Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Starrystarrynight

New Beginnings :
Are the men of online dating really that bad?

This Topic is Archived
default

 OnceInALifetime (original poster member #26023) posted at 9:59 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013

Or is it that the exceptionally bad ones generate the majority of the scuttlebutt here on SI?

BH, now divorced

posts: 3529   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2009   ·   location: New England
id 6364243
default

Newlease ( member #7767) posted at 10:41 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013

Maybe it's just that misery loves company, so everyone shares the horror stories. I'm sure there are good people in OLD - heck look at the people here that are involved in it. But I never had the intestinal fortitude to venture into that realm.

You just have to be prepared for . . . . anything!

NL

Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

posts: 8471   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2005
id 6364293
default

Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 11:25 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013

The good ones tend to disappear pretty quickly too. They get snatched up.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6364374
default

aLadypilot ( member #1822) posted at 11:26 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013

I think we tend to hear more about the horror stories!

I had a very short lived time on Match. I met my fiance. And I went out with a few very nice men. One remains a friend, and the others while not a match, were just nice, interesting people.

I had a great experience with online dating.

Divorced 9/2010
Just married 7/4/13

posts: 4147   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2003   ·   location: Twin Cities
id 6364376
default

MyVoice ( member #35695) posted at 11:29 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013

No they're not I went on about 15 first meet ups and only two of them were a little shall we say quirky the rest seemed completely normal nice men.

Five of these guys I went out on more than one date with and never had anyone be anything but happy,respectful and nice.

Even the quirky ones were nice

I'm currently with a gorgeous man from RSVP meet him four months ago and we've been exclusive for the last three

Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

posts: 493   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6364380
default

InTheRabbitHole ( member #19319) posted at 11:46 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013

Was it my post that prompted this?

I've met a couple of normal guys, they just weren't for me. One guy and are actually good friends. Just no chemistry that way.

My best friend has met a great guy on OLD. I'm willing to keep at it.

posts: 204   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2008
id 6364405
default

Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 11:54 PM on Thursday, June 6th, 2013

I have 3 words for you: Cheesey Nut Man...

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

posts: 25351   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Arizona
id 6364420
default

InTheRabbitHole ( member #19319) posted at 12:01 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

Cheezy nut man is one of my favourite stories!

posts: 204   ·   registered: Apr. 29th, 2008
id 6364428
default

 OnceInALifetime (original poster member #26023) posted at 12:01 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

The good ones tend to disappear pretty quickly

Ouch! No worries, I'm pretty well over myself

This question wasn't precipitated by any one post. It's just that over all these years I've built up the sense from here that most OLD men are loonies or depraved.

Good to know that's not the case. And it diffuses Ama's comment

BH, now divorced

posts: 3529   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2009   ·   location: New England
id 6364429
default

Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 12:11 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

Hey, admit it OIAL, if any of us went on a date where the guy left his teeth in his chicken, we'd be telling that story.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6364448
default

 OnceInALifetime (original poster member #26023) posted at 12:14 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

Yup, Cheesy Nut Man and Crunchy Chicken Man. Brothers in arms.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 6:14 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

BH, now divorced

posts: 3529   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2009   ·   location: New England
id 6364450
default

clralb ( member #17185) posted at 12:23 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

I met some really nice guys OLD.

Problem was, I wasn't nowhere near ready to date, so I was the one they probably had scary stories to tell their friends about.

I'm better now but still want to give it some time before I give it another try.

"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

posts: 682   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2007   ·   location: southeast
id 6364463
default

cayc ( member #21964) posted at 12:36 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

I'm over the moon about the man I'm seeing & I met him via OLD. And fwiw I messaged him first.

posts: 3446   ·   registered: Dec. 8th, 2008   ·   location: Mexico
id 6364481
default

Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 1:04 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

Once, I am with my fella going on three years now this July and I met him online. He is the bomb.

I think we enjoy some of the more outrageous stories, certainly. And I think in some ways OLD and its ease, anonymity and ability to, shall we say, um, be "greater" online than we really are contributes to some of the chaff that really needs to be blown away.

But overall? I have met some nice people. I think the more selective you are and the more true to yourself you are able to be, the more positive the experience.

Just my opinion.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33182   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Ohio
id 6364508
default

ladies_first ( member #24643) posted at 1:15 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

Or is it that the exceptionally bad ones generate the majority of the scuttlebutt here on SI?

When I find a good one, I tend to let a few less important balls drop (including SI) and give it time to see if the attraction is mutual.

And it's true, misery loves company.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

posts: 2144   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2009
id 6364518
default

little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 1:20 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

I never got to meet any of the really bad guys from online dating. All of the guys I met were pretty normal, just not a good match for each other. Until the last guy. We are awesome for each other.

I do enjoy reading the crazy stories though.

Failure is success if we learn from it.

posts: 5648   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2007   ·   location: michigan
id 6364522
default

Snapdragon ( member #4286) posted at 3:38 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

My first experiences with OLD were very good for the most part (Phase I - age 35). I was in a good place ego-wise. I had a lot of fun and met quite a few really great guys. At that time I was NOT interested in long term and that was what I sought.

A number of years later I had a different mindset (Phase 2 - age 40). I was looking for someone serious. That is when I ran into a less desirable experience. The men that said they wanted the same actually did not. They seemed enthralled by the OLD experience that there was always a better one out there to be had. Sadly, I kept seeing them year after year still looking and hoping for the Playboy Playmate they knew they deserved. Meanwhile, I just became disillusioned by men my age that only wanted Bambi the Wunderslut to service them and be their arm candy. So few men my age actually wanted to date women of their own age. They wanted 25-35 max. I'm not into the young guys seeking older women.

These days... I consider it Phase 3 of my single life... I just don't give a shit anymore. Occasionally I still peek at the possibilities on Match but never see anything interesting enough to shell out any $. I do get amused at the obvious "plants" my Match. It is funny to see that they are still practicing that in order to get people to pony up their hard earned cash.

But back to the beginning..... No, OLD guys aren't all that bad.

Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink

posts: 4089   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2004   ·   location: Midwest
id 6364664
default

hurtinky ( member #26152) posted at 6:23 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

I think that the majority of the over 55 men have more than a few issues. I don't know how many first meetings I went on, in a year, but it was a lot. And I don't remember being impressed by any of them. The majority of them were hot messes. But they had nice profiles and talked a good line.

Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12


posts: 1500   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2009   ·   location: Kentucky
id 6364794
default

gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 6:25 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

My DD met her H on match.com. They've been together for 6 yrs and married for 3.It's his 2nd and her 1st. She met a lot of men while she was doing the OLD.Some were freaky like we hear about on SI but most were OK just not a match for her.

I will give her credit, she wrote a great profile and was honest up front about who she is as a person and she knew what she could accept and what she couldn't.

There is really good people out there and like life you have to wade thru the idiots to see the good ones, they aren't always the ones you notice first.

Gma

BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

posts: 20502   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2008   ·   location: Closer to where I want to be..
id 6364797
default

Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 7:22 AM on Friday, June 7th, 2013

I'll never be able to find out about the men on OLD being good or bad. My husband has been doing OLD for years & years. I can't risk bumping into him online.

I'm good with that, though. I'll just stick with old-fashioned methods.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6364814
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy