..refuz2b's post is right on the mark..
and is exactly why i'm so pissed at the AP.
..as my bf, starting in Boy Scouts..we did share an oath, and as friends thru HS we shared a bond..
..and attending our wedding, he had an obligation to be a supporter of our marriage.
..his conscious pursuit of my gf/wife was a complete violation of all the trust i gave him, based on 25 years of friendship..
he most certainly ignored any and all boundaries in the calculated corruption of my very naive gf.. cleverly convincing her to 'get some more experience with other guys and offering himself up to be the first one she could 'experiment with!
People who blow through boundaries the way they blow through stop signs, when they clearly know the rules and what is expected in our civilized society are responsible to uphold those rules...even when no one is looking.
..his arrogance and sense of self-entitlement, to use my wife just for oral sex was simply selfish and cruel.
..he knew exactly what he was doing.. no love, no infatuation, no romance, no fog..just the lust for sexual gratification at any cost.
I also believe that the lack of justice or repayment to the BS on the part of the AP, contributes to the prolonged sense of anger.
I relate totally to this. I now realize that he was never my friend, all the while, I was being one to him.
..i suspect he could care less about the damage to my marriage or the damage to my wife and me after i caught him. His focus became simply damage control in his own second marriage. He probably never gave me a second thought.
That is, until he learned he had his brain tumor and was going to die. I'll bet he thought of me then!!!
Facing the 'ultimate' consequences for his evil actions had to have been on his mind as his final months ticked by.
I know exactly where to lay the blame.
..he orchestrated the whole thing.. my gf/wife was compliant to his very pursuasive and charming personality.
He simply talked her into doing his bidding or should i say 'sucking'..
Yes, I blame the AP in this case; - my wife was in many ways his victim. She also had boundary recognition problems, no doubt.
..and of course it was the late 60's.. the sexual revolution