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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Extracurricular part of CS???
FlySomeday
♀ Member
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Folks..looking at taking another and final stab @ mediation. I have a million things running through my mind. After all this destruction STBX has caused and the pitiful CS and SS he will pay...seriously there will be nothing left so the kids can be kids and do extra curricular activities. Nothing lefT! Do any of you have in your agreement that you will split Extracurricular activties and sports?? Thank you wonderful SI folks.
-FLY


Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. Extracurricular out of pocket expenses (in my case some of these are therapeutic and covered by state funding) are 50/50 between waffle and I per the parenting plan.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 729 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO activities of any kind, none, are built into the CS I'm going to get. Any activities will be out of my pocket. Any extra school expenses, anything extra of any kind for anything, is out of my pocket. CS is going to cover only the bare minimum to feed the kids.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Zamas
♀ Member
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We worked out our own arrangement where he gives me X amount per week and that doesn't cover field trips, football, camp, cheer, ccd, etc. Anything extra is split between us. We didn't go through the courts though, we worked out our own separation agreement.

Edited for typos

[This message edited by Zamas at 5:48 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm heading to mediation for the second time next week. My understanding of the "standard" rules here in Florida are that the costs of extracurriculars are to be shared 50/50 by the parents and are not included in child support. They activites also have to be agreed to by both parents..

Medical co-pays, counseling, medications, glasses, etc., are also to be split 50/50 and not included in child support..

I'm sure you can always come up with your own rules if you want, but my attorney has said the above is what will apply to me.. Unless it will benefit me, I'm going to insist on whatever is "standard."

Good luck..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2110 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anything extra is split 50/50. Including school supplies. EX tried to argue against it saying it was part of CS, but the mediator quickly corrected him.

I also make sure he buys certain clothing items even though he only has them 4 days a month. He purchases all shoes and all pajamas, and pays for haircuts. I pay for everything else.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it 50/50 even if there is a large income disparity between the parents?


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

numbandnauseous, it doesn't have to be. I figured out the percentages. If together we make 100,000 (just for ease) and I make 40,000, I had it put in he would pay 60% of extracurr, and I would pay 40%. It's what you make it.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5429 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things like haircuts and supplies and clothes are what really annoys me about not being in child support, cause he NEVER pays for that stuff. All those months he was only having them a couple overnights a month, I was solely paying for their school lunches as well. But too sad so sad for me that it's all part of child support


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2110 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Fooled Me Twice
♀ Member
Member # 34824
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my divorce decree it is assumed that all extras are included in the cost of cs. I tried to get him to split it by our respective percentages outside of cs arguing how expensive it can get - he said no. (I offered to show receipts so he could see the costs too). Then by 50/50 - he said no. He said he'd, "pay when and what he felt like." Great dad she's got. Like it's hurting me.

[This message edited by Fooled Me Twice at 7:55 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


ME: BS 33 (now 34)
HIM: WS 33 (now 35)
OW: 22, howorker (now 24)
July 2007: Porn found on computer along with profiles on dating websites.
DDay: January 16, 2012 - suspicious since Dec 2011
Divorced: June 11, 2013

Posts: 209 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Here and There
FlySomeday
♀ Member
Member # 35150
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THanks folks. Yeah, the extra curric. is going to kill me! I signed my son up for Tae Kwan Do and didn't really understand the fees...My heart breaks because he loves it so...and we simply just can't afford it unless DB splits it. I'm on the fence with cutting the cable TV too and trying to wiggle whatever else I can to make ends meet. Why? because DB decided he wanted to go to court. Naturally, the devastation of legal fees is crippling. The thing is..he did all of this for the "kids" and now the kids have to pay the price. Sigh. Thanks for sharing.


Digging Deep in the Mud

Posts: 232 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Virginia
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have kids who would be awesome at sports. Can't do it 'cuz I don't have the money. They need new bikes. Can't afford them. Would do great at summer camps. Can't afford it. Would love to get them home art projects for the summer. Can't afford it. Music lessons? Sorry. At this rate I won't even be able to afford to send them to VBS. Since we've been depending on the free breakfast & lunch program at school, I'm now panicking at the thought of having to pay for their food over the summer.

Please keep in mind he makes 90K a year and I am a middle-aged SAHM trying to re-enter the job market. Yeah, there's an income disparity, I'd say. And he laughs all the way to the bank about it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
abigailadams
♀ Member
Member # 37556
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Childcare, unreimbursed medical including the orthodontist, and extracurricular activities are supposed to be split in our state between the parents pro rata to the respective incomes.


Me BS 54
Him WS 51
Married 10 years together 13
DDay October 11, 2012

Posts: 134 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Brooklyn, NY
GrievingMommy
♀ Member
Member # 28127
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In our papers XH is to pay up to $400/school year (total for both kids) for any sports. However, he has to agree to it so all he has to say is nope and then it'd still be all on me.

[This message edited by GrievingMommy at 11:29 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, we are to split all extra-curriculars. He is supposed to agree but I have final say. I could totally go over his head if I wanted but I don't. He has been pretty good about saying yes to stuff.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 860 | Registered: Aug 2011
vcr1995
♀ Member
Member # 22106
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by vcr1995 at 6:20 AM, June 7th (Friday)]


Posts: 295 | Registered: Dec 2008
vcr1995
♀ Member
Member # 22106
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Naturegirl, check and see if free lunch is continued at some of the schools for the summer. In Florida there is a list of schools that still supply lunch so that kids don't go hungry in the summer

Posts: 295 | Registered: Dec 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

VCR, there are a few schools in the district who will continue to offer food over the summer. They are not close by, though, which makes it extrmely inconvenient. I'm having to weigh the cost of gas, the hassle of getting there & back, versus the cost of food. But you're right to mention it, because there may be someone else here who is having the same "how do I feed the kids now?" panic as me and it may be that the school just down the street from them has this program.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are 50/50 with extra curriculars. I tell him how much and he pays. It is not part of the CS but my lawyer told me I am entitled to it.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
KeepOnMovin
♂ Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As my attorney put it, you do these things for your kids becuase you love them, not because some judge orders it.

Per our temporary order, we share joint custody. 50/50 physical and legal. And for the last month, i have had DS16 full time becuase he refuses to go to his mom's.

Per the temporary order, I pay for the following:
I pay just over $1100/month CS/SS for three kids. (Oldest is 18 and legally does not need to be included, but itís not like he ceased to exist at 18, so heís included in the CS formula.)
her cell phone
her car insurance
her car payment
health insurance premiums and all medical and dental expenses not covered by insurance (including counseling for the kids and her as well)
orthodontics for DS16
All tuition expenses, school lunches, and school supplies
Piano lessons for DS11
After school care for DS11
Her attorneyís fee

Not included, but I pay (or paid) anyway:
School pictures
All sports expenses including $325 for DS16 summer baseball, and uniform on top of that.
DS18ís lifeguard certificate
Insurance for kidsí vehicles
Kidsí cell phones
Our 2012 income tax bill ($1100)
All haircuts and most of the clothes (sheís bought a few birthday gifts on her own)
DS18ís college testing and enrollment

My STBXWW has a full time job as a public school teacher. Any time the kids ask her for money, she tells them she has none and to ask me. I donít feel guilty about only paying the minimum in CS because I pay for everything else, which, Iím sure will include most if not all college expense.

Also, it's just easier to pay for the extracurriculars myself than have to listen to a sob story about how she's broke, or give her an avenue to lash out at me because she's not liking where she's landing.


Me: BH
Her: STBXWW
Married: 21 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Separated and proceeding with divorce.
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 295 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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