Hi Nature Girl,
Some of these things are going on for me, too. A pair of in-laws are all I have left out of over thirty. They are the ones that matter, the people with any substance and who can tolerate and see beyond the huge amount of rug-sweeping that the rest do. They are also not fav's in the family and that is why.
Another I tried to maintain a friendship with, but her comments echo in my mind to this day and make my heart ache. She's the first ever to speak of OW wearing my shoes and attending the rest of my life in their special events. She said other things to me that still hurt and I suspect she has backwards, in favor of her brother, the Disgusting Pervert.
I'm sorry for your sadness, for we seem to be people pleasers and cannot please everyone, can we? One inlaw I've lost is DD's godmother, who Perv got to before me and I can only imagine what she thinks now. She was a "friend" and we did things outside the big get-together(s), so I do feel a gap or hole there and also anger. Ironically, her own family favors me if I attend the shindigs and spends time visiting with me when they are around...she does not.
My father told me once after my mother abandoned him, that he wonders if maybe people don't know what to do or say, when they know we've been so horribly wrong. Even though silence is deafening and its own insult, it's the easier road for an in-law stuck in the middle. Not all people can be mutual, I'm learning and many just leave each person alone.
My solstice is that many of them ignore Perv now, for the shock is so huge they don't know how to be around him.
I think this is one thing that changes that we can't control and we have to decide how to put out of our minds or get eaten up by the extra hurt.
Yes, WHs sister in your post is very strange and I don't like her already! There are similarities between Perv's OW and me that are so similar even he has had to mention them to me...uggh...like the perfume you mention. Maybe it's some sort of bizarre comfort zone for them?
Yes, the Godmother has given me silent treatment in my own house, so I stopped inviting any of them, so I could get rid of the pain it made. They invite me for their occasions and if it helps any, the pain and agony is really intense to be there without...him.
Here, he is the unfriended one, so they tell me and the throngs of nieces and nephews don't know how to act around him or what to say. They are kind me and I am lucky that way, but don't seek me out...nor will they run me over with their cars. Many seem to mirror their parents feelings.
FWIW I have many thoughts of them too but don't spend much time wondering what they think of me, esp. after he was outed. Their religious background is too strong for much of what he would lie about to stick, once he was outed and I knew that.
I wonder if your thoughts of them are simply part of your grieving and moving on process? I know I find that if I don't have a puzzle piece, a thought won't go away.