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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Are the men of online dating really that bad?
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried it.Guy says he wanted a relationship.Sent him my pic and he said I was sexy and when were we having a playdate!! ugh

Posts: 143 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh GAWD! Why oh WHY do adults insist on using the word "playdate" when it comes to a fuckfest????????


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9237 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried it.Guy says he wanted a relationship.Sent him my pic and he said I was sexy and when were we having a playdate!! ugh

I would have responded, "When your mommy calls my mommy and sets it up.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29539 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Hoops
♀ Member
Member # 22721
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like Ama said, the good ones gets snatched up ... so the idea is to date so you find one. But, you have to be astute to realize you found one too and not get caught up in the "grass is greener" so you never are happy or are unable to see that you might have a good one.

There are great guys (and women) out there looking to find lasting relationships and to get married again (if that is what you want) but you have to find them. I know multiple great marriages that have come from OLD, including my own (in Nov!).

It is about an approach, dont expect too much, dont jump in too quickly and don't alway judge by the firt impression. When I met my guy he actually passed me up (I found him in my recently viewed box). He didnt like my pictures and thought I was too serious. When I read his profile I thought "player" ... two very skimpy paragraphs, not much substance but funny all the same so I figured I would just see. He looked like he would be fun to meet, nothing more. So I figured why not drop a line, practice dating (talking and getting over the first-meeting jitters), right? The first date was not bad, fun, no immediate attraction, but nice guy, decent job (so he could support himself), educated and he was fun to be around. Spent more time with him and ultimatley he was the one who jumped in quickly!! So sometimes, even if you are unsure about the first impressions (I am not talking overt creeps/psych issues/recently released felons!) it is sometimes not a bad thing to just give it a shot.

I had my fair share of creeps and jerks (on and off OLD) and you just have to keep trying .... recognize when you have someone that doesn't work and move on or recognize when you have a good one for you and respect that.

There are good ones, bad ones and great ones and it is a matter of just going out and seeing what you can find.

**There are times you may need a break, not a bad thing. I took some breaks along the way, nothing wrong with stepping back for a while.


BW (Me) 43
W(ex)H 45 .... SA, Alcoholic, compulsive liar
DD 12-03-08
Divorced: 9-14-10

Posts: 292 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Va
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm dating a great guy I met online. He is the one and only man I went out with!

I weeded them all out quickly, wasted no time in communicating with this 100% match and voila....sweet man who is thoroughly genuine.

He said my profile was down to earth, funny and my pics looked just like me.

I think it's important to make your profile read EXACTLY like what you are looking for. Let them weed themselves out and for those that do contact you...be picky, very, very picky.

[This message edited by I.will.survive at 6:14 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the answer is no. There are lots of decent, normal folks on there. Really.

But the whackos are there too! I just appreciate that they announce themselves so clearly.

Most recent? An initial exchange that was on the topic of how the user names got picked. His answer? His user name was related to a nickname that meant "stallion" in another language. And he assured me that the nickname was deserved in "every sense of the word that I could imagine, yes, even that one."

not quite as bad as junk pictures, but really???


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5573 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more experienced you get at OLD, the less creeps you get, IMO. I learned how to recognize players and creeps and weeded them out quickly. So my experiences got better over time.

The recommendation I always give is to create a profile that really reflects who you are and only respond to matches who actually read and liked your profile.


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.† Donít make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I might be getting a clearer picture. How's this for a theory?

Some men just want sex. Nothing wrong with that, per-se, but it certainly will put off women who want something more.

There are women who just want sex as well, but only a tiny fraction of women's profiles indicate as much, so these men just spam lots of women and play the lottery.

Because men typically do the initiating, we hear more about all the badly behaved men out there than women.

In a way, I actually admire these guys. Takes some courage to brag about your private parts during an initial message And it must work for them, or they would eventually figure out that there are no women who just want casual sex.

Maybe I should take a page from their book. I've go so much propriety I bore 'em senseless. Maybe I'll go for that shirtless bathroom mirror shot after all...

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 9:53 PM, June 10th (Monday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it boils down to

If you are your genuine self then the other party has a clear picture and can accept or decline to pursue that genuine self.

If the genuine self announces as a grammatical imbecile or claims to be "hung like a stallion" I know what I am getting if I go forward or meet for dinner...

For me, I am looking for more than a "hot bod" and hope that what I have to offer is appreciated as more than boobs or blow jobs.

Maybe I will go and edit my profile with the previous paragraph.........

I think that women chat this stuff up more too. I have asked specifically and several men have indicated that there are the female equivalent to these types. I just hope they find each other!

I also believe that what one wants may fluctuate as well. On a late Friday night, feeling pretty lonely? the message might be more of an immediate need. Someone who visits and then messages after obviously reading the profile and has a plan? Usually there is a different approach.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5573 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think there are a small percentage of very "normal" people on Match.

OIAL, you are a really great guy. I know you are tired of hearing that from us. But, at least you are trying.

I know I am a pretty good person too...yet I haven't had any "luck" dating. I don't really know why.

I am simply trying to look outside of my normal OLD "box" and see if there is something else for me. I recently went out with a man after only 1 or 2 emails and I knew I wasn't going to be physically attracted to him (tall and thin, not my type). I went anyway just to...see. I was right, no connection, but I was pretty proud of myself for trying.

I also changed my profile to a more honest version of me. I didn't list off a ton of "what I"m looking for", because...really...do we know? I listed the basics:healthy, a single parent and optimistic.

I took down all but one photograph, and one that isn't recognizably me, but I offer to share photos privately.

So far? I've had much more quality guys contact me. They actually read the profile and respond accordingly. I haven't had but one or two say, "I read it, now where is my picture?"

Still no match for me, but a better quality of guys.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4005 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Weatherly
♀ Member
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

is it that the exceptionally bad ones generate the majority of the scuttlebutt here?

I think this ^ is it. I mean, I met Aussie online...sort of. (same site, same time, he kept writing I kept ignoring until mutual friends had us meet.) I dated a LOT of guys before Aussie. A couple I am even still friends with. The story about the 19 yr old who offered me money for sex, THEN invited me to his high school graduation is a far more interesting story because it is shocking, and we tend to want to talk about things. I told people about that and we've laughed over it.

But, I wasn't rushing to SI to tell about the really great guy who I went out with 3 times and we had a nice time, but his work schedule and my kids visitation schedule never lined up. Or the other great guy I'm still friends with who just really wanted a woman who would run marathons with him. I wasn't that woman. Many people seem to keep quiet about the nice dates. Waiting to see if anything comes from it before they get their hopes up. And, when nothing comes of it, there is no need to talk about it. Or, we might see a post about how it's over, but, the focus is on the relationship, not on the online part of it.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 8

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4472 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Waiting to see if anything comes from it before they get their hopes up.

Or getting up the hopes of the NB Brigade that will repeatedly bring up anyone you mention, even if you never see him again.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 8:57 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13554 | Registered: Jul 2011
exhausted lady
♀ Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once....I tried the OLD thing for a while. I dated a bunch of guys and got a LOT of responces from guys that were just looking to hook up. (yeah).

BUT....I also dated a couple of guys that weren't a match, but turned into friends. We still keep in touch, and probably always will. So, NO not all guys on OLD sites are players. Probably 75% are, but there are some good guys out there.

I met my Bear the organic way....I guess. Shooting pool in a biker bar. He befriended my grandson so he could find out.....
A, If I was, in fact, single.
B, If I was somewhat sane (who knows?).
C, If he had a chance with me (I was giving off very strong non-dating vibes)

And then he was very patient. And very much a gentleman.

I had given up on OLD for the reasons most of the women here state. Too many players. Too many assholes. Too many guys looking for a woman to take care of their every need. Ummmm....yeah, done with that.

So, I guess I had mixed results. I was contacted by a lot of guys that I didn't respond to (you're 23.....really?), and a few guys that were good men, just not a right fit for me.

Basically, it's a crapshoot.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had so many "man junk" pictures sent to me that I could publish a 2014 calendar.

Also, all of the younger men assume that we are all cougars.

It's really frustrating. It's almost refreshing when people are at least honest about what they're looking for on the site - whatever that may be.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7413 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Topic Posts: 34
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