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Newest Member: Makeitstop85 (44953)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Feeling awful after MC session today
heavyheart1
♀ New Member
Member # 37496
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. So just back from M.C and feeling awful. This is a new counselor we just started seeing after moving, and the past few sessions had been sorted of centered around better distributing house chores, etc. helpful, I guess, but not really getting into it. I attempted to take us away from the day-to-day, and when asked how those things are going I replied that it was good but not helping was the hurt and built up resentments. I then got singled out and asked to come alone next time. So here I am, still licking my wounds post-A and feeling like I'm wrong to still be do hurt and feeling blamed for the current state of things. Maybe I just didn't have enough insecurities post-A. Problem solved.


BW 34 (me)
WH 39
1 beautiful daughter
D-Day 5/20/2012
Riding the R-oller coaster

Posts: 43 | Registered: Nov 2012
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We told the MC that the A was the main issue right then and nothing else mattered ( chores? WTH???).

Our MC was well versed in infidelity and explained that until we had resolved every issue surrounding FWH's A then nothing else mattered.

We spent months focused on his A and the fallout.

If your MC is more comfortable talking about chore allocation they may not have a lot if experience or insight into this field. Trust me. If you don't have a great MC then it will take longer to resolve your resentments etc.

Maybe go alone and explain this to the MC and ask them to focus on the elephant in the room and not the dust circles surrounding it as you can dust once the elephant's dealt with and not before as that dust will just keep swirling around all the while that elephant is there


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Jul 2009
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I think that I would have a private "come to Jesus" meeting with MC and get it utterly straightened out that unless they are competant enough to address the fact that what's going on here isn't a chore division, but the nuclear explosion of adultry, that he would be fired. Chores? Oh yeah, like one of you being ASSIGNED to take out the trash is going to ensure that everyone is going to remember to keep their pants on! Sheesh!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take it as a good sign. Go alone, ASAP, and lay out why you feel the MC is off base. Not every counselor knows squat about how to recover from infidelity. Tell them you don't need to talk about the freaking chores, you need to talk about having your heart ripped out and stomped all over. If they can't provide that, then move on. Are you in IC?


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
vistainc
♀ Member
Member # 37688
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like my 1st MC. We are on our second and he hasn't addressed anything but the affair. Of course I had a nice long talk with him before I even made our first appointment and told him what I was not willing to put up with from him. Seems to be working so far.


Me BS 48
WH 53
4 Sons 26, 25, 23,18
D-Day 11/20/12

Posts: 156 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Western MA
heavyheart1
♀ New Member
Member # 37496
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support and feedback everyone. Needless to say, I was pretty upset yesterday this helped a lot. I was in IC until recently (doc had some medical issues, and we just never rescheduled sort of thing) and I take a women's art therapy class weekly. This just set me off my rocker bc I felt blamed and that something was wrong with me bc I can't seem to get by the hurt and mistrust the A has caused. I scheduled a solo session next week, so we'll see how that goes. Clearly, there's a lot she does t know about our situation, and if she can't handle it there's gotta be someone who can. Thanks again for the support.


BW 34 (me)
WH 39
1 beautiful daughter
D-Day 5/20/2012
Riding the R-oller coaster

Posts: 43 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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