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Newest Member: whatdoido21 (45321)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Cheated and lives with my best friend!!!
ketyb
New Member
Member # 39498
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My story is long but I will keep it short,,,lived together 11 years,,,he has cheated 4 times in this period /that I knof of..I always forgave him..then last year he asks me if we can have a baby...I was so happy...Bought house,car talked about the baby..THEN he cheats with my bestfriend...my life has been hell for the past year..I moved out and she moved in 3 days later..He has contacted me all year..talks about how unhappy she makes him..he is leaving her..but it never happens...I went no contact 3 weeks ago...I have no hope for love and cannot understand this....he is a big user of porn as well---it was his hobby you can say...the friend is very slutty and slept with many men in our town...I never thaught he would go to her..-

[This message edited by ketyb at 12:23 PM, June 9th (Sunday)]


Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Sweden
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry for the circumstances which brought you here, but you have found a great place for healing.

My exH also had an affair with my best friend, so I understand the level of pain you have been feeling. Double betrayal is a particularly painful thing.

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by being No Contact with the two of them. There is no reason for him to be contacting you, and nothing good could possibly come of it.

You will move on with dignity and find someone who truly deserves your love and devotion.

Best wishes to you.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7824 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome. I'm so sorry that you had the reason to find us, but I am SO glad that you did. We are all here to support you. The weekends can be really slow, so don't be discouraged if it seems like there isn't a lot of response to you. More people will be on starting tomorrow morning.

Please take a look at the upper left corner of your screen. There is a yellow box there and in it, is The Healing Library. Click on that. It will take you to several articles by experienced members. Start reading. The more information that you have, the better. While you have not "just found out," you have come to the right forum to start off as you're still processing your betrayal, so please stay here for a while. Also, any post in this forum that has a bulls-eye next to it is also something that you should read.

Keep coming back. Post and vent. We are all here to help you. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4915 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
ketyb
New Member
Member # 39498
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanx so much....I guess we come here to feel we are not alone...I never thaught this would happen in the mist of my happiest moments...maybe I was blibd to see it coming

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Sweden
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ketyb,
Welcome to SI. I am so sorry for your pain. You know you deserve better than this, right?

Rather than waiting for him to throw your x-BFF out and asking you back, maybe you should look into getting yourself into individual counselling.

You need to find out why it has been ok for him to "cheat 4 times" and now cheat with your best friend. Why are you accepting of this poor treatment? And more horrifying? Why would you consider bringing a baby into this?


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 8032 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
ketyb
New Member
Member # 39498
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good question i guess denial because it was too painfull

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Sweden
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get that. Denial is a powerful thing. I lived in that place for a long time too. do yourself a favor and find out why. And then get out of it.

You deserve a better life. You know this and you want it. You just think you're going to have it with him. And he is "showing" you who he is but for whatever reason, you can't see it.

You can't find the right one while you're with the wrong one.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 8032 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
ketyb
New Member
Member # 39498
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess this was never love or any form of love...I wonder why I hate myself so much to see him dó this in front of my eyes, at work and at home..he is a pig and I want him back...the OW is not important because there were many before her...he never seemed to have regrets...but this time he cried and told me he is evil..

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Sweden
thrivingnow
♀ Member
Member # 23202
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

there were many before her...he never seemed to have regrets...but this time he cried and told me he is evil..

Oh sweetie. Could it be that he's crying because you aren't putting up with it this time? And not because he's come to his senses?

Don't take him back for a while, at least till you see some major, permanent changes.

Take care of yourself. And please, please do not get pregnant. Your baby deserves a father that loves his/her mother more than anything.


Me: xBS (58)
Married 24 years
D-27, S-25
Divorce final 10/1/09
"She is clothed in strength and dignity
She can laugh at the days to come." Pr. 31:25

Posts: 628 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Washington
avicarswife
♀ Member
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi honey welcome to SI. What you have gone through is heartbreaking and you deserve so much better.

I am so sorry that both your spouse and your friend could betray you like this. Such a terrible double blow.

Have you got yourself some counselling? Someone who can help you work through your own issues. No one deserves to be treated the way you have been by him and be so accepting of it.

You know when someone repeatedly shows you who they are by their actions you need to believe them. I know it is hard to believe when you are so hurt but you do deserve someone who will treat you with love and respect. He is not doing this.

This man has seriously concerning sexual behaviours - he may well be a sex addict.

You need to to start looking after you - both physically (get yourself tested for STDs) and emotionally (counselling and reading etc).

Keep posting so we can support you.


BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 727 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
ketyb
New Member
Member # 39498
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he has some kind of addiction to women and porn..he used to always sit and look at porn when I was at work, never did anything in the house...likes to drink as well...I am so lost, so empty,,I need to move on its been one year..he has gone no contact as well now...after telling me just in march he was leaving her

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Sweden
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Sad  Posted: 9:29 AM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you are hurting and I am sorry.

It is time to move on. Do not allow yourself to be an option.

Please listen to your own words. He's cheated on you numerous times, he is addicted to porn, he drinks, he is cheating on your best friend.

YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM. He is messed up. He needs to figure himself out, get into counseling and grow up.

If you would reunite with this man you will be setting yourself up for more heartache and despair. And WHY would having a baby with this man be a good idea? That would be so unfair to the child to have this man as a father.

Go NC and don't look back.

Please consider IC for yourself. You need to figure out what healthy means to you.

There are good guys out there. Go find one.

Good luck


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1182 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 12

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