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Newest Member: dunnoY (44984)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Finished Timeline
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support guys and gals.

He's read it all. There was a couple "new" revelations including something I did for the AP that my husband has always wanted but I refused. I was so ashamed. I intentionally glossed it over in the past. That was wrong. The rest he said even if he didn't have details, he knew me, knew how I was, and what he read wasn't a surprise.

So there it is.

Also, he's an official member of SI now. No longer Mr. Aubrie or Mr. C. Dunno if he'll post, lurk, or reach out to individuals. But whatever path he chooses, I hope that he finds support and healing here. Welcome Babe.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6236 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
sad12008
♀ Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(BS here) Having the whole mess written out/written down is painful to the remorseful writer, and exquisitely agonizing to the BS. However, I think in the greater scheme of things, it has such a constructive impact on healthy reconciliation. May not seem that way for a while, perhaps, to either of you -- but I truly believe it in my heart (FWthat'sW).

There were revelations in my FWH's 16 or 18 page long (I forget) confessional that I quite easily might never have known. Those were the things that, though they excoriated what was left of my sense of our marriage's past, also provided a bit of a lifering to believing my H had changed and was, in fact, remorseful.

He could have skipped those bits, knowing full well they'd unleash a whole new collection of painful reactions from me. Him making the free choice to walk into that fire spoke volumes.

I hope Mr. C will feel that, as he navigates through the potentially difficult waters ahead. I'm sending him --and you-- strength!

For any FWSs who may be reading and who have NOT yet done a similar timeline ...please do. I'll add that my FWS actually read it to me, and that was a meaningful element to the whole thing as well.


You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3876 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j:
Welcome ((((QS))))

end t/j

I have a question, hope you don't mind: does QS see this as TT or more like 'filling in some holes'?

I think you have been very brave and forward-looking to even create this exercise for yourself when you might have 'easily' (ha!) gotten away without it. Not only that, but sharing the whole experience here too. Well done.

I hope that QS will get through this bumpy patch on the roller coaster ride, he has the SI army to lean on should be need it.

((((Aubrie & QS))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2588 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For any FWSs who may be reading and who have NOT yet done a similar timeline ...please do.
Word.

I'll add that my FWS actually read it to me, and that was a meaningful element to the whole thing as well.
Wow. Props to your FWS for that. That took nerve.

does QS see this as TT or more like 'filling in some holes'?
We talked about it and he said it was more filling in the holes. He had the general outline just after Dday. With the timeline, I was filling in the gory details.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6236 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
girlsbird
♀ Member
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Aubrie & QS)))))


D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Aubrie and QS)))


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37646 | Registered: Sep 2007
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Aubrie and QS)))


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15396 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j

love the name and welcome to SI

end t/j


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4896 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Aubrie and QuietStand)))


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Give him some time to process it


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37200 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job, Aub.

And QuietStand. Cool name....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8007 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Give him some time to process it
Yes. Takes him a few days.

Bracing in case of troubled waters.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6236 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

QuietStand)))) side man hug, head over to ICR BM thread for 'Menz support' if you feel the need. Know that aub is probably doing a LOT of hard work so hopefully it'll get better in time.

Aub, if you don't mind me asking, from the first A till your timeline, how much time had passed and how much detail were you able to retain/remember? This is to find out for myself whether W really DID 'forget' a LOT due to the time or whether its just her TT talking.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

from the first A till your timeline, how much time had passed and how much detail were you able to retain/remember?
I was able to remember quite a bit. I met AP1 when I was 16. Married QS when I was 18. Continued "friendship" with AP1 for several years after that. (Talked to him about 10 1/2 years altogether)

The only period of life where I'm fuzzy is during the time I suffered a miscarriage. There's a several month period where I don't have many memories at all. Good or bad. Whether AP related or just every day life related. There's just a block missing from my memory bank.

I remember quite a bit from AP1, AP2 (8 years ago) AP3, (3 years ago) and AP4 (19 months ago)

That doesn't mean I remember every single conversation on which particular date. But I know what boundaries and where they were crossed, the subject matter, and other similar details. Talked about my marriage, my feelings, intimate conversations with QS, turn ons and turn offs, dreams, wishes, religion, sex, fantasy, reality, every day life, holidays, feelings about each other, etc. You get the idea.

I've pretty much shredded every day of a calendar year with at least 1 or more AP at some point in the last 10 years. For QS, it's not so much the dates, but what was said and occurred in the conversations. kwim?

Hope that made sense and helped a little.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6236 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aubrie, I am so impressed with the strength you have to do this and the committment you are showing to QS.

Please let him know that I too am here for him if he wants to PM or text or call and chat. At any time.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3416 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome job. Strength and prayers for the two of you.

t/j QuietStand, welcome. PM if you feel the need. end t/j


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2847 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Eponine
♀ New Member
Member # 39367
Target  Posted: 1:54 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"People, if you're asked to do a timeline. Just do the dang thing. And for crying out loud, be honest with it. Even if they don't ask for a timeline, do it anyway. Tuck it away for if/when it's needed. If it's never needed, lucky you. If it is needed, at least it's done."

Good for you for doing it. I started writing and have a way to go...hearing you finished helps motivate me to keep going. DBH doesn't want to read it, but I'll have it for if and when he changes his mind.



Actively R

Posts: 31 | Registered: May 2013
KickedintheGut
♀ Member
Member # 30086
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job Aubrie. I will 2nd the give him time to process. As a BS, I walked around like a zombie for a few days after one of the big disclosures. I was there and fine, but looked kind of like a Stepford wife. Did what needed to be done but was emotionally disconnected from everything. It took a few days to start coming back to myself. Just wanted to share :)

Again, good job. It's awful to do, but so much better than having the details dribble out randomly.


Me - BW (38) Him (calcitro) - SAWH (38)
2 Kids Working on R
DDay#1 - 11/9/10 - 2 year EA/PA
DDay #2 - 12/9/10
Disclosure - 4/8/11
Timeline - 5/9/11

Posts: 492 | Registered: Nov 2010
Zayda1
♀ Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How I wish my WH would write a time line. Whenever I ask he says "you already know when we were together and where we were, there's no point in me putting it on paper".

I often wonder if this is why I still maintain my wall between us. He still outs himself first. After 14 months he probably won't write one even if I beg.

Good for you for being proactive. I hope other WS's can understand why this was so important.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 39
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