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User Topic: What were your conditions for going forward?
cuppacoffee
♀ Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I need some concrete examples of what is not okay.

So far

No contact with ow
Access to email text and phone
No going out for fun without me


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me it was absolute NC, an email stating so tO her.

All access to email phone etc.

MC for at least a short time.

Answers to any questions I may have

Patiencence and understanding.

Absolutely NO more hiding or lying about anything!

I clearly outlined these and told him shoul he not do this I was done and he would have to leave.

We have successfully R'd. we did have a rough start and broken NC TOO many times. I ultimately ended up making him pack his shot before he really got it. But when he did he really really did.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8600 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^ Everything tushnurse said.

I also told WH that I was looking for (non-A) behavioral improvement. As long as the trend was toward improvement (perfection was not expected overnight) I would stay the course.

WH was also required to stay sober and on his mood stablizing medication.

The other bottom line: treat me with respect at all times.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 860 | Registered: Jun 2012
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IC for him, MC for us

Complete honesty

Continued stepping up and putting my needs first, at least for now

I can see his phone anytime

Answer any and all questions

The "new, improved" H stays permanently!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
mtab
♀ Member
Member # 36981
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, June 9th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1.NC

2.NC letter

3.phone and email access

4.whereabouts known at all times
5.NC with any women at work except business related, relate any of those conversations to me

6.Timeline or journal of A

7.Name of howorker

8.IC

9.Read A books

I got 1,2,3,mostly 4, finally 7(took 2 months),8, and am about out of patience waiting for 6 and 8....


me:BW 64
him:WS 65
married 22 years
DDay: Sept. 4, 2012
2 sons (his)
1 grandchild
A: 6 mos (according to him) UPDATE:11 months is the latest admission....


Posts: 57 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: off grid middle of nowhere
Topic Posts: 5

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