She is displaying narcissist traits. Google traits of a narcissist and see how many apply to her. It will shine a light to her psyche. And hopefully save you a lot of pain and time in trying to get through to her.
She is still projecting. All about her. It needs to be all about YOU at this point.
I don't give a rats ass WHY she cheated at this point. Right now it's about atonement and making it right with you.
She is being way too selfish to consider WHAT she did. Gggrrr
Se is not worthy at this point of your time or attention.
So sorry. Stay strong.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 2:42 PM, June 7th (Friday)]
I did use the term fog with her as did her therapist. I did/do have genuine concerns that she may stumble upon the site and recognize me by my posts. In some ways I wish she would find this site and get some support from other waywards. She is just far up her own ass, she can't see anything. Feeling "so" judged makes it hard for her to see her own mistakes. If she had other WS to let her guard down with, maybe they could help her to wake up a bit. BS can't give any advice because we are "part, if not all" of the problem in their eyes. I am afraid if she can't get some real help, she will struggle to wake up for a long time. Having SI has been crucial to me. I think her going to IC once a week is not even close to enough to et her on the right track. Will take years that way....
I made it so long by knowing that I, and my kids, were going to fine one way or another. Sure, I really really really wanted to stay married to the wife that I thought I had, but there was no way in hell I was going to stay married to the person she revealed herself to be.
Buddy, you are two weeks out. At two weeks out, your whole world is destroyed and just breathing seems like a chore. I am sorry you are here, it fucking sucks. There is no making sense of it.
At this stage focus on you. Focus on eating, working out, taking care of your kids (if you have them).
You can't wait six months for her to pull her head out. You can wait six months before deciding whether or not you even want to try to reconcile with your WW. Hell, if she keeps up this behavior, I wouldn't wait six months.
Read up on the 180. It helps you get some sanity back into your life. With all the shit swirling around in your head, try to minimize the crazy.
Don't be guilted into a response & don't use her ready made a) b) c responses either. If you don't want to respond, then, don't. If you want to say I don't care to communicate with you, now, say so and follow through, for you.
[This message edited by alphakitte at 2:53 PM, June 7th (Friday)]
I have a very personal bias here.this was the last thing I heard from my birthfather who was a serial child molester and a rapist... Before I cut off all contact with him for life when I was 16 years old.
All marriages have ups and downs. Alienation for a couple of years, half of the time she was having an A, justification for an A after all the years you have been together? Wow, just wow. After 17 year, you'd think she could come up with something better than that.
She needs to have remorse tattooed down one arm and empathy tattooed up the other. She clearly does not have those in her heart or she would be doing everything she could to help heal the damage she has caused you. Instead she is completely focused on herself.
I'm have lots and lots of empathy for abuse survivors but allowing her to emotionally abuse you this way is not helping her at all. It's allowing her to stay stuck in her delusional state. There is no growth that can come from this delusional pattern of behavior and thinking. The only hope for her and your marriage is for her to take responsibility for her actions and pour her whole self into understanding how much she hurt you and the work she needs to do to heal it.
I do not believe in forgiveness without empathy, remorse and restitution. Without those things, there is only acceptance and moving on.
She's totally delusional, doesn't realize what she's done or the implications of it.
She had an affair because she wanted to, plain and simple. No amount of shape-shifting or blame laying will change that.
Again, her affair is 100% on her.
You can respond, your choice, but I personally wouldn't be contributing to her justification mind-f...k.
My response would be "please keep contact to business matters only". Clear and to the point.
Take care man, we're all thinking of you.
I have a slightly different view.
The thing the struck me most about this and the other texts your WW has sent is the recurring "We" aspect to them. It's as if she just assumed that no matter what, you were going to be there. But in twisted way. Like no matter what, he'll never leave and even though I did have an affair he'll always just be my husband.
In your previous thread with the text exchange, I got a sense she couldn't believe this could be a deal breaker for you. That her internal dialogue was something along the lines of "Why isn't he getting over this like I thought he would and just come rushing back to me?"
This newest text appears to be, for her, a concession. That she's starting to believe you actually have an independent opinion about all this that doesn't include you automatically forgiving her unconditionally.
I think it's a small positive step, but it needs to be built upon. You still need to get through to her that this just might be a deal breaker for you. She needs to feel a true understanding that she may have just killed your marriage before the reality of her actions well hit home for her.
[This message edited by Twitchy at 5:02 PM, June 7th (Friday)]
Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot
[This message edited by MissD at 1:26 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]