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Newest Member: LadyS (45361)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Before The Affair
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never gave it any thought, because I believed he was so ethical that he would never have an affair. I mean, I never even thught to myself, what if he has an affair. Completey out of the picture.

Now that I've had to think about it, I can say that I will not put up with another affair.

DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 872 | Registered: Sep 2012
♂ Member
Member # 38561
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I've been through since Dday often has me in disbelief as to how naive I was to the pain that infidelity can cause. Any response I would have had to such a question prior to the A is completely irrelevant and I assume that goes for just about anyone who hasn't lived it in some way.

ME - A new person
HER - A waining memory
DDay - 2/22/2013
2-3 month EA/PA
Together for 6 years, ready to start my life . . .

"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back

Posts: 177 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told my WH if he cheated on me I would leave his sorry ass.

My IC informed me that we all think that.

If it weren't for her I probably would have left his sorry ass.

She advised me not to take immediate action. She told me that marriages do survive infidelity. She was a source of strength when I needed it most. She was my saving grace during those dark days.

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2123 | Registered: Nov 2011
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always said one time cheating and I'm done. When I found out I had HPV he told me he had had a ONS. It was extremely difficult but I was able to forgive him for it and move forward.

Unfortunately, it wasn't the truth. He had had multiple encounters including a LTA and was currently in a long term F**kbuddy and sexting situation with a woman who was juggling several men that he knew of. If he had come clean and changed on DD1 who knows where we would be. The combination of not caring for my health enough to stop cheating and continued lying made staying together impossible. It did take a long time for me to figure that out.

If I ever marry or date again I think it would be easier to drop someone if they cheated after this. It's still very difficult now to give up on a 32 year relationship and my first love.

Divorced and beginning my new life.

2 Ddays and lots of TT

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did exactly what I told him I would. I went straight to my attorney and filed for D the minute my plane landed. He of course begged and pleaded for another chance, saying he didn't love her, didn't want a D, yada yada yada... Well I put D on hold, then a yr later found out he had taken the A underground. Again the begging, pleading, yada yada yada. I am giving him a second chance again, but it looks like he doesn't have it in him to put in the effort to fix himself. I now wished I had just went ahead with the D because I know thats where I am headed in the future. He is NC (as far as I can tell)and transparent, and regretful. He however is not remorseful and that is what I need in order to stay in this marriage. His time is running out and I am detaching to save myself more pain.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
New Member
Member # 39497
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always thought I would kick her to the curb, but now that it happened, I still want her. I can't explain it.

Posts: 8 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before the affair: if somebody had asked you what you would do if you ever suspected or found out that your spouse has an affair, what would you have said?

That I don't care about excuses or what the "reason", I don't stay with cheaters.

Did you ever think that you would have reacted the way you actually did?

Yes, I did. I knew what I'd do, and I did it.

Now I will admit that for a short month I tried ONLY because I didn't want a broken home for my kids. But I realized that wasn't my fault, but hers, and that I wouldn't be doing them any good as a father by being miserable staying with someone I now despised.

Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 27
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