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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Tell me this gets easier
Spitfire77
♀ Member
Member # 24486
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So our second affair D-day (third actual D-day of our marriage, how sad) happened just over four months ago. I know things are all really fresh still, but I have been feeling really low.

Bottom line, I still love him. My heart breaks every night when things get quiet because I miss him. He was my best friend and I cannot believe he did this, yet again. I know how stupid it sounds for me to be saying that I still love someone who stabbed me in the back countless times, but I do.

It hurts when I know that while I'm going to bed alone, he's living with the new OW/GF, having written off me and (even worse) his children. I know that he's a piece of crap husband and father. I just wish he weren't. I wish my kids didn't have to ask why Mommy and Daddy aren't going to live together anymore. Or the anger in my son's eyes when he tells me (out of hearing range of his sister) that he knows why Daddy doesn't love Mommy anymore. Because Daddy has a girlfriend, and Daddy thinks she's prettier and nicer than Mommy (my in-laws discussed this in front of the kids before we moved). But that it's not true and his Daddy is a bad husband. And not to worry because I'll always have him and his sister, so I'll never be alone. It' not fair that my babies have to go through this. It's not fair that my babies are going through what I went through. I know this means they'll possibly have the chance to see what a stable, healthy relationship looks like, but I hated being the child of divorced parents and I didn't want it for them.

Sorry for being so long-winded. Just a lot on my brain tonight. I know it'll get easier, I'm just impatient. I wish I could move on as quickly at my stbX.


BW (Me): 32
WH (Him): 32
Married: Dec. 04
Two kids, 6 & 4
Divorce will be final 26 SEP 13

Posts: 305 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Someplace I'd rather not be.
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, June 10th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((spitfire))))) As trite as it sounds, it will get better, honey. There are no rougher times then when our kids are hurting from all this. Big hugs to you and your children.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25007 | Registered: Aug 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The first part is the hardest.

I remember when I was where you are now someone here said to me "Sometime very soon this won't be something that is happening, it will be something that has happened".

Whilst it is happening there are no words of comfort to soothe you.

Please know you are not alone. Please know you won't die of heartbreak (I was certain I was dying), please know there was nothing you could do to stop him betraying you just as there was nothing you could do to make him betray you.

Please know it won't always hurt this bad. Someday soon the BS fog will clear and you'll see things as they really were, not as you hoped and wished they would be.

Until then please be gentle with yourself. Drink lots of water, try to eat, sleep when you can. Physical exhaustion makes the emotional exhaustion all the harder to bear.

The only way through it is through it. You WILL get through it. Just got to get past this horrible part first.

((Spitfire77))


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5533 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
chlee214
♂ New Member
Member # 39155
Default  Posted: 6:41 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand how you feel. It's been almost 3 yrs since I found out about her affair with my "best friend". I have been trying to work through things and salvage the marriage (31 yrs) but she has no interest in it. She said she has no feelings for me anymore. They say it will get better but it hasn't yet.


If I can survive this, I can survive anything.

Posts: 7 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It gets so much easier and better.

I know you don't believe it now -- I didn't -- but there will come a time when you are so relieved and happy to be away and you won't even remember how bad it felt.

Are you in IC at all?

HUGS!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3313 | Registered: Dec 2011
Spitfire77
♀ Member
Member # 24486
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies, y'all. A fellow Soldier's wife had emergency surgery yesterday so I was pretty busy helping them out.

I imagine that once I get past all of the "firsts," it won't hurt nearly as badly. But it was my "first" Valentine's Day, birthdays (mine and his) w/o him in nine years. It was my "first" Mother's Day w/o him. I always thought we'd be together. Duh, obviously, because I'm sure most, if not all, of us thought that. I'm ready for the loneliness to subside. I'm not in IC at the moment, there's just no time with the Army program I'm in. All available appointments are during class hours and if we miss too much class, they can drop us from the course. So for right now I'm trying to deal with things as best I can, and if I can't deal with it I bury it until a later time. Not the healthiest of methods, I know. :)


BW (Me): 32
WH (Him): 32
Married: Dec. 04
Two kids, 6 & 4
Divorce will be final 26 SEP 13

Posts: 305 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Someplace I'd rather not be.
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you can't fit in IC, do you have time for a couple of books?

Many people here, myself included, have found the books "getting past your breakup" by Susan Elliott and "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson to be very helpful.


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 728 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Spitfire77
♀ Member
Member # 24486
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll check those out! We only have a few hours of homework every night, but weekends are pretty open so I should be able to fit in books after the minions go to bed. :)


BW (Me): 32
WH (Him): 32
Married: Dec. 04
Two kids, 6 & 4
Divorce will be final 26 SEP 13

Posts: 305 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Someplace I'd rather not be.
macakipa
♀ Member
Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spitfire77, it does get better. As StrongButBroken posted, it takes times to break through the BS fog.

And, even when you do start to break through you will have times where the sadness, loneliness, anger and the seemingly unfairness of it all comes flooding back.

I know, because I am experiencing it myself right now.

I am not saying this to make you feel worse, I am just letting you know that it is an ongoing process that all BS go through.

Thankfully you can know that you are not alone and that we are here to listen and offer support.


M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 9

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