That's what I did when I sent MOW a "stay the H away from my house and kid" letter. Very effective. Bunny boiler went NC except for one pathetic little remark in a necessary work email 4 months later. She would turn and walk the other way when she saw my fWH at work. (She doesn't work there any more. Got a crappy new job.)
BTW, the first sentence in that message was Don't ever come to our house again, and stay away from our kid. If you don't, I will call police, your husband, and my lawyer.
No pussyfooting around. Shock and awe!
[This message edited by StrongerOne at 12:29 PM, June 10th (Monday)]
I told him all the things that were suggested in this thread...that he is more worried about her feelings than mine, and he said that wasn't the case- and if it made me feel that way, it wasn't worth it to him. He said he does want to address this with the MC and see what she says, so I'm especially anxious about the conversation today.
How do I finally pull him out of this fog so that seeing her face doesn't do this to him anymore? I want him to see her face and for it to remind him how he hurt me and our family, not have fond memories he's not ready to let go of...
[This message edited by jojo42 at 9:31 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)]
Now, fog over, shame, horror, and empathy for me. She was, and he sees her for what she was in our case, a predator & master manipulator. A really good one. Her, and her family and little friends.
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies!
Your WH is cake eating reading her texts and keeping that picture. It's very likely he is communicating with her in some way. Cause if he couldn't resist keeping the picture, how is he going to resist talking to her?
I don't trust therapists to understand the no contact letter and what it means. YOU can do this. You don't need help. If he waffles, bring him a suitcase. And I am NOT joking. Being nice and easygoing right now will END your marriage faster than anything else. YOU want to drag him out of the fog? Tell him has 3 seconds to choose, you or her. And start counting. If he lets you get to 3, bring him a suitcase.
He is stringing you along and it will NEVER end until you put your foot down. NOW is a better time to do this than later. As it is, you have months and months of his lies and deceits you will have to try to get over. You will resent him for this in the months to come,this footdragging of his. And you will be angry at yourself for allowing it. This is very hard to overcome in the best or reconciliations. You are just prolonging your recovery by moving slowly now. Move hard, move fast. DEMAND he treat you as you deserve to be treated. The OW can pound sand. I would likely tell him as well, "if you dare, DARE to make one sound, one word, one movement that she deserves any sort of kind treatment, after you have ripped my guts out, you can get out. Now."
Go hard honey. You can do it.
The b!tch boots thing is hard for me because it's not my personality- not to mention I have been working hard at not getting worked up since I am pregnant...but I hear what you are saying about putting my foot down, and I am proud at how well I've done this this time around compared to last time which led to the false R. I know you say you don't trust therapists and, frankly, I don't know if I do either- but what I do know is that I look forward to having the 3rd person, not sure why, just think it will help me get my thoughts out
As for getting worked up, you don't have to say anything while screaming. Icy calm is also quite effective.
You've been in false R for 10 months. I was in it for 3. All I can say is that after the second dday, I was done. He had one week to meet all my demands or it was over. He made it with time to spare. Yours has had 10 months for closure. Give him no quarter, Jojo. Don't back down one inch.
Being married so short a time, I would really look at how these patterns became so ingrained so quickly. I do hope you are seeing a quality IC as well.