I think mine still would have because it was a ONS that he did NOT go looking for it was simply that a college skank came to him and told him he should not be alone that night and that she wanted him and they went off on they're marry way.
She knew he was married with kids ( she asked before hitting on him )
I want so badly to ruin her life and future !
[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 10:40 AM, June 6th (Thursday)]
I'M ON THE FENCE
Who knows - good question though... I'll be interested to watch the responses
Before DDay, both H and I rated our M at a 9. We didn't put it in the 10 category because we arrogantly thought "well, everything could use improvement and nothing is perfect, but this is as close as it could possibly be". After DDay, and with much therapy, we figured out we were so wrong about the state of our M pre-DDay, and of course the state of H's level of damage, as well as mine.
Infidelity happens to gorgeous people, it happens to rich people, it happens to romantic people, it happens to famous people, it happens to poor people, it happens to ugly people, it happens to people who have tons of kids, it happens to people who can't have kids or don't want kids, it happens to everyone.
A marriage can NOT be perfect enough to distract a broken person from causing more damage in their own life. Plain and simple, the infidelity has nothing to do with the state of the M, rather it has to do with the state of the WS.
ETA: typo had to be fixed.
[This message edited by doesitgetbetter at 11:58 AM, June 6th (Thursday)]
So yeah, she went off the reservation. She is the one with the avoidance, lying and deception problems.
No sure why anyone would think otherwise.
It never has to do with the BS or the M.
"Knowing is half the battle"
Expecting progress not perfection
his coping skills suck! he has a high stress job , i mean very high stress . then comes home to small kids screaming and uses distractions like gaming (hes a addict ) as a way to get "away" a stress relief so to say but it did nothing but cause distance and i became ignored and he wondered why he wasnt getting the attention but never brought it up that something was wrong ever . .....im confused as to why he did this and yet kind of know still doesnt justify anything what so ever and to picture him being that man to do that to me is the hardest thing considering all the troubles we went through to be with each other early on those are where i could see the relationship failing we had real reasons that we couldnt be together or work on things , but years later after the fight to be together something as simple as speaking up or noticing my attempts to bring him close to me went unseen and he let himself think i didnt want him .
In the entire time he and I have been together,the only time we ever fought was when I found his hidden porn..or when weeks would go by and he didn't want sex(but he jacked it to porn daily).
Even now,when he and I argue about his cheating on me,and he is desperately trying to find something "bad" that I've done so he can put some of the blame for our problems on me..he can't come up with ONE damn thing that i have done during our relationship to throw at me. He has brought up some stupid shit I did when i was a teenager...and a lie I told him when we first met(not a big one,but a lie..a lie I confessed to several years ago,on my own,and apologized for). But he can come up with NOTHING that I did wrong in this marriage..I mean..yeah..I was a bitch sometimes when I was PMSing...and I am not perfect...but I find it very telling that he can't come up with ONE thing that I have done wrong in this marriage.
I was the "perfect" wife.
He still cheated.
He wants that wife back..he says he misses her.
But..he cheated on that wife...and he killed her when he betrayed her...she is long gone.
[This message edited by confused615 at 12:48 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Knowing now about his issues I still don't think I could have done anything differently. I tried repeatedly over the years to get him to open up, but that would only cause him to withdraw further. He needed a cataclysm to reach this point. Well, got that!