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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Final hearing trurns into final cluster f*ck
PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pardon me for the following vent. I am so, so pissed off right now it's beyond belief.

Had my final D hearing today and really thought I'd be walking with a deal in hand. Well... after sitting in the court meeting room for 8 hours half of which I had to listen to that lying cheating b!tch spout off one miss-truth after another... all I can say is it felt like a complete cluster f*ck!

Why I ever thought stbx would be any different today is beyond me. PLEASE someone hit me real hard with the blunt end of a shovel if I *ever* believe anything she says again. For the last nine months shes been telling the kids "I don't want to cripple your father, just get a couple hundred dollars a month so I can survive". Funny, that couple hundred turned into a thousand a month real fast! Then her scumbag L tries (in vain) all day to trap me with this piece of information or that hoping I'll screw up in front of the magistrate. Very tiring and extremely annoying day to say the least.

Bottom line... no deal today and now I have to wait 3-4 weeks for the outcome as the M pours over all the testimony. I honestly almost feel like I did on d-day. F*UCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry folks. Got a real bad case of "whoa is me" going on right now.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 4:49 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 906 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((PanicAttack)))) Keep breathing. Vent away. We're here for you.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PanicAttack)))

Posts: 6653 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
bigpicture3236
♀ Member
Member # 27861
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is always amazing how someone you thought you knew could sit in a court of law, under oath, and spout a bunch of lies. My XH did that as well; it tore me apart.
But, on the other hand, it helped me to see the person he has become, CHOSEN to become and makes it that much easier to just forget all about him.
I hope that everything goes your way. You deserve that.


If you love something and hurt it dearly, then chose not to fix it...you never deserved it in the first place.

Posts: 3603 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Michigan
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Vent away friend. We know not to expect integrity in person but we still seem to believe there is a tiny bit in them that won't break the law and lie in court.

Wrong.

A few more weeks then its over. Breathe friend. Just keep breathing.

((PanicAttack))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry to hear. She continues to show you who she is. Believe her once and for all.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Panic)))

Vent away. We've got your back.

[This message edited by jo2love at 6:26 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Posts: 35933 | Registered: Mar 2011
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What kind of stuff was she lying about?

Find out from your L what a judge would award her. If you're talking spousal support, in my state the starting point is a very crude income equalization.

I did my first divorce pre-trial through work last week. All we did with the opposing counsel when the clients were gone was math. A little back and forth about how much of this or that we should account for. The magistrate even stuck his head in and reminded us what number the judge would use. Ended up settling.

That whole experience was my reality check. It is a numbers game. Vent away here, but let your cooler head prevail in the next round.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 1:07 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for having my back as always SI tribe! You all know how very much I appreciate it. Had to get out this eve and actually went to West Coast Swing dance lesson with my GF, then back to her house for some "whoa is me" medicine (if you get my drift)

Anyway, back now and a little calmer but still amazed at what a POS stbx still is and obviously always will be. The lies she told were so f*cked up that I actually started to trigger because they reminded me so much of her TT after d-day.

One lie that was especially rich was when her L asked her how many steps we have in my home and how long after my surgeries it took me to be able to navigate them without any problems. I could so tell that her and L had rehearsed this little give and take because when stbx answered she immediately popped off with the number of sets of stairs along with an exact count of the individual steps for each. What a load of horse sh!t! She couldn't even do this in her alcohol addled brain when she lived here for 22 years lol. The rest of her answer was what really hurt though. She stated that I was more or less dancing up and down the stairs with-in 2 months of my two back to back surgeries... the last of which was a total hip replacement. I used a walker for 3 months and slept in an elevated recliner for almost a year due to complications from my THR! Unbelievably heartless and almost as bad as when she took off on road trips to f*ck OM while I was recovering from both surgeries. There were so many other lies it would take days to recount them all to you.

The worst part of all this though is my DS who just turned 23 and has moved out to his own apartment with his fiance and her 3 y/o daughter. He called me last night for an update of what happened. I honestly tried my best to temper the story to him as I do not ever want him to think any of this is about him, and also so his relationship with his mother isn't affected by anything I say to him about this mess. He's a smart kid though and could read right through my hesitancy. He cut to the chase and asked me what his mother's L asked for in support. I couldn't lie to him and said $1,100. He went silent for about 10 seconds and then told me what I dreaded, and knew all to well was coming... "Dad, that's the last straw! She's now dead to me. I officially do not have a mother anymore". I started to cry and begged him to reconsider... unfortunately to no avail. I truly hate what this has done to him and his new family.

I've really been working hard in IC and within my new found spirituality lately on focusing only on the present moment and not letting the mind chatter of the past or future rule my life. It's one of the reasons I was able to so effectively detach from stbx and the last 38 years. While I didn't have even an once of love left for her, I really didn't wish her any ill will and in fact always expressed a heart felt hope she would find a way to fix what was wrong with her life and her self in general. Now, I just don't give a flying f*ck! Hate is such a useless emotion but I just can't help feeling it for her in spades. Not to steal my son's words but she is dead to me. I want nothing what so ever to do with her and realize that even being near her allows for a chance for me to be infected again by her toxicity. I love my new life and I'm growing everyday in one way or another. I can't and won't allow her to derail that in any way. The hard part of all this is going to be my DD and my grand kids. DD and stbx are still close and she is at every function involving the Gkids. I need some kind of plan to be able to explain to DD that I can not be in the same house with her mother. That will be a major work in progress as I move forward from here.

Sorry to write a book again but as always, it's good to be able to puke this out to others who get it. Thanks for listening and for all the support since Nov of 2011!

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 1:08 AM, June 7th (Friday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 906 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could give you a big hug friend.

Do not carry the guilt - it is Xs wholly and solely. It is not your job to keep her secrets nor to maintain her relationship with her children.

You didn't tell lies about her. You didn't bad-mouth her. You told the truth. He is old enough to hear it. Furthermore he wants to know.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PA,

I'll have a beer on the tailgate for you tonight mate. Just stay strong. Vent away.

(maybe more than 1, I'll be getting rid of the damn truck this month so I'll have to find a surrogate for my tailgate therapy ).


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4006 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 11

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