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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help! Plastic surgery after 4 mos of finding out about affair?
♀ Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 3:48 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Amber, I've had my boobs done plus I've had rhinoplasty and a chin augmentation. The recovery phase can be quite emotional as you have changed something about yourself (even if its what you want) there is a phenomena called cosmetic surgery let down during which many patients go through a period of depression. You will also be in pain and will have to change a few things about your daily routine as you recover all of which can be quite stressful.

I think you should put it off until you are in a better frame of mind, have you spoken to your surgeon about this?

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Amber,

There are a couple of things you need to understand, and REALLY understand deep down to your core what you are about to do.

What I read from you is that you had been thinking about this BEFORE Dday but didn't schedule it until AFTER Dday. I get that this is something that you've wanted to do but it sounds like your timing is just off.

What I'm reading is desperation from a BS who is trying to be more desirable than the OW.

Amber....this surgery can be put off. You are only 4 months out and granted I haven't read your profile but nowhere have I read if your WS is remorseful and trying to work on the marriage. Are you two going to counseling? Just where are you in your relationship? are still losing weight on the infidelity diet. Have you talked to your Doctor about what is going on in your life? The stressors?

I'm in the "re-think this" camp. It smells of desperation. Work on yourself and your marriage and if things go well then get the surgery. Don't do this to try and keep your WS or to prove something to the OW. Have you sat down and REALLY asked yourself why you want to do this right now? Do you really get that it doesn't matter how great you look, if your WS is wanting to cheat he will do so. We have drop-dead beautiful BS's here. People who you look at and wonder what the hell their WS's were thinking!

The way you look is not going to keep a WS from cheating. There is something broken in them and they need to fix it.

Wait. Work on yourself and get to a good place.


[This message edited by k94ever at 8:35 AM, June 11th (Tuesday)]

BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6579 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
♀ New Member
Member # 39509
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband is very remorseful now and we are working through the issues. He was not remorseful at first. He was very much justifying and rationalizing his actions. He had a problem with alcohol (not that it excuses his actions at all) and is now addressing that too. The OW is not even attractive. I don't say that to be mean or really is the truth! She worshipped the ground he walked on (they worked together and he was "mentoring" her) and I was not in the habit of stroking his ego profusely anymore. I was busy taking care of the kids, house, bills, etc. I was real life and she was an escape from real life. I had wanted to do the surgery pre dday but do question my emotional readiness. I appreciate the feedback so much. It has given me much to think about. I actually realized I have one more day to decide. I am weighing the advice given and praying for guidance. Thanks again all!

Posts: 5 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: SC
Topic Posts: 23
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