment.

Thank you for sharing!!!


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8506 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
anv5
♀ Member
Member # 39217
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is great! And I agree....I needed this today, it is good to have the encoragment. Thank you for sharing!


BS(me)30
WH 29
1 Child
Married 11 yrs
D-Day: 4/9/13 he cheated in '08 & now + trickle truth & tons of lies 6/27 Found more, swears I really do have the whole truth now.
2/2/14 found out more...it seems the TT never ends.
Trying to R

Posts: 71 | Registered: May 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is indeed a postive story. How wonderful of him!


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love it! How wonderful.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17318 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, everyone.:)

One more thing. He said to me, "thank you for letting us come." I laughed and said, "you surprised me. I didn't let you do anything."

He said, "well, we showed up, and you were grateful we came. You didn't say 'I am too busy. I wish you hadn't.' You seemed proud we were there. And you let is hang out and support you."

Good stuff all around.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1732 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 17

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