Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: brokencrutch (44961)

Fun & Games Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Too good not to share
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I DID NOT DO THIS!!!

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
...
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
∑ The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
∑ My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..
∑ My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
∑ I had no control over the drooling.
∑ Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
∑ I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!See More.Like ∑ ∑ Share ∑ about an hour ago ∑ Write a comment....


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3415 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just laughed so hard tears ran down my legs....


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Waiting4Daylite
♀ Member
Member # 36213
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Strong are you sure that was tears?!!!!

I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself.


Posts: 1792 | Registered: Jul 2012
Cabrona
♀ Member
Member # 9596
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not as good, but still funny. I bought my MALE friend one of those racquet mosquito zappers, and he also felt unexplicably compelled to test it out by licking his lower lip and then zapping it...

His eyeballs BUGGED OUT and rolled back into his head and his knees buckled! Me, I was laughing hysterically!


"The truth is, everybody is going to hurt you... you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." óBob Marley

Posts: 560 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Caribbean
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2748 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was laughing so hard that a couple of coworkers came by my desk to check on me.

HILARIOUS!!!


BS - mid 50's
WH - mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2year+ "passionate" EA/PA

Married 30+ years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day
8/14 - I may be done, we will see
9/14 - getting better. Damn!


Posts: 213 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
Topic Posts: 6

Return to Forum: Fun & Games Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.