When I said I didn't think he realises how hurtful his words I, I meant in the long term I guess. He says them, he thinks I sulk for a bit and then we are over it. But they linger there and play on my mind. And yes, I guess actually he does want me to do just that.
Thank you for your kind and supportive words and 2x4s!!
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes" - William Gibson
He says them, he thinks I sulk for a bit and then we are over it.
He thinks you are over it because you keep allowing it to go on. He does it, you get mad, give him the silent treatment, he does nothing then you cave and slowly like water torture the life you have chosen to stay in will go round and round.
What he is doing is abuse. One doesn't have to physically hit you for it to be abuse. You are being abused and learning sadly to live with it. And I want to give you a hug because I understand.
But love isn't about staying with someone and hoping or wishing for it to go away. Love needs to be tough sometimes. You up and leaving will not only save yourself it might give him the hard knock he needs to get some help. Although it is not up to you to save him at all, it is up to you to save yourself. And by doing that you will show your children what they should do if ever put in the same situation.
Is he all done with OW?
If not, why are you with him anyway?
From your post it sounds like Perv, who does not drink (that I know of) but when challenged-which, for me is a simple question of any sort-will get his back up, so to speak, and be unreasonable and just a jerk.
The difference is, he doesn't do it around me, only through electronic means where he can "hide", as a coward.
I don't like how WH speaks to you and hope you will toss him to the curb soon, if you haven't already. Confrontations are very, very scary, but you sound like a very nice person and we all deserve better.
I don't know how you-or anyone- could begin to heal if the behavior is continuing?
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I have no idea why I am still with him. I think out of fear of the fall out. I am past the thinking that it is better for the kids for us all to be together. I am not happy, the children are nit happy.
I am hoping to find some bitch boots as I habe the next few days off work!!
as soon as WH says something detrimental, all my fight leaves me once again
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
And you should never have a conversation about controlling drinking with someone who has already been drinking. Not sure if he had been but something in the way you worded that gave me the impression he had been.
So I said Because of what you said last week.
He just rolled his eyes and walked away :-(
Arsehole. Trying to get the courage up to kick him out tomorrow