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OMGosh, you guys, last night I had a nightmare that lasted all night long. I dreamed my kids were gang-raped, molested, whatever, by the f-ing freaks that STBX hangs out with. I'd wake up from the dream, calm myself down, go back to sleep and have it all over again. Sometimes the dream would progress into the investigation, sometimes it would start back at the beginning.

This is my greatest fear, that STBX, because he's a complete idiot in utter denial about himself or the danger he poses to the children, is going to either molest the kids himself or set the kids up to be molested. He truly does only have freaky friends (drug dealer, other sex addicts). When he has the kids for visitation he has this sex addict friend who hangs out with him. This other man is around my kids, has his hands on my kids due to th activities they engage in, all kinds of stuff.

Anyway, I'm totally unsettled today. I've not had a dream like this before. It was awful. The images from the dream were like the nightmare porn pics & vids I used to see on STBX's computer. ARGH!!!!!

((((NG)))) That must have been a horrible feeling when you woke up and I bet your stomach will feel uneasy all day. I don't have advice on what to do regarding your STBX and the situation but I hope a resolution comes that will make you feel comfortable.

((((((NG)))))) Oh, honey.

Are your kids in counseling? Do they have a safe space where they could talk to someone if something were to happen? Obviously they have you, but sometimes a "neutral" party is easier, especially for kids.

soooo scary and sad. That is strange that you woke up and went back to sleep and had the same nightmare. I hope your nerves calm down soon. Hugs!!

Mine have been more day terrors of this. What you describe is exactly what my STBX told me his father and father's friends did to him. His father eventually went to jail for molesting a 5-year-old girl..

It scares the crap out of me that this could come down a generation. I think my kids are over-sexualized as in talking about butts and wieners and showing them off, etc., but I haven't had any real concern of molestation other than in my fears..

Big BIG hugs.. I feel you..

Yes, Ama, they're all in counseling. I immediately put them in counseling after the separation when one of my DD's disclosed to me that Daddy used to lie down on top of her in bed at night after the lights were out. They've been in counseling ever since. I've learned that it is not against the law to lie down on your children in their bed after lights out, although that most certainly is "grooming" behavior. STBX has engaged in a lot of other grooming-type behavior (his sexual perversions run to the "young" side of things, among other sick stuff). I've talked a lot with the kids about this topic, as have the counselors. I've done all I can legally do, preventatively speaking. At this point I have to wait until my kids are actually molested or exposed to STBX's horrifying porn (really, it's so sick it is beyond anything I ever knew people could get off on) before I can do anything else.

Reminds me of a Dr Phil I watched recently with a sex addict who was out of control. He said that he got an erection once while his 2 year old daughter was sitting on his lap. They were describing his porn habits, how he was into watching videos of women being raped with machinery. people like that are very sick and I wonder if any amount of counseling would help them in the long run.

Btw, his wife was sticking with him. It was all very difficult to take in.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 11:59 AM, June 10th (Monday)]

I am so glad we are free from the daily nightmare of living with STBX. He, too, sexually acted out with the children present in the room (even in his arms!). I regret staying with him as long as I did. I had the misguided belief that his sickness was covered under the "better or worse, sickness & health" clause of our marriage vows. Totally lost sight of all reason due to my codependence/enabling belief system.

I'm sorry, Nature Girl.

I find most nights I don't really dream...I don't sleep, though and have all-nighters instead.

FWIW, I have day terrors of Perv stealing DD. He's told me more than once that he would like her to live "there" and I puked. I told him he could only replace so much in his life, but he doesn't "get" her.

She's only a toy for him, an ego boost, or something to brag about, anyway.

I'm glad your kids are in counseling and I hope it helps-both them and you. I have to figure that out for her again, b/c last time I took her for a really long time and he attended and manipulated every session.

I worry about things like her seeing the porn he watches. She's never mentioned it, thank God, just complains lately of him "too much texting, too much computer, I thought he was visiting me?"

I hope you will find some peace at night soon.

((((((NG))))))

Oh honey. I simply cannot imagine the stress of living with that fear. I really can't.

((NG))

I can't fathom grooming behaviour doesn't at least warrant supervised visitation.

Have you reached out to a child abuse organisation to see if there is some other avenue you could pursue here?

Have you reached out to a child abuse organisation to see if there is some other avenue you could pursue here?

Believe me, I have exhausted all possible avenues. I've been so disappointed in the legal system as far as the very low level of so-called preventative protection children are afforded. I honestly thought that the mountain of evidence & documentation I provided to show STBX's decades-long sex addition & perversion (including pictures of him doing it!), plus the detailed parental evaluation which included a psychological profile, plus the MANY witness statements I provided, that all of that combined would be enough. Sadly, it isn't.

NG, I keep hoping and praying you will somehow get supervised visitation, but I don't know what it'll take for you to get that. It makes me ill that you have to let your children into that lion's den regularly.

I have similar fears on a different level with my kids' father coming for a visit this summer. As I pray protection over my own, I will add yours to my prayers as well.

((((NG and kidlets))))

Supervised visitation isn't going to happen. Period. Well, that is, if he happens to molest the kids, or one of his friends does, or the kids see his porn, THEN when I finally find out about it AND go through the long, exhausting process to amend the custody/visitation agreement, THEN maybe, maybe, only maybe, can visits be supervised.

It is not easy to get supervised visitation. And to my horror, STBX is going to get unsupervised OVERNIGHTS. He'll have to jump through a lot of hoops to make that happen, but it's in the paperwork as a possibility. That's why I say it's so disappointing how you can NOT protect children preventatively. If anyone has a case for not letting STBX have overnights, it's me. Remember, I have photos, journals, datebooks, handwritten documents, witness testimony, the children's statements, MY statements, psychological analysis, computer forensics and on & on. Still not enough.

In this day & age you just don't get supervised visitation unless your children have already been molested. OR, if the other parent is accused of something horrific, like murder. Then you can get supervised. We can thank the idiots of the 80's and early 90's who made false claims against their STBX's for this. They ruined it for the rest of us who have legitimate concerns.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 5:42 PM, June 10th (Monday)]

My fear is similar...OW is a predator. She has bought my son a car stereo thing, had her Dad make him a saxaphone CD, acts like she is my son's best friend. I know she is grooming him. It freaks me out when they are over there, now.

Is there anything else in your D papers you can bust him for??? ie drinking and driving, or having an OW for overnights?

OW is on Adderall and I know 2 women who got on this ended up as porn stars.

I just remembered something!!

My counselor at Safe homes/ rape crisis/ domestic violence center told me to get Child Protective Involved. They had much different criteria than the divorce courts. She said it will open a case file.

She wanted me to report that my child said his dad drove better when he was drinking because otherwise his hands shook really bad. (No drinking and driving allowed in my D).

Just keep this in the back of your mind, or maybe you can talk to CPS and ask WHAT you can report to them...

(((((((NG)))))))

It's wrong. So, so wrong.

My XH is a SA. He watched porn in front of the kids. He hung out with a child molestor. I was told that nothing could be done to keep him from the kids until something happened to the kids. I freaking worried myself sick every time I had to let my kids go with him. The courts didn't do a damn thing.

After the divorce, I started calling CPS every time something happened. Even for the smallest, tiny thing. In the end, it was the OW who hurt my kids. I finally got a good CPS worker who did her job and cared enough about my kids. She stopped his visitation.

If the courts won't do anything you may need to get CPS involved.