Skan is 100% right. My H and I did not have R for about 5 mos after d-day, I wanted it, i was looking hard at what we had hoping it could be considered R but it wasn't at all.
I left and H changed, he finally saw I was serious and said he'd do it all, everything I asked, which I hadn't actually heard before, my requests were always met with defensiveness, changing the subject, making me feel bad for asking, etc. So I did feel a spark of hope when he actually agreed to what I needed.
And yes, it was his actions that reassured me. Rather than keeping his phone close, he'd just hand it to me from time to time, if it rang he'd say "can you answer that plz?" wow, that was huge.
I think that is the biggest clue to true R, that do what you ask of them b/c they want you to feel better. MC didn't work out for us but at that point he went, I knew he hated it but I asked so he went. He read the books I gave him, he hated it but he did it. So it's not about WS figuring out how to fix the marriage or suddenly they do all this stuff on their own, imo, its that when you ask something directly they say ok and do it.