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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: is there ever a time when..........
dontknowanymore1
♀ New Member
Member # 39238
Question  Posted: 3:39 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, had a very up down day today.
do you think there is ever a time when every time I look at my ws, I wont see her. when I see him get a text, I wont think of her, even the living room is a trigger (on the floor!!), has anyone got past the things that you cannot change?

I've tried to get rid of most things, clothes, cups, glasses, new bed, new phone, other random stuff, but id just like to know that maybe one day I could look at him and see just the man I love and not the man who hurt me?

hope all this rambling makes sense.

edit: and can you ever truly regain trust?

[This message edited by dontknowanymore1 at 3:40 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


me bgf(25)
him wbf(44)
dday 7th may 2013
children 2
together 4 1/2 years
status want out

How can you love what you cant trust?


Posts: 49 | Registered: May 2013 | From: england
sarahm49
♀ Member
Member # 37351
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you.

I had my H sell the van because he used it to have sex with her. I threw out all the clothes he bought during that time and threw out every pair of underwear he had. I smashed the shit out of his iphone with a hammer and it's a damn good thing she was not in my house because we would be moving.

I am at 7 months out and still get a pit in my gut everytime he texts or emails someone on his phone.

At times I can see my loving husband because he is so remorseful but I really cannot wait for the day that I don't think of the A.

They say time will help but it just can't get here fast enough.

Take care of yourself.


BS:Me 50
WH:50
D-Day Oct 20,2012
TT until final disclosure Dec 21, 2012 at polygraph.
Married 24 years

Posts: 155 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Ontario
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It takes a long time, and lots of hard work on the WS's part, but yes, it's possible.

I look at my H today and I don't see a guy who cheated on me anymore. I don't see another woman touching his body. I don't think of him seeking out others for sexual pleasure. But it's been over 5.5 years for me since DDay as well.

I don't blindly trust him like I did from the day we met. That will never return. But I do trust him and believe what he is saying most of the time. I am content verifying the things that sound off to me, and I'm glad when they are verified to show he is being truthful yet again.

It's a special kind of hell we BS's go through, but it will get better eventually.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It takes time and a remorseful spouse. You have to also make an effort to help your thought process. A. suffer more B. move on.

I understand you completely. There was times where anything and everything would have me collapse on the floor in tears.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1399 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That day can come. It has for me. I don't see "others" when I look at my FWH any more. I have occasional triggers, but they are far less intense and far apart. Him being on the computer at night when I'm not there doesn't trigger me anymore, although I do check up on the history from time to time. With a spouse that is truly remorseful and who does the hard work of digging to the bottom of their issues, it can be done. I would not have believed it, less than a month after DDay. I was convenced that I was going to live in the hell that he had created for the rest of my life. But little by little, it gets better and better IF your spouse is truly committed to doing whatever is needed, to help YOU get better.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, the living room floor. I did not step foot in the living room for months. I would lay in the next room and watch my DS3 play through the door.

I can go in there now. I only think about what happened there about 1 out of 5 times. Its getting better. I hope one day it will not even cross my mind.


BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2645 | Registered: Aug 2012
dontknowanymore1
♀ New Member
Member # 39238
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

im struggling a lot with the living room, its a small place, and I have to go through it to get to the kitchen, but I have scrubbed the couch ( idk if they did there or not but it will be replaced when I can afford it)
and the way the living room is arranged (and thanks to hair that the skank left on my floor) I pretty much know where it happened so I avoid this "piece" of floor.


I almost laughed at my self the other day as, to get from the kitchen to the back door, its easiest to go over this section, but to take the bin out, I went from the kitchen all around the living room, stepped over the coffee table and side walked against the wall! it sounds so silly even to me, but I just cannot stand there yet.


me bgf(25)
him wbf(44)
dday 7th may 2013
children 2
together 4 1/2 years
status want out

How can you love what you cant trust?


Posts: 49 | Registered: May 2013 | From: england
Topic Posts: 7

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