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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I don't know what to think
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I grabbed my husbands phone by mistake, because we have the same exact phone. I realized it was his, and for some reason was compelled to check his text messages. Well there he was, talking about his employee's "amazing ass" and how hot she was and has a wonderful personality. Like REALLY?! I really thought we were past this. I stood there, shaking like a leaf and everything just came back to me, I felt like I was getting smacked with a tidal wave of past shit. I'm so upset. I feel like he duped me, yet again. I thought he finally got it, and that we were going to make it. It's less than a month until our 2nd antiversary.

I confronted him and he's trying to defend himself. I'm just. Idk. I'm done. I can't believe this.


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry if this is a jumbled mess. I'm in my bathroom bawling. I'm just destroyed.


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HBH)))))

Just want to validate you...texting someone like that is hurtful and breaking boundaries. Even if he's texting another guy.

Guys may look at other women. I get that. But real men have eyes only for their wives as far as their hearts and the world around them is concerned.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. He was texting a colleague. And I'm bawling my eyes out and hrs basically acting like I'm being ridiculous.


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is not ok...it is never ok. It's disrespectful to you and the marriage.

He's is defending himself??? He is a serial cheater...and is now talking about a coworker's great ass and how nice she is...what the Hell does he have to defend??

WH likes to defend himself when we argue..I've started asking him..what is wrong with you?? What are you defending?? WTHELL do you have to defend?? It usually shuts him up...because..really?? There is NO defense.

[This message edited by confused615 at 10:52 AM, June 8th (Saturday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7697 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
pewpewpew
♀ Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs.
I am so sorry.
This is a time where it's hard to give advice.
Under normal circumstances - yes you'd have a reason to be pissed but yeah, guys do look at other women.
However, as a WS - he should know if you seen something like that it would be hurtful.

Seems as tho he just wasn't thinking.
I think you need to have a serious conversation and let him know that sort of talk is unacceptable. Period.

I tell my WH he needs to remember this always: if he wouldn't do it in front of me - he shouldn't be doing it.


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just ready to walk out the door and never look back. I'm tired of all this pain. I'm tired of working hard to fix things and having him take a crap all over it. I don't deserve this.


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, June 8th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey, you are not being ridiculous. What he did is totally and completely out of line. It is a major boundary violation. And of course, if you saw this...what else is he saying.

It is a true sign he doens't "get it." What you do from here, likely depends on if he stops defending his asshole behavior, and learns to step up and become the partner you deserve.

Don't listen to any of his gaslighting. He is totally in the wrong. After what our spouses have done, there is zero tolerence. Period. I told my husband he had to be perfect. 100%. All the time. And while I realized it might not be humanly possible to actually be perfect, that was his problem, not mine.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 8

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