Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: waugh (44311)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: strange pattern forming. need advice
Titanium
♀ Member
Member # 38866
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have posted about this before and also a recent event in R forum but really need others take on this before i make my next move or a decision.

R not really happening as my gut tells me it should going. We do have major financial issues that WH says he is now on board with. I am still waiting to see that.

We have to sell our home. I have been waiting for repairs to ge done. Rubbishbto be removed etc. I am working hard getting things cleared out and up to scratch as well as doing a fulltime course. He just goes to work. No mention of what bills need to b paid. I tell him and all he says is he will transfer some money to my account.

Taking no responsibility........ last monday i check the phone log. The previous friday he was out and about abd called home from a suburb that XOW now lives. I question him and he denies being there. Got defensive as always.....i told him she now lives there. He said he didnt know that. No mention of course to mevwhen i asked him why he called from that suburb that he had no reason to b there.

I know if it were me and i wasnt there, that would b the 1st thing i would say. So anyway an argument if course. He blameshifts. I hit things head on now. No tears, not worried he may leave like i used to feel. Just want the truth. Told him he still doesnt want to change his number. He said he would, with attitude. Says to me that we always have a fantastic weekend together with what we do and what we talk about and that i always find something to fuck it up on the monday.....WTF....dont think he gets it....

I told him to forget it. Too much if an inconvenience for him. So i withdrew. Go about my business with an I DONT GIVE A SHIT attitude. He stays distant. Next day i get up go to my course. He stays home with a migraine. He seems to b getting a lot of them lately.

Yesterday i get home and he is all smiles. Happy camper. Has to go and see a bikie mate as my WH is a bikie.....thats another story......asks me.
If i would like to go, just me and him. Usually we take our son everywhere with us socially.

He said he just wanted it to b the 2 if us. I thought that was nice. Some couple time. We go, we come home. He goes out to the car brings in a bag from under the front seat. I ask what it is. He tells me that he wanted to go parking....if u no what i mean.

He had bondage handcuffs, collar etc. Now we have been dabbling in this but i find that come fridays his mood changes and he cant do enough for me. Come sunday night after a weekend of sex and drugs he cools off.

Since his affair i have discovered his obsession with porn is over the top. In all the 24 years i have never seen him like this. Even when the affair was going on we had awesome sex. Why would he still want both? My gut tells me he still desires the OW. Not for her but for himself. Is this possible?

Its like daily responsibilities and healing our marriage arent computing. His FB page is strewn with porn and god knows what else. I think he has completely lost his way. Its like he is 2 different people.

He tried to get cuddly last night and since i have a cold i just cuddled. I didnt make a move so he rolled over and went to sleep. No kiss good night. Hmmmm.......

Just a little kiss goodbye this morning. Hot and cold. And after the way he spoke to me the other day its like he knows i wont take his shit and perhaps boot his arse and quickly shows me attention.......with parking and hand cuffs?......yeah right.

Starting to see a pattern. Starting to feel like a sex toy fix.......not sure what to do. It will b interesting to see how he is tonight seeing its friday. He has already bought drugs for us.

When we are intimate he is starting to says things like he really wants this to work and wants us to b a family. He is open more talking about his feelings. This confuses me.

Is it real or manipulation? Could my partner of 24 years be this cold and callous?

I need to have some light shed on this. Does it sound normal to you?

[This message edited by Titanium at 6:38 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


BS me 48
Him 45 NPD/SA fucktard
1 beautiful DS
M 20 yr T 24
DD#1 Jan 12
DD#2 Aug 12 LTA/PA with pond scum
Divorced....... :))
Shoot me down but I wont fall.
I am Titanium

Posts: 92 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Manipulation.

He is using you as a sex toy. Pay attention to the actions not the words.

When you wanted to cuddle he rejected you by rolling over and going to sleep. When he thinks he may get live porn from you he behaves well.

Blameshifting and getting defensive is not R.

What do you want from your life partner? Are you getting it from him?

Don't think you can change him. You can't. He has to want to change himself and his actions show you that he is content the way he is.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 811 | Registered: Jun 2012
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He goes out to the car brings in a bag from under the front seat. I ask what it is. He tells me that he wanted to go parking....if u no what i mean.

He had bondage handcuffs, collar etc. Now we have been dabbling in this but i find that come fridays his mood changes and he cant do enough for me. Come sunday night after a weekend of sex and drugs he cools off.

I'm an advocate of the "5 Love Languages" book. My guess is that he receives love through physical touch and he gives acts of service (Fridays his mood changes and he cant do enough for me.)

But he's wrong to expect or demand sex in payment for a few checkmarks on the Friday Honey-Do list.

[This message edited by ladies_first at 7:37 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Topic Posts: 3

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.