Well, today is 6 months from D-Day. Actually, as I type this, it is almost at the exact hour. I just posted a 48 hours to present post in the JFO forum. I am hoping those newbies reading it will see that healing is not linear. So many times we went one step up and two steps back as the Boss, Bruce Springsteen sings. Well...how about 10 steps back.
But I/we have come a long way since that traumatic day back in December. From a time when I couldn't go ONE MINUTE without thinking about the A, I can now look at my H and see that we have great possibility.
We talk so much. We touch. We are more caring towards one another. Our boys say we are "in love". We are exploring ourselves in IC. We have put MC on hold at the moment. I just felt as if we were putting the cart before the horse. Gosh I hate cliches but there you go. One of the more popular ones!
I am starting to climb the hill to Acceptance. Prior to month 5, I was simply circling around the bottom of it. I am not sure when I will get to Forgiveness. I hear its a BIG, BIG trek - straight up! It will come. I know I am capable of it.
I don't know how people R w/o a remorseful spouse. I
can't even imagine being together right now if his actions did not back up his words. A teacher friend said to me one day, "when I really want to know what is going on in the classroom I just turn the volume down." And that is what I did with him. I just watched. He is really owning this. He hugged me tonight and repeated what he has already said so many times, I am so sorry, LA. I love you.