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User Topic: Anything equal to pain of A?
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't attempt to compare major pain like being betrayed. However, not being invited to a party can't be much more than an annoyance. To try to equate that to being betrayed shows your H is probably very attached to the Victim (Poor me - come and rescue me) position in the Drama Triangle - and unless he's willing to work to give that up, that makes him a poor risk for R at this point. JMO, of course.

I trust your mention of an RA is just venting. He sounds so stuck in Victim that an RA would just confirm his position and make him that much more unwilling to help you heal.

Sorry he's being such a jerk. You're not really a're just M to one.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10345 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ Member
Member # 36981
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I KNOW what hurts worse than an affair.

A cheating spouse who doesn't know the difference between regret and remorse.

A cheating spouse who just wants to rugsweep and treats you like YOU have a problem, cuz you just can't get over it.

A cheating spouse who makes promises he never intends to keep, just to get you off his back.

A cheating spouse who disappoints you month after month after dreary dreary month, all the while pretending things are good.

me:BW 64
him:WS 65
married 22 years
DDay: Sept. 4, 2012
2 sons (his)
1 grandchild
A: 6 mos (according to him) UPDATE:11 months is the latest admission....

Posts: 57 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: off grid middle of nowhere
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MrWNW was EXTREMELY offended, hurt, and angry with me several months ago when I, as a 2001 rape victim and he as someone that helped me through very dark times of the PTSD from that, said,
"I would've rather been raped 1,000 times than have lived through one December 2010!!!"

I recently talked to my IC (the same IC I had for my rape counseling) about that statement, and I still hold true to that statement.

I didn't love my rapist, didn't trust my rapist. My rapist never committed to me, made promises to me, let me dream a lifetime with him.

December 2010 crashed so much of my life, and it's never been the same....I've never been the same.... The PTSD is far worse that I'm dealing with now from his SA than the PTSD that was related to the rape.

"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

False R was more painful than the A. The loss of my children or chronic health issues - hell not even just my children, anyone's children.

Dude needs a check-up from the neck-up if he seriously thinks the two situations compare in any way, shape or form.

I call manipulator. Not even a master - just your garden variety kind.

This must make you so mad and sad.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 24
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