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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Got to give him credit
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know after reading all the stories and horrible situations that have occured to some people here on SI, I have to give my Ex some credit.

He pays his bills on time. He actually called last night to ask if he owed any more for sports. When I told the RESP money was due July 1st, he offered to send it early since he had it.

It makes me wish he put that kind of effort into our marriage. Things would have been different.

So I guess I have to remind myself on the days when I am not liking him so much, that he does have some redeaming qualities and things could be so much worse.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just because he honors his financial commitments does not make him a nice guy. It does make your life easier as many X's don't pay or try and use money as leverage and/or control. Yet because he does pay what he should does not negate his actions. Nor should he be put on a pedestal for doing what's right and legal. JMHO


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5434 | Registered: Nov 2007
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just because he honors his financial commitments does not make him a nice guy
I don't believe I ever called him a nice guy in that post. Although He isn't a monster, he fucked up royally and is now paying for it.

Nor should he be put on a pedestal for doing what's right and legal

WHOA! I never put him on any sort of pedestal, I think you are reading way too much into things.

I watch my friends who are single mom's struggle for every cent, and every visitation. I read stories here about ex WS' making their lives miserable when they separate or divorce.
What I am saying is that I am happy and willing to give him credit for being a man and fullfilling his requirements, and as I said before I wish he would have put the same dilligence and thought into our marriage.

It would be so easy for me to sit here and run him down for everything he has done, and give in to all my anger and bitterness. But I chose not to do that, I am choosing to focus on the positive. He is very far removed from perfect but at least he is trying for a change.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw no nice guy pedestals when i read it....only a girl breathing a sigh of relief that the idiot she has to deal with is at least not financhially fucking her over as well.

There are a lot of ways that a Ex can screw with you...money is a close first to emotionally screwing with you.

I am glad to hear that at least he can part with his money better then some of the other asshats that our SI'ers have to deal with.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
~Some days are better then others~

Posts: 1614 | Registered: Sep 2012
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get it; he's not making your life easier, he's just not making as sucky as it could be. Sometimes you just have to thank heaven for small favors.

In reality, he's probably doing it to make himself feel better--he can say to himself "I'm not such a jerk." Self-serving, and probably a KISA? Sounds like the X; he calls me like clockwork every month to tell me he's deposited the money he owes me in my account. He also helped me with my move. None of that negates his asshattery; I'll never forget him screaming that he'd move to Mexico before he'd pay me spousal support (after 30+ years of M and nursing him through 3 life-threatening incidents.) Bleh.

Breathe your sigh of relief, but never let your guard down.


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19180 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine pays on time too, is very good with the visitation schedule. No messing around with late pick ups or sending them home dirty and unfed etc.

Is he on a nice guy pedestal? Hahaha... no. I am simply grateful that it means one less thing to fight over.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 707 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is XWH's only real redeeming factor. He is extremely involved with both kids (now young adults).
He spends freely on the kids and I never have to ask twice for his half of extra kid-related expenses.

He's still an asshat though.


Me - 41
My Rockstar (Hubs #2) - 46, faithful, & an absolute doll!
DD(20) and DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs and 2 Cats)

The Cheater:
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW. Undiagnosed SA?)
Married 18yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 5531 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: United States
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is.a very self absorbed person but in his own self absorbed way he loves his son and will always take care of him financially. He is better on the visitation side of things, but I will never have to worry about him fighting for custody. Too much responsibility for him.

His parents have been very supportive, but they don't know he cheated. His mom was battling cancer when it happened and now his dad is quite ill. I see no reason to add this to their burden.

Okay I am rambling. My point is, I feel fortunate to be in a position where I don't hav to fight and claw for everything,, it is peaceful, and when I read the stories of some of my SI brothers and sisters, I don't take this for granted. My life could be so much worse and I feel good knowing that we can operate as parents even if we can't operate as spouses. .

and yes a lot of it is to make h self feel better!!!!

[This message edited by ninebark at 8:39 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Wink  Posted: 8:51 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm gonna admit that I am a tinsy tiny bit jealous!! LOL! I had assumed that we were all getting fucked financially!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
I FINALLY GOT A COURT DATE: 5/29/14!!

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Oct 2012
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you, ninebark. Happy that he is not making you fight tooth-and-nail for everything and happy that you are looking on the bright side and appreciating it. Being grateful is good for the soul!


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

happy that you are looking on the bright side and appreciating it. Being grateful is good for the soul!

I so believe this! I spent soooo long angry and hateful over what happened, one day I just woke up and said "enough of this crap". I was able to let it go and move on (ummm not that I don't have my moments, I have lots..ha ha).

now I spend all that energy that I used being angry and put it towards making myself happy.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 11

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